What to do when problems seem big

When problems seem big, don't despair... Don't be discouraged if life doesn't run smoothly, if things don't go according to plan. Simply be confident that your main struggles are in the past. From now on, things can only get better!

Arguments and disagreements may create a rift between your loved ones and yourself, but you don't need to dwell on what happened and foster regret. From now on, allow yourself to look forward to a new life of quiet contentment.

Be patient, especially when you fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself, or resenting the words and actions of others. What was said cannot be undone, but to keep going back to it is torturing yourself. These destructive excursions into a bitter past are something you cannot allow yourself to do. Instead, look at the present with your full awareness, and the future with hope in your heart. As long as you detect the danger signals, the negative thoughts that often crop up without any warning, you know that you're improving every day. When negative thoughts arise, shoo them away like flies, and immediately replace them with better feeling thoughts.

Say a prayer of gratitude every morning before getting up, and every night before going to sleep. This will stick in your mind, and pave the way for good things to come. God will give you His guidance, his light of wisdom and serenity in a world that often seems troubled.

"Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun." - Ecclesiastes 11:7

With love,

Bella

Painting: 'Olive Trees with Yellow Sky and Sun' by Vincent Van Gogh

Wat is Enlightenment?

Enlightenment is your ultimate goal. Every day brings you closer to this state of mind, in which there is no room for dramas or petty arguments. When you cultivate enlightenment, your consciousness begins to shift. You begin to see the bigger picture. You ask yourself,  "Does it really matter?" or "Do I really have to prove that I am right?"

Why not let it go? Fighting uses up more energy than giving in. Instead of arguing and stubbornly sticking to your point of view, why not do things differently for a change? You can put yourself in the other person's shoes. You can listen to this person, and offer them unlimited understanding and compassion.

Enlightenment allows you to reach a higher level of consciousness. You become more detached, without turning into a robot. Your human heart is not only intact, it is magnified. From now on, you choose NOT to react blindly to what people are doing or saying. You become more introspective. You become aware of your thought processes and how they influence your emotions. You start seeing things from a different perspective, in a different light. You realise that true knowledge comes from the heart, not the head. It shines a light on the darkness inside of you and all around you.

As you become enlightened, you turn into a shining light yourself. You attract other people to you: people who want to be like you, people who want what yo've got. You become a leader to them, a role model. You don't talk about your knowledge; you don't brag. You simply live that way because it makes you feel better, more at peace with yourself and the world.

Enlightenment means you are becoming lighter. All of a sudden, your daily burden is not so heavy any more. Life becomes easier, as you don't take things so much to heart any more. You're not so serious any more; you lighten up and develop a sense of humour. You realise that life is full of problems, but it is also full of solutions and opportunities.

Enlightenment is not something you need to strive for all the time. It is not out of your reach. On the contrary, it is right here, right in front of you, if you open yourself to it. Open your heart to the  light. Let go of your problems, your resentments, your anger, your unfulfilled desires. You inner light will shine and become stronger. It will become your reality, day after day.

Your journey of inner transformation is beginning right now, at this very moment. It's happening while you're reading this! Enjoy it, and have a beautiful, light-filled day.

With all my love,

Bella

Painting:"Large Orange Lotus" by Paul Heussenstamm

An Attitude of Gratitude

The easiest way to develop an attitude of gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal. Write down all the things that you can be grateful for. You don't have to write an essay about it, just a few words are enough to get you started. What is there to be thankful for? Sometimes the simplest thing, like being alive and breathing...

Gratitude is a powerful force, because the more grateful you are for what you already have, the more you are likely to attract similar positive aspects into your life. You become tuned to the good in what is, instead of putting off your joy by wanting something different all the time. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it's always out of reach too. Right now, you only have the grass on your side and even though it may seem less green, it can be just as tasty. Begin to live a truthful and fearless life, by opening yourself to the now, which is a gift and that is why we call it the "present".

To comfort someone who has problems, people sometimes say that every cloud has a sliver lining. It is always possible to extract something positive from a situation, now matter how unpleasant, difficult or painful it may seem. Grief is a natural process. Allow yourself to feel the pain, anger and disbelief until you are ready to move through to a point where you can accept new hopes and dreams.

Don't take things for granted. Even the smallest detail is worth that you take the time to notice it, to be aware of it and say "thank you". Go to your diary at the beginning and at the end of each day, and write gratitude lists. The act of being thankful is a small daily miracle that you can allow yourself to experience, and that will lead to more and more miracles. It makes you feel good It will grow into something substantial and meaningful to you. Eventually, with a tiny bit of patience, you will reap the bountiful rewards for this wonderful practice.

Painting: Mandala Colour Tree (unknown artist)

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." - John 14:27.

