The Importance of Grieving: Parting is a Part of Life

"Everyone who lives long enough to love deeply will experience great losses. Don't let fear of loss or the losses themselves take away your ability to enjoy the wonderful life that is yours." - Barbara Cooper

The path of life is sometimes smooth, and sometimes rocky. You always seem to leave something behind. You always seem to travel with a suitcase in your hands. Parting is an integral part of the journey. It is often painful, but it can also be joyful at times. 

When you leave something behind, it is not just the end. It is also a new beginning. Grieving helps you come to terms with unbearable losses and difficult situations. Eventually, acceptance sets in, even though nothing is ever forgotten. Your loved ones will always stay with you. There will always be a place for them in your heart. 

Eventually, you move on, and the lighter you travel, the easier the transition will be. After a separation or a divorce for instance, there is a lot of hurt. Unresolved emotions can become permanent wounds. If you don’t allow these to heal, you will go into a new relationship, loaded with baggage that might sabotage your new-found happiness.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. You can dwell on the past, or you can look at it as an opportunity for growth, and decide to close this chapter of your life, while eagerly looking forward to the next one.

You don’t only leave loved ones or relationships behind. You can leave anything, even a state of mind. From this day onward, you can decide to change. you can decide to be more acceptant, more grateful for what you’ve got, while going with the flow, instead of fighting against what is. You can become less set in your ways, less demanding, more flexible and more relaxed. You can decide to leave fear behind once and for all, trust the future and embrace love and forgiveness. What happened yesterday doesn’t matter any more. Today you want to be here, and enjoy this very moment to the fullest.

Parting can be as simple as moving houses or going away on a holiday, or as complex as our final departure: death. You will go through your share of parting in life. How you deal with it will transcend this experience in your mind and in your heart. Ultimately, your attitude reflects what kind of parting it will be, and you can react to it with sadness or serenity.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Woman with Suitcase. Departure" by Katie Phillips

How to Forget Something or Someone

"To forgive is wisdom, to forget is genius. And easier. Because it's true. It's a new world every heart beat." - Joyce Cary, The Horse's Mouth

To stop thinking about something or someone may seem like a tall order, especially when you're in the middle of a crisis like ill health, job loss or separation. How to do it may seem difficult, but there is an easy and straightforward way to go about it. Putting this simple strategy into practice however takes commitment and some practice.

Whenever you find yourself thinking about something unpleasant, something in your life that bothers you, or a person you would like to get out of your mind, gently but firmly direct your thoughts away from it and towards something or someone that makes you feel better.

Do this repeatedly and consistently, whenever an unwanted thought pops up in your mind. Over time this strategy will become automatic. And when something becomes a habit, it requires less and less effort, as I explain in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". In the beginning you might struggle but after a while it will become natural: this way of thinking will become a part of you. You will apply it to other situations, like when you worry too much, or when you're stuck in a negative thinking pattern.

The thought in itself is not a problem. The real problem is the tendency we have as human being to feel sorry for ourselves, and wanting other people to feel sorry for us too. It's almost as if we get a warped sense of satisfaction from it! Feeling bad can be addictive in a crazy sort of way, but it won't help us move forward. The problem is still there, and we won't resolve it by dwelling on it. We need to let it go, no matter what.

Do you want to embark on an endless cycle of thinking about something or someone you want to forget? Once you understand how useless it is to hold onto painful memories and feelings, you can start choosing thoughts that are not so painful, and that give you a sense of hope and relief. Choose something that feels a bit better, like "I have family and friends who will helps me and give me moral support", "There will be a solution to my money problem", "Children are resilient and they will adjust to it."

You may be caught in a difficult situation, but you are free to choose thoughts that are positive and encouraging. Forgetting someone is not easy, but you can do it by shifting your attention to something else. Focus on improving your life, on making the most out of what you've got rather than what you've lost. Distract yourself with meaningful and joyful activities. Put all your attention on the present moment, without drifting into the past or future. 

With loving thoughts,

Bella

Painting: "Forger Me Not" by Derick Burleson, Alaska, 2010