Detachment or the Art of Remaining Silent

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Abraham Lincoln

It's much easier to open your mouth and voice your opinion a soon as someone says something, rather than quietly listening without interrupting and without responding. And yet there is often more power in remaining silent than in talking, especially when you haven't had time to think things through properly. You often talk in a defensive way, and say things you regret later on. Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you have to attack that person's judgment. Everyone is entitled to their ideas, and they don't necessarily have to match your own opinions. Maybe you would like to make others conform to YOUR view of the world, and how things should be. But there is a diversity you can't ignore, different ways of life that you might not approve of. Voicing your disapproval however won't change anything; it might only make things worse. 

Detachment is the art of remaining silence in view of a person or situation that you find annoying, frustrating or downright infuriating. Let others get on with their lives and have their own experiences. You can't stop them from making mistakes, even though you can see clearly that they're doing the wrong thing. Pointing out their shortcomings will only cause anger and mistrust. This is especially true if they're not ready to change or mend their ways. A classic example is the alcoholic or drug addict who is not prepared to give up his or her addiction. No matter what you say will only make them want to abuse the substance more, while blatantly denying they have a problem.  

You often think that you know everything, that your knowledge surpasses that of others. Real wisdom though means you can accept differences and don't try to convince others of your superiority. To remain silent requires analysis and self-control. To sit back and observe rather than blurt something out shows maturity and patience. It proves that you strive for peaceful solutions, instead of initiating conflict.

Why not try the silent approach today?

With love,
Bella

Painting: "Broken Silence" by Ross Young

Why is it so Important to Have Hope?

"Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Life is full of ups and downs, and when sadness replaces the joy you once had, that's when hope becomes essential. Hope is trusting that things can only get better, no matter how gloomy they look right now. You need hope;  you can't live without it. You are the engine; hope is the fuel, and patience is the oil.  Form a positive image in your mind of the happy ending you wish for, and cling to it no matter what. 

Hope is an uplifting emotion. It pulls you up from disappointment, depression and despair. To cultivate hope, firmly believe that everything that happens to you is for your ultimate good. This becomes evident as you look back on your life and are able to see patterns more clearly. Retrospectively, you can understand the meaning of certain events offering lessons in disguise. 

Hope emerges when you realise that you can't do everything on your own. You need to depend more fully on your Higher Power. God will come to you during your darkest moments and whisper "hope" in your ear. This is your opportunity to allow Him into your heart and find the peace that was eluding you.

Stop fighting so hard. Allow the Divine hand to lift you up and guide you through the maze of your life, with all its endless twists and turns. Allow the Divine to help you with little things, as well as important decisions. Relax into the present moment. Cultivate hope like a delicate flower, and allow God to take over for you. 

With all my love, 

Bella 

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

my hope comes from Him. 

Truly He is my rock and my salvation; 

He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." - Psalm 62: 5-6

Painting: "Blue Orchid" by Li-Soro

Nothing is too Difficult !

"Whoever moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." - Confucius (Chinese teacher, writer, politician and philosopher, 551 - 580 BC).

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tsu (Chinese poet and philosopher, author of the Tao Te Ching, 604 - 531 BC).

In my book "The Magic of Willpower",  I emphasise the importance of taking "baby steps" when you decide to do something new. To break up your task into small, manageable portions will make it less overwhelming and less daunting, and you will be more likely to stick with it. 

You can achieve anything if you do it little by little, one day at a time. If you want to lose weight for instance, begin by introducing small changes to your dietary habits. You could  eat fruit every time you feel like snacking, instead of reaching for a packet of chips or a chocolate bar. It is better to take many small steps in the right direction, rather than making a great leap forward only to stumble backwards.

There is nothing you cannot accomplish, if your desire for it is strong enough, and if you divide your project into slices that you can handle without difficulty. The secret to big accomplishments is to start out small. If you were to show a student all the books he would have to read, and all the essays he would have to write during the entirety of his study years, he would probably be discouraged and give up right away. 

Inner transformation does not happen overnight. it is a step-by-step process of creation and change. Little by little, you become better at handing over your life to God and surrendering to what is. You stop interfering with other people's business, and concentrate on your own life, without judging others and without complaining. You wake up and become aware of all the little details of your surroundings; you feel appreciation for the beauty and diversity of life.