"There is no fear in love: true love has no room for fear, because where fear is there is pain; and he who is not free from fear is not complete in love." John 4:18

An infant comes into this world with a trusting heart, full of love for those who care for him or her. As you keep living and get older, you lose the natural ability to instinctively expect good from others. Instead, you expect to be cheated, lied to, stolen from, disrespected and humiliated. You learn from your experiences, but you tend to cling to the negative ones, rather than emphasising the good ones. 

Fear is "False Evidence Appearing Real" because it doesn't have to be that way. You don't need to cultivate this bitterness and gnawing sense of foreboding that stems from unpleasant past occurrences. You can turn things around and have faith: there is guidance, and there is protection from Above. You can surrender to your life as it unfolds, instead of trying to control everything. You can trust your intuition to help you make the right choice, while letting go of the outcomes as there are no guarantees. 

If you don't take any risks, out of fear of doing something wrong, you'll never try anything new. To change your attitude and try new approaches, believe that they will make a difference in your life.

Today is the beginning of the rest of your life, and it doesn't matter what problems you have and what your circumstances are. It is how you react to challenges, and how you deal with issues that matters. In the end, only love is real. You can love your life, even though it may appear bleak to you at times. You can love the people in it, even though they may appear to be causing you grief. If you allow events and individuals to steal your joy from you, you will never experience lasting peace.

The PEACE Jesus talked about when he left his disciples was a lasting one, not just a momentary relief. He didn't talk about an emotional roller-coaster, about perpetually shifting moods, the kind of yo-yo attitude that you sometimes think is justifiable and acceptable. The peace Jesus talked about is permanent. It is His gift to us, a spiritual state of mind that cannot be altered by people or events. As love infuses everything, it becomes the origin of your thinking and colours your emotions throughout the day. Hope springs from it, with the certainty that all is well, and all will continue to be well, no matter what...

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Red Tree Landscape" by Rachel Bingaman

Open Yourself to the Light!

Water lilies symbolise beauty, purity and innocence. In Buddhism, the lotus is a symbol of enlightenment. The petals represent the different struggles you endure on your path to spiritual awakening. The centre of the flower represents the state of enlightenment. When there is a dark shadow during any experience, you can turn to the light, and you can do it consciously. You can choose to look at things with renewed hope.

"Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

Children are innocent and open to the light because they have no resistance within them. They don't dwell on the past. They put differences behind them as quickly as possible. Observe them at play, how they live fully in the present, how tolerant and forgiving they are. They don't bear grudges, and their primary concern is to create joy in the now. 

As you become a child again, you become like a water lily: your battles turn into petals. The darkness is overcome... And the Light of God triumphs as you let it into your heart, erasing all negative feelings. You finally leave behind bad memories and face a glorious present and future without hatred or prejudice. Love is all that matters, and as you open yourself to the Light, you open yourself to the power of Love.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

With all my love to you,

now and always

Bella

Painting: "Water Lilies" by Eugeni Balakshin, 1962, Russia.

Start Every Day with Hope in your Heart...

"There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen (Anthem - from his album The Future).

Let the light come in through the cracks of your being. Allow the positive energy of HOPE to infuse you today. Bask in it, bathe in it, let it penetrate every pore of your skin.

Hope is at your fingertips. Forget your regrets about yesterday, and forget your worries about tomorrow. Become totally lost in the present. That's where your point of power is, right here, in the now.

Every day brings with it unlimited possibilities, new challenges and choices that are yours to make. Allow the grace and beauty of a new sunrise to touch your soul. Remove your shackles; let go of yesterday's sadness and grief. There is so much love and joy around you, but it's up to you to allow them into your experience.

Hope is an expectation in our heart of good things to come. No matter what problem you're facing right now, you know that it will get better. you trust the world to be on your side and give you the answers you need. You trust that no matter how desperate a situation is, improvement is always possible. You trust that after the rain, there will be sunshine again.

Hope is a burning flame that will never go out. Hope is life itself. It's what keeps you going, no matter what you're going through! Your wishes are there to come true. Eventually, what you pray for will become a reality...

With much love,

Bella

"God is a shower to the heart burned up with grief. God is a sun to the face deluged with tears." - Joseph Roux, Meditations of a Parish Priest.

Painting: "Sunrise" by Margret Hofheinz-Doring, 1910-1994, German.

Addiction is a Decision!

"Life is a series of baby steps along the way and if you add up these tiny little steps you take toward your goal, whatever it is, whether it's giving up something, a terrible addiction or trying to work your way through an illness. When you total up those baby steps you'd be amazed over the course of ten years, the strides you've taken." - Hoda Kotb, Egyptian-American TV host.

