The Importance of Grieving: Parting is a Part of Life

"Everyone who lives long enough to love deeply will experience great losses. Don't let fear of loss or the losses themselves take away your ability to enjoy the wonderful life that is yours." - Barbara Cooper

The path of life is sometimes smooth, and sometimes rocky. You always seem to leave something behind. You always seem to travel with a suitcase in your hands. Parting is an integral part of the journey. It is often painful, but it can also be joyful at times. 

When you leave something behind, it is not just the end. It is also a new beginning. Grieving helps you come to terms with unbearable losses and difficult situations. Eventually, acceptance sets in, even though nothing is ever forgotten. Your loved ones will always stay with you. There will always be a place for them in your heart. 

Eventually, you move on, and the lighter you travel, the easier the transition will be. After a separation or a divorce for instance, there is a lot of hurt. Unresolved emotions can become permanent wounds. If you don’t allow these to heal, you will go into a new relationship, loaded with baggage that might sabotage your new-found happiness.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. You can dwell on the past, or you can look at it as an opportunity for growth, and decide to close this chapter of your life, while eagerly looking forward to the next one.

You don’t only leave loved ones or relationships behind. You can leave anything, even a state of mind. From this day onward, you can decide to change. you can decide to be more acceptant, more grateful for what you’ve got, while going with the flow, instead of fighting against what is. You can become less set in your ways, less demanding, more flexible and more relaxed. You can decide to leave fear behind once and for all, trust the future and embrace love and forgiveness. What happened yesterday doesn’t matter any more. Today you want to be here, and enjoy this very moment to the fullest.

Parting can be as simple as moving houses or going away on a holiday, or as complex as our final departure: death. You will go through your share of parting in life. How you deal with it will transcend this experience in your mind and in your heart. Ultimately, your attitude reflects what kind of parting it will be, and you can react to it with sadness or serenity.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Woman with Suitcase. Departure" by Katie Phillips

An Attitude of Gratitude

The easiest way to develop an attitude of gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal. Write down all the things that you can be grateful for. You don't have to write an essay about it, just a few words are enough to get you started. What is there to be thankful for? Sometimes the simplest thing, like being alive and breathing...

Gratitude is a powerful force, because the more grateful you are for what you already have, the more you are likely to attract similar positive aspects into your life. You become tuned to the good in what is, instead of putting off your joy by wanting something different all the time. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it's always out of reach too. Right now, you only have the grass on your side and even though it may seem less green, it can be just as tasty. Begin to live a truthful and fearless life, by opening yourself to the now, which is a gift and that is why we call it the "present".

To comfort someone who has problems, people sometimes say that every cloud has a sliver lining. It is always possible to extract something positive from a situation, now matter how unpleasant, difficult or painful it may seem. Grief is a natural process. Allow yourself to feel the pain, anger and disbelief until you are ready to move through to a point where you can accept new hopes and dreams.

Don't take things for granted. Even the smallest detail is worth that you take the time to notice it, to be aware of it and say "thank you". Go to your diary at the beginning and at the end of each day, and write gratitude lists. The act of being thankful is a small daily miracle that you can allow yourself to experience, and that will lead to more and more miracles. It makes you feel good It will grow into something substantial and meaningful to you. Eventually, with a tiny bit of patience, you will reap the bountiful rewards for this wonderful practice.

Painting: Mandala Colour Tree (unknown artist)

Keep an Open Mind!

"A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open." - Frank Zappa (American rock, jazz and classical musician and composer, 1940 - 1993)

What makes you so sure that you're right? How do you know that your ideas are the best? Sometimes you're so certain that the way you see things is the correct way, that you automatically assume that everyone else is wrong! You try to get your point across, but nothing seems to work: "He (or she) never listens to me, and I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall..."

When this feeling of powerlessness threatens to drive you crazy, put things back into perspective - and keep an open mind. When others don't want to listen to you, it may be time to reflect whether the point you're trying to prove is really valid. How do you know? Is it possible that you're wrong, and that you're being unreasonable, when you demand that others conform to your ideas and expectations? Wrong and right are not always black and white - and there are many shades of grey! Others are entitled to have their opinions, no matter how much you cling to yours.

People are at various stages in their lives. They might not be ready to hear what you have to say, or to accept it. They might have a goal or a purpose which differs from yours. You life might be heading in a certain direction while theirs might is going the opposite way. There is not just one answer to a problem. There might be many answers, and no one can guarantee which one is the best. Life is about trial and error. Acknowledging that others learn from their experiences, just like I do from mine, will help you understand that they are following their own personal path. It's not your job to interfere with their choices...

You can only live your own life to the best of your ability. Sometimes you're so adamant, and stubbornly cling to your point of view, that you don't take time to listen to others. Instead of being attentive and non-judgmental, you're already preparing your response in your head. Before you speak, take into consideration all possible reasons against your position. You can't impose your ideas on others. You can't convince them or force them to believe what you believe. You can't compel them to act a certain way, or to do certain things. 

Keeping an open will help you cultivate tolerance, understanding and empathy. It will make your daily life smoother and easier. It will pave the way for effective team work and peaceful cooperation with others.

"Be very very patient and very open-minded, and listen to what people have to say." - A.J. McLean, born 1978, American musician, singer, entertainer, and member of the Backstreet Boys.

With an open mind and with love,

Bella

Painting: "Tiger Lily" by Linda Richter, USA