You vision takes hold of you and little by little, you begin working towards the realisation of your dream...

With all my love,

Bella

"Flowers and Birds": Chinese silk painting by unknown artist.

Keep an Open Mind!

"A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open." - Frank Zappa (American rock, jazz and classical musician and composer, 1940 - 1993)

What makes you so sure that you're right? How do you know that your ideas are the best? Sometimes you're so certain that the way you see things is the correct way, that you automatically assume that everyone else is wrong! You try to get your point across, but nothing seems to work: "He (or she) never listens to me, and I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall..."

When this feeling of powerlessness threatens to drive you crazy, put things back into perspective - and keep an open mind. When others don't want to listen to you, it may be time to reflect whether the point you're trying to prove is really valid. How do you know? Is it possible that you're wrong, and that you're being unreasonable, when you demand that others conform to your ideas and expectations? Wrong and right are not always black and white - and there are many shades of grey! Others are entitled to have their opinions, no matter how much you cling to yours.

People are at various stages in their lives. They might not be ready to hear what you have to say, or to accept it. They might have a goal or a purpose which differs from yours. You life might be heading in a certain direction while theirs might is going the opposite way. There is not just one answer to a problem. There might be many answers, and no one can guarantee which one is the best. Life is about trial and error. Acknowledging that others learn from their experiences, just like I do from mine, will help you understand that they are following their own personal path. It's not your job to interfere with their choices...

You can only live your own life to the best of your ability. Sometimes you're so adamant, and stubbornly cling to your point of view, that you don't take time to listen to others. Instead of being attentive and non-judgmental, you're already preparing your response in your head. Before you speak, take into consideration all possible reasons against your position. You can't impose your ideas on others. You can't convince them or force them to believe what you believe. You can't compel them to act a certain way, or to do certain things. 

Keeping an open will help you cultivate tolerance, understanding and empathy. It will make your daily life smoother and easier. It will pave the way for effective team work and peaceful cooperation with others.

"Be very very patient and very open-minded, and listen to what people have to say." - A.J. McLean, born 1978, American musician, singer, entertainer, and member of the Backstreet Boys.

With an open mind and with love,

Bella

Painting: "Tiger Lily" by Linda Richter, USA

Willpower is the Power of Endurance

"Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes." - Buddha

"Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory." - William Barclay (Scottish author, 1907 - 1978)

Sometimes you wish you could make your problems disappear, simply by waving a magic wand. This is why I chose "The Magic of Willpower" as the title for my book, as I had this vision of difficulties magically disappearing. And it is possible, if you develop self-discipline an endurance. It may not happen instantly but eventually, you will reap the results for your dedication. 

Sometimes you believe that the only way to be happy is to get rid of what is bothering your: whether it be a demanding boss, a domineering spouse, an invasive adult child at home, an obnoxious neighbour, a destructive puppy your children forced you to adopt, gloomy weather, or hopeless politicians...

But you didn't come into this life to have everything nice right away. You didn't come to have sunshine, lollipops and roses every day. You came to endure and make the best out of what you've got now.  If you manage to maintain a positive attitude in the midst of trouble, without losing your serenity, you've achieved more than you can hope for. 

Once you acquire the ability to control your thoughts (I explain how to do this in my book, "The Magic of Willpower"), your actions and words will follow and be in harmony with them. To your own surprise, you will experience a deep calm in the midst of turmoil, and become an observer. You won't lose your inner composure, which will allow you to be confident and overcome many obstacles.

Cultivating a patient and cheerful attitude will give you strength and courage. You won't be tempted to become upset, or to lose your temper and do things you might regret later. You won't be tempted to give up, because you know that the ultimate reward is what you've gained on the inside: sanity and peace of mind. You won't become agitated and fearful as soon as things threaten to go wrong. Instead, you will be equipped with the tools to deal with setbacks and crisis.

You don't know what life has in store for you. There are fabulous moments and not-so-fabulous ones! If you concentrate on your inner path, without losing your focus, you'll be able to ignore things that are unimportant, like someone who disagrees with you. You're not here to convince other that you're right and that they're wrong. You're here to endure what happens with steadfastness, and a general disposition to expect the best in all things. 

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Lavender Lotus Flower" by Mon Fagtanac, contemporary artist, San Juan, Luzon, Philippines.