We humans tend to get addicted to a lot of things that aren't good for us. We tend to destroy ourselves, instead of looking after ourselves to the best of our ability. Some of us are addicted to nicotine, drugs or alcohol. Others are addicted to junk food or sugar. Some are addicted to gambling or shopping. Others are addicted to work or dysfunctional relationships...

It doesn't really matter what you're addicted to; right now you've reached a stage in your life when you want to rid yourself of these negative patterns. You want to let go of these behaviours as their painful consequences now outweigh the thrill they once provided.

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I explain that addiction is a decision. You want something, so you make up your mind to obtain it and consume it. This process is repeated over and over until it gets out of hand. As time goes by, this decision-making process gets out of control; it becomes an addiction. Are you going to do it or are you not going to do it? Each and every time, it's a decision, it's a choice. String all these decisions together, and you have a pattern of behaviour that will determine the course of your life. It will determine what sort of person you will be. Every moment of your life, you have a choice.

Live this moment to the fullest, and make decisions that are good for you. Only one day at a time, one moment at a time if necessary. Learn the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Say it over and over. Say it every time you need to make a decision!

With love and bright thoughts of encouragement,

Bella

Painting:"High Above Amalfi" by Mikki Senkarik, American.

Your New Inner Power is Emerging!

"Look well within thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.

Little by little, as you begin to get more and more in touch with yourself, and accept who you are, totally and unconditionally, it dawns on you that you do actually have power, when you doubted that you had any.

You thought you were dependent, when in reality you are independent. You thought you were weak, when in reality you are much stronger than you would have ever believed. In the face of obstacles and adversity, you have developed endurance. In the midst of despair, you have cultivated hope. You begin to feel your power like a light inside yourself, flimsy like candlelight at first, until it becomes a blazing fire. 

You are a spiritual being having a human experience. As you clear out the garbage of addictive and counterproductive habits, you uncover your precious soul that's been lying dormant for so long, under layers of lies, self-deceit and pretences. You finally decide to put a stop to self-abuse, and you discover that the person you harmed the most in the past is yourself.

Now you are ready to become alive and in tune with infinity, with the Divine. Everything feels easier, and your life is finally flowing like a gentle river. You no longer want to control everything, and you allow the current to carry you where you are supposed to go. You stop offering unnecessary resistance to what is. You become united with the Universe, and this feeling of wholeness is not an illusion: it is your new reality, as you give birth to your inner power.

This power has nothing to do with having influence over others. It has nothing to do with scheming or manipulating or getting your own way. It does not come from being able to make others do certain things, like following your lead or buying your products. It is  the power of letting others be what they wish to be, without trying to whip them into shape.

Your new power is a very personal one, much stronger and long-lasting than anything you have enjoyed so far.  People will turn to you and imitate you, not because they are intimidated by you, or because they want to bathe in your glory. All they can see is that you are leading a meaningful life. They can see that you have peace of mind.

Once you are in touch with the light within yourself, do not hide it. Allow it to shine!

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." - Matthew 5:14-15

Painting: "Still Life Candlelight" oil and pencil drawing form the Colonie Central High School Art Gallery

Fear is a Habit You Can Undo!

"Fear is a habit; so is self-pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resignation. You can eliminate all of these negative habits with two simple resolves: I can! and I will!" - Unknown

In my book "The Magic of Willpower" I explain that a habit is something you do over and over, on a daily basis, until it becomes automatic. Repetition leads to routine, and soon this "habit" becomes a part of you, like the clothes you wear. It seems fairly easy to form new habits, but it's a lot harder to get rid of old ones. The secret to eliminating unwanted habits is to replace them with new ones that will serve you better. Ditch your negative thoughts and adopt a positive, non-judgmental way of thinking, and it will become a natural part of you!

Like a lot of people, you may approach challenges with anxiety and worry instead of trust. Straight away, you recall past experiences, and tend to compare what's happening now with what happened back then, and draw conclusions. You tend to believe that it will turn out the same way... And you decide to avoid certain situations altogether, or you approach them with negative expectations.

"Once bitten, twice shy" is a saying a lot of people tend to live by, either consciously or subconsciously. But is it really worth it, imagining the worst case scenario, just because in the past it happened that way, and you have been scarred by these traumatic events? Why not start the day with a fresh outlook, and a brand new hope in your heart - and the certainty that things will work out for the best this time?

Just because you suffered a bad experience in the past doesn't mean it will repeat itself. It won't necessarily be the same this time! Circumstances may be similar, and yet outcomes can be totally different. You may harbour a deep fear of being hurt - but in most cases, you're the one who chooses to be injured.

