Addiction is a Decision!

"Life is a series of baby steps along the way and if you add up these tiny little steps you take toward your goal, whatever it is, whether it's giving up something, a terrible addiction or trying to work your way through an illness. When you total up those baby steps you'd be amazed over the course of ten years, the strides you've taken." - Hoda Kotb, Egyptian-American TV host.

We humans tend to get addicted to a lot of things that aren't good for us. We tend to destroy ourselves, instead of looking after ourselves to the best of our ability. Some of us are addicted to nicotine, drugs or alcohol. Others are addicted to junk food or sugar. Some are addicted to gambling or shopping. Others are addicted to work or dysfunctional relationships...

It doesn't really matter what you're addicted to; right now you've reached a stage in your life when you want to rid yourself of these negative patterns. You want to let go of these behaviours as their painful consequences now outweigh the thrill they once provided.

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I explain that addiction is a decision. You want something, so you make up your mind to obtain it and consume it. This process is repeated over and over until it gets out of hand. As time goes by, this decision-making process gets out of control; it becomes an addiction. Are you going to do it or are you not going to do it? Each and every time, it's a decision, it's a choice. String all these decisions together, and you have a pattern of behaviour that will determine the course of your life. It will determine what sort of person you will be. Every moment of your life, you have a choice.

Live this moment to the fullest, and make decisions that are good for you. Only one day at a time, one moment at a time if necessary. Learn the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Say it over and over. Say it every time you need to make a decision!

With love and bright thoughts of encouragement,

Bella

Painting:"High Above Amalfi" by Mikki Senkarik, American.

Your New Inner Power is Emerging!

"Look well within thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.

Little by little, as you begin to get more and more in touch with yourself, and accept who you are, totally and unconditionally, it dawns on you that you do actually have power, when you doubted that you had any.

You thought you were dependent, when in reality you are independent. You thought you were weak, when in reality you are much stronger than you would have ever believed. In the face of obstacles and adversity, you have developed endurance. In the midst of despair, you have cultivated hope. You begin to feel your power like a light inside yourself, flimsy like candlelight at first, until it becomes a blazing fire. 

You are a spiritual being having a human experience. As you clear out the garbage of addictive and counterproductive habits, you uncover your precious soul that's been lying dormant for so long, under layers of lies, self-deceit and pretences. You finally decide to put a stop to self-abuse, and you discover that the person you harmed the most in the past is yourself.

Now you are ready to become alive and in tune with infinity, with the Divine. Everything feels easier, and your life is finally flowing like a gentle river. You no longer want to control everything, and you allow the current to carry you where you are supposed to go. You stop offering unnecessary resistance to what is. You become united with the Universe, and this feeling of wholeness is not an illusion: it is your new reality, as you give birth to your inner power.

This power has nothing to do with having influence over others. It has nothing to do with scheming or manipulating or getting your own way. It does not come from being able to make others do certain things, like following your lead or buying your products. It is  the power of letting others be what they wish to be, without trying to whip them into shape.

Your new power is a very personal one, much stronger and long-lasting than anything you have enjoyed so far.  People will turn to you and imitate you, not because they are intimidated by you, or because they want to bathe in your glory. All they can see is that you are leading a meaningful life. They can see that you have peace of mind.

Once you are in touch with the light within yourself, do not hide it. Allow it to shine!

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." - Matthew 5:14-15

Painting: "Still Life Candlelight" oil and pencil drawing form the Colonie Central High School Art Gallery

Anger and Willpower

"Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry." - Ephesians 4:27

One of the topics in my book, "The Magic of Willpower." is anger. Anger can make you lose control and when you're in that situation, willpower goes out the window. All your resolutions dwindle and you find yourself in a vulnerable position. You lose sight of your goal, which is to be in control of your reactions and ultimately your life. To be at the mercy of your emotions can be painful. In the case of anger, it causes more damage to you than to the person you're angry at.

It's almost an instinctive reaction to let anger well up inside of you when someone says or does something that you don't agree with or find offensive. While this may be a violation of your boundaries, you don't have to lower yourself to the level of negative, destructive emotions. You can remain above it, and decide not to take it to heart and above all, not to retaliate.

You need to take a detached view of what is happening and cultivate a sense of peace and serenity, no matter what's happening. Don't allow yourself to get involved emotionally. And you need to do it before the steam of the argument builds up, or it might lead to an explosion. "Time out" is sometimes necessary - like leaving the room or even leaving the house. If you let anger take hold of you and dictate your words and actions, you will lose control and inflict damage onto yourself and others. Even innocent bystanders like children will be the victims - and these traumatic events can take a lifetime to be undone.

If you refrain from harbouring vengeful thoughts, you're doing yourself and others a favour. Resentment is like fire and it can build into a storm. It can turn into an irrational attack on another human being, leaving deep emotional scars on all those involved at the time. Ask yourself: what sort of person do you really want to be? Make the decision to be the person you really want to be right now. Don't do it later. If you're willing to let go of anger, you can do it.

Do you want to be loving, caring, and have a good life with good relationships? Do you want to be healthy and stress-free, so you don't have to turn to addictions to cover up your discomfort? Become aware of how you've been reacting so far to your environment and to other people. Be mindful of negative emotions. Experience them if you wish to, but release them straight away, without dwelling on them. Say "sorry" often and if you make a mistake, rectify it on the spot.

In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I will teach you how to plan tricky situations in advance. I will show you how to pre-pave your circumstances and prepare yourself emotionally, so you'll never be caught unawares. Preparation is the key to success, and it's the key to keeping your anger under control. After a while, you won't even feel angry any more, as you will be able to analyse the situation and use detachment to prevent yourself from being drawn into the harmful cycle of arguments and counter arguments.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Desert Snow" by Katie Hark