What to do when problems seem big

When problems seem big, don't despair... Don't be discouraged if life doesn't run smoothly, if things don't go according to plan. Simply be confident that your main struggles are in the past. From now on, things can only get better!

Arguments and disagreements may create a rift between your loved ones and yourself, but you don't need to dwell on what happened and foster regret. From now on, allow yourself to look forward to a new life of quiet contentment.

Be patient, especially when you fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself, or resenting the words and actions of others. What was said cannot be undone, but to keep going back to it is torturing yourself. These destructive excursions into a bitter past are something you cannot allow yourself to do. Instead, look at the present with your full awareness, and the future with hope in your heart. As long as you detect the danger signals, the negative thoughts that often crop up without any warning, you know that you're improving every day. When negative thoughts arise, shoo them away like flies, and immediately replace them with better feeling thoughts.

Say a prayer of gratitude every morning before getting up, and every night before going to sleep. This will stick in your mind, and pave the way for good things to come. God will give you His guidance, his light of wisdom and serenity in a world that often seems troubled.

"Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun." - Ecclesiastes 11:7

With love,

Bella

Painting: 'Olive Trees with Yellow Sky and Sun' by Vincent Van Gogh

How to Stop Having Regrets

"One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different." - Lemony Snicket.

Maybe there is something about your past that gives you shame, and that you don't want to tell anyone. You can't forgive yourself for this, and just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it's something you did to someone else, or maybe you did it to yourself. 

You could also have regrets for lost opportunities. You torture yourself, repeating to yourself: "I should have done this, or I should have done that..." But it's too late now. Unfortunately, you can't you can't go back in time.

Guilt is a useless emotion, because it does nothing for you, except keeping you trapped in an endless cycle of guilt,  shame, regret, punishment and low self-esteem. It's time to break your shackles and live your life without looking back. Accept yourself as you are now. Everything you did is a part of you, but it's not what keeps you going today. What keeps you going is what you think from moment to moment, and the decisions you make as a result.

Acknowledge your mistakes without fear. Talk to yourself, talk to someone else like a trusted friend or a counsellor. You mistakes seem unforgivable to you, but someone else may have more empathy for you. We are our own harshest judges! "I can never forgive myself for this" is an attitude that won't set you free, but keep you chained to the past. I you can't forgive yourself, you'll remain stuck in a destructive cycle and repeat the regretful actions over and over, instead of breaking free from them.

Put your mistakes into perspective. Maybe you did something terrible, but why did you do it? What were your circumstances? For instance, maybe you took drugs or were promiscuous because you felt lonely and depressed, and wanted to fit in. Maybe it was the only way you had to cope with difficult circumstances. It's not about finding excuses, but about putting your behaviour into context. Maybe you did the best you could at the time with the tools and knowledge you had. 

Learn and grow from what you did instead of berating yourself. Guilt is toxic to your self esteem, and peace and happiness will elude you if you keep holding yourself in contempt. Understand your actions and make a commitment  to act differently from now on. You can't erase your mistakes, but you can make up for them, by learning from them and making amends to the people you hurt or to yourself. 

You can decide to choose serenity over self-condemnation. Do you want to continue suffering or make a decision to be free from the past? Instead of dwelling on your past mistakes, focus on all the opportunities the present has to offer. Beating up on yourself won't improve your life, but making a decision to be put an end to regrets and to be happy will.

"Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets." - Henry A. Kissinger.

With all my love,

Bella