How to Stop Having Regrets

"One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different." - Lemony Snicket.

Maybe there is something about your past that gives you shame, and that you don't want to tell anyone. You can't forgive yourself for this, and just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it's something you did to someone else, or maybe you did it to yourself. 

You could also have regrets for lost opportunities. You torture yourself, repeating to yourself: "I should have done this, or I should have done that..." But it's too late now. Unfortunately, you can't you can't go back in time.

Guilt is a useless emotion, because it does nothing for you, except keeping you trapped in an endless cycle of guilt,  shame, regret, punishment and low self-esteem. It's time to break your shackles and live your life without looking back. Accept yourself as you are now. Everything you did is a part of you, but it's not what keeps you going today. What keeps you going is what you think from moment to moment, and the decisions you make as a result.

Acknowledge your mistakes without fear. Talk to yourself, talk to someone else like a trusted friend or a counsellor. You mistakes seem unforgivable to you, but someone else may have more empathy for you. We are our own harshest judges! "I can never forgive myself for this" is an attitude that won't set you free, but keep you chained to the past. I you can't forgive yourself, you'll remain stuck in a destructive cycle and repeat the regretful actions over and over, instead of breaking free from them.

Put your mistakes into perspective. Maybe you did something terrible, but why did you do it? What were your circumstances? For instance, maybe you took drugs or were promiscuous because you felt lonely and depressed, and wanted to fit in. Maybe it was the only way you had to cope with difficult circumstances. It's not about finding excuses, but about putting your behaviour into context. Maybe you did the best you could at the time with the tools and knowledge you had. 

Learn and grow from what you did instead of berating yourself. Guilt is toxic to your self esteem, and peace and happiness will elude you if you keep holding yourself in contempt. Understand your actions and make a commitment  to act differently from now on. You can't erase your mistakes, but you can make up for them, by learning from them and making amends to the people you hurt or to yourself. 

You can decide to choose serenity over self-condemnation. Do you want to continue suffering or make a decision to be free from the past? Instead of dwelling on your past mistakes, focus on all the opportunities the present has to offer. Beating up on yourself won't improve your life, but making a decision to be put an end to regrets and to be happy will.

"Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets." - Henry A. Kissinger.

With all my love,

Bella

Open Yourself to the Light!

Water lilies symbolise beauty, purity and innocence. In Buddhism, the lotus is a symbol of enlightenment. The petals represent the different struggles you endure on your path to spiritual awakening. The centre of the flower represents the state of enlightenment. When there is a dark shadow during any experience, you can turn to the light, and you can do it consciously. You can choose to look at things with renewed hope.

"Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

Children are innocent and open to the light because they have no resistance within them. They don't dwell on the past. They put differences behind them as quickly as possible. Observe them at play, how they live fully in the present, how tolerant and forgiving they are. They don't bear grudges, and their primary concern is to create joy in the now. 

As you become a child again, you become like a water lily: your battles turn into petals. The darkness is overcome... And the Light of God triumphs as you let it into your heart, erasing all negative feelings. You finally leave behind bad memories and face a glorious present and future without hatred or prejudice