You might not be able to choose your circumstances, but you can choose your thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. Imagination is a powerful tool. It allows you to project yourself into the future in a positive, constructive way - instead of feeling sorry for yourself and stuck in an uncomfortable place.

You can move forward without fear and without hesitation. You can enjoy the present without having to worry about the future. You can live for this moment... All you need to do is let go of excuses and seize the day. This is your life... Make the most out of it. Never allow fear to hold you back!

With love and warm thoughts,

Bella

Paiting:"Dragonfly" by Stephanie Estrin, USA

Willpower is the Power of Endurance

"Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes." - Buddha

"Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory." - William Barclay (Scottish author, 1907 - 1978)

Sometimes you wish you could make your problems disappear, simply by waving a magic wand. This is why I chose "The Magic of Willpower" as the title for my book, as I had this vision of difficulties magically disappearing. And it is possible, if you develop self-discipline an endurance. It may not happen instantly but eventually, you will reap the results for your dedication. 

Sometimes you believe that the only way to be happy is to get rid of what is bothering your: whether it be a demanding boss, a domineering spouse, an invasive adult child at home, an obnoxious neighbour, a destructive puppy your children forced you to adopt, gloomy weather, or hopeless politicians...

But you didn't come into this life to have everything nice right away. You didn't come to have sunshine, lollipops and roses every day. You came to endure and make the best out of what you've got now.  If you manage to maintain a positive attitude in the midst of trouble, without losing your serenity, you've achieved more than you can hope for. 

Once you acquire the ability to control your thoughts (I explain how to do this in my book, "The Magic of Willpower"), your actions and words will follow and be in harmony with them. To your own surprise, you will experience a deep calm in the midst of turmoil, and become an observer. You won't lose your inner composure, which will allow you to be confident and overcome many obstacles.

Cultivating a patient and cheerful attitude will give you strength and courage. You won't be tempted to become upset, or to lose your temper and do things you might regret later. You won't be tempted to give up, because you know that the ultimate reward is what you've gained on the inside: sanity and peace of mind. You won't become agitated and fearful as soon as things threaten to go wrong. Instead, you will be equipped with the tools to deal with setbacks and crisis.

You don't know what life has in store for you. There are fabulous moments and not-so-fabulous ones! If you concentrate on your inner path, without losing your focus, you'll be able to ignore things that are unimportant, like someone who disagrees with you. You're not here to convince other that you're right and that they're wrong. You're here to endure what happens with steadfastness, and a general disposition to expect the best in all things. 

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Lavender Lotus Flower" by Mon Fagtanac, contemporary artist, San Juan, Luzon, Philippines.

How to Forget Something or Someone

"To forgive is wisdom, to forget is genius. And easier. Because it's true. It's a new world every heart beat." - Joyce Cary, The Horse's Mouth

To stop thinking about something or someone may seem like a tall order, especially when you're in the middle of a crisis like ill health, job loss or separation. How to do it may seem difficult, but there is an easy and straightforward way to go about it. Putting this simple strategy into practice however takes commitment and some practice.

Whenever you find yourself thinking about something unpleasant, something in your life that bothers you, or a person you would like to get out of your mind, gently but firmly direct your thoughts away from it and towards something or someone that makes you feel better.

Do this repeatedly and consistently, whenever an unwanted thought pops up in your mind. Over time this strategy will become automatic. And when something becomes a habit, it requires less and less effort, as I explain in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". In the beginning you might struggle but after a while it will become natural: this way of thinking will become a part of you. You will apply it to other situations, like when you worry too much, or when you're stuck in a negative thinking pattern.

The thought in itself is not a problem. The real problem is the tendency we have as human being to feel sorry for ourselves, and wanting other people to feel sorry for us too. It's almost as if we get a warped sense of satisfaction from it! Feeling bad can be addictive in a crazy sort of way, but it won't help us move forward. The problem is still there, and we won't resolve it by dwelling on it. We need to let it go, no matter what.

Do you want to embark on an endless cycle of thinking about something or someone you want to forget? Once you understand how useless it is to hold onto painful memories and feelings, you can start choosing thoughts that are not so painful, and that give you a sense of hope and relief. Choose something that feels a bit better, like "I have family and friends who will helps me and give me moral support", "There will be a solution to my money problem", "Children are resilient and they will adjust to it."

You may be caught in a difficult situation, but you are free to choose thoughts that are positive and encouraging. Forgetting someone is not easy, but you can do it by shifting your attention to something else. Focus on improving your life, on making the most out of what you've got rather than what you've lost. Distract yourself with meaningful and joyful activities. Put all your attention on the present moment, without drifting into the past or future. 

With loving thoughts,

Bella

Painting: "Forger Me Not" by Derick Burleson, Alaska, 2010