What to do when problems seem big

When problems seem big, don't despair... Don't be discouraged if life doesn't run smoothly, if things don't go according to plan. Simply be confident that your main struggles are in the past. From now on, things can only get better!

Arguments and disagreements may create a rift between your loved ones and yourself, but you don't need to dwell on what happened and foster regret. From now on, allow yourself to look forward to a new life of quiet contentment.

Be patient, especially when you fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself, or resenting the words and actions of others. What was said cannot be undone, but to keep going back to it is torturing yourself. These destructive excursions into a bitter past are something you cannot allow yourself to do. Instead, look at the present with your full awareness, and the future with hope in your heart. As long as you detect the danger signals, the negative thoughts that often crop up without any warning, you know that you're improving every day. When negative thoughts arise, shoo them away like flies, and immediately replace them with better feeling thoughts.

Say a prayer of gratitude every morning before getting up, and every night before going to sleep. This will stick in your mind, and pave the way for good things to come. God will give you His guidance, his light of wisdom and serenity in a world that often seems troubled.

"Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun." - Ecclesiastes 11:7

With love,

Bella

Painting: 'Olive Trees with Yellow Sky and Sun' by Vincent Van Gogh

Anger and Willpower

"Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry." - Ephesians 4:27

One of the topics in my book, "The Magic of Willpower." is anger. Anger can make you lose control and when you're in that situation, willpower goes out the window. All your resolutions dwindle and you find yourself in a vulnerable position. You lose sight of your goal, which is to be in control of your reactions and ultimately your life. To be at the mercy of your emotions can be painful. In the case of anger, it causes more damage to you than to the person you're angry at.

It's almost an instinctive reaction to let anger well up inside of you when someone says or does something that you don't agree with or find offensive. While this may be a violation of your boundaries, you don't have to lower yourself to the level of negative, destructive emotions. You can remain above it, and decide not to take it to heart and above all, not to retaliate.

You need to take a detached view of what is happening and cultivate a sense of peace and serenity, no matter what's happening. Don't allow yourself to get involved emotionally. And you need to do it before the steam of the argument builds up, or it might lead to an explosion. "Time out" is sometimes necessary - like leaving the room or even leaving the house. If you let anger take hold of you and dictate your words and actions, you will lose control and inflict damage onto yourself and others. Even innocent bystanders like children will be the victims - and these traumatic events can take a lifetime to be undone.

If you refrain from harbouring vengeful thoughts, you're doing yourself and others a favour. Resentment is like fire and it can build into a storm. It can turn into an irrational attack on another human being, leaving deep emotional scars on all those involved at the time. Ask yourself: what sort of person do you really want to be? Make the decision to be the person you really want to be right now. Don't do it later. If you're willing to let go of anger, you can do it.

Do you want to be loving, caring, and have a good life with good relationships? Do you want to be healthy and stress-free, so you don't have to turn to addictions to cover up your discomfort? Become aware of how you've been reacting so far to your environment and to other people. Be mindful of negative emotions. Experience them if you wish to, but release them straight away, without dwelling on them. Say "sorry" often and if you make a mistake, rectify it on the spot.

In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I will teach you how to plan tricky situations in advance. I will show you how to pre-pave your circumstances and prepare yourself emotionally, so you'll never be caught unawares. Preparation is the key to success, and it's the key to keeping your anger under control. After a while, you won't even feel angry any more, as you will be able to analyse the situation and use detachment to prevent yourself from being drawn into the harmful cycle of arguments and counter arguments.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Desert Snow" by Katie Hark