The Importance of Grieving: Parting is a Part of Life

"Everyone who lives long enough to love deeply will experience great losses. Don't let fear of loss or the losses themselves take away your ability to enjoy the wonderful life that is yours." - Barbara Cooper

The path of life is sometimes smooth, and sometimes rocky. You always seem to leave something behind. You always seem to travel with a suitcase in your hands. Parting is an integral part of the journey. It is often painful, but it can also be joyful at times. 

When you leave something behind, it is not just the end. It is also a new beginning. Grieving helps you come to terms with unbearable losses and difficult situations. Eventually, acceptance sets in, even though nothing is ever forgotten. Your loved ones will always stay with you. There will always be a place for them in your heart. 

Eventually, you move on, and the lighter you travel, the easier the transition will be. After a separation or a divorce for instance, there is a lot of hurt. Unresolved emotions can become permanent wounds. If you don’t allow these to heal, you will go into a new relationship, loaded with baggage that might sabotage your new-found happiness.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. You can dwell on the past, or you can look at it as an opportunity for growth, and decide to close this chapter of your life, while eagerly looking forward to the next one.

You don’t only leave loved ones or relationships behind. You can leave anything, even a state of mind. From this day onward, you can decide to change. you can decide to be more acceptant, more grateful for what you’ve got, while going with the flow, instead of fighting against what is. You can become less set in your ways, less demanding, more flexible and more relaxed. You can decide to leave fear behind once and for all, trust the future and embrace love and forgiveness. What happened yesterday doesn’t matter any more. Today you want to be here, and enjoy this very moment to the fullest.

Parting can be as simple as moving houses or going away on a holiday, or as complex as our final departure: death. You will go through your share of parting in life. How you deal with it will transcend this experience in your mind and in your heart. Ultimately, your attitude reflects what kind of parting it will be, and you can react to it with sadness or serenity.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Woman with Suitcase. Departure" by Katie Phillips

Appreciation and Fulfilment

You can travel the whole world in search of what you need, and come home to find it!

You often look outside yourself to satisfy your desires. You crave for more, for something different. You want easy solutions, instant fixes to your problems, coming from external sources. You do this instead of developing your ability to live happily in the present moment. But appreciation comes from the inside. No matter how small or big something is, you need to be grateful for it before you can enjoy it. This is a quality you can develop in your daily life.

By looking with fresh eyes at ordinary things like a rose, a rainbow in a puddle, or the intricacy of a spider web, you practice enjoying these. You practice saying "thank you" while rewarding yourself with instant bliss. You practice feeling good, even when adversity strikes. It's even more important to be grateful during difficult times, as it will help you get over hurdles quickly and with a minimum of pain. A person who is appreciative can face all sorts of obstacles and shortages, while still having a contented heart.

Appreciation brings fulfilment. The more you appreciate everything in your life, the more fulfilment you'll have! When you're grateful for something, life will give you more of it. Life is a never-ending source of positive, healing energy that's there for everyone, not only a few chosen ones. When you feel blessed, you attract more blessings.

Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say to yourself: "Something good is going to happen to me today." Say it with emphasis, with emotion. Be open to the possibility that you may actually be lucky for a change. Life responds to whatever you think and say. Say good things about yourself,  about others, and about the world in general. Love life, and life will love you!

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognising and appreciating what we do have." - Frederick Koenig

With lots of love,

Bella

Painting:"Little Pink Rose" by Matthew Bates

An Attitude of Gratitude

The easiest way to develop an attitude of gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal. Write down all the things that you can be grateful for. You don't have to write an essay about it, just a few words are enough to get you started. What is there to be thankful for? Sometimes the simplest thing, like being alive and breathing...

Gratitude is a powerful force, because the more grateful you are for what you already have, the more you are likely to attract similar positive aspects into your life. You become tuned to the good in what is, instead of putting off your joy by wanting something different all the time. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it's always out of reach too. Right now, you only have the grass on your side and even though it may seem less green, it can be just as tasty. Begin to live a truthful and fearless life, by opening yourself to the now, which is a gift and that is why we call it the "present".

To comfort someone who has problems, people sometimes say that every cloud has a sliver lining. It is always possible to extract something positive from a situation, now matter how unpleasant, difficult or painful it may seem. Grief is a natural process. Allow yourself to feel the pain, anger and disbelief until you are ready to move through to a point where you can accept new hopes and dreams.

Don't take things for granted. Even the smallest detail is worth that you take the time to notice it, to be aware of it and say "thank you". Go to your diary at the beginning and at the end of each day, and write gratitude lists. The act of being thankful is a small daily miracle that you can allow yourself to experience, and that will lead to more and more miracles. It makes you feel good It will grow into something substantial and meaningful to you. Eventually, with a tiny bit of patience, you will reap the bountiful rewards for this wonderful practice.

Painting: Mandala Colour Tree (unknown artist)

Express Your Anger Constructively

Anger is a natural emotion, and suppressing it is not always a good idea. It is much better to recognise it and use it to your advantage, rather than ignoring or denying it. Rightful anger can even be beneficial. Anger is a message: it tells you that there is something wrong, for instance, there might be an injustice like someone being bullied. Or there might be something that's not working in your life.

Sometimes anger is justified, like when someone is hurting you or your loved one, or even an innocent stranger. Allow the wave of anger to rise and subside and listen to what is underneath. Anger can be an expression of emotional pain, which has different origins, such as insecurity, jealousy, embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety or just a general discomfort due to exhaustion, thirst, hunger or a need to be in soothing environment, doing something meaningful. Sometimes anger is close to fear as you're scared you might not obtain what you want, or that things might be taken away from you.

Anger may be a catalyst for change. It may work as a trigger towards making a decision, like making efforts to move from a place where it hurts to a more favourable position. Anger can give you the incentive and energy to turn your life around! This kind of anger is productive and helpful.

But anger can have a negative impact if it hurst you or others. In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I encourage you to reflect on your anger and become aware of it, so you can let go of it and master your reactions. While it is good to express your feelings, you need to do it in a calm and mature way, without accusing the other person. Just tell them how you feel and why. 

Anger becomes a problem when it spirals out of control. Extreme angry outbursts may go hand in hand with verbal and/or physical abuse. When anger takes possession of you, it's time to do something about it. Figure out what triggers it, what emotions are attached to it. What do you fear? What hurts you the most? It could be your spouse ignoring you, giving you the "cold shoulder" or your teenage kids leaving the kitchen in a mess. Anger is often due to frustration, when you don't get what you want, or when people don't behave the way you expect them to.

When overcome with fury, detach yourself from the situation and become an observer. Monitor what's going on inside of you. Instead of reacting, you can choose to freeze, which means not doing anything. You can leave the room and even the house for a short while. This allows you to cool down and to recognise that there is no need to lose your temper. Whatever it is, you can talk it over reasonably, when everyone has come to their senses. There are better alternatives to an angry outburst, and you don't want to regret what you've said or done later on.

Instead of waiting to explode, prepare yourself. Practice in your mind what you will do next time you're confronted with a situation that is likely to provoke your rage. Rehearse what you will say and do, instead of being taken by surprise. Remember what happened last time when you lost your temper! Remember how you reacted, how your heart beat faster, how hot and tense you felt. Remember the hurtful things you blurted out, and decide on a better course of action. Imagine yourself taking a deep breath and carefully choosing your words. Imagine yourself stopping and thinking and observing the situation from a distance. Within no time, the tornado will dissipate and serenity will return to your mind and body.

With all my love,

Bella

"Volcano": abstract finger painting by George Hunter, contemporary English self-taught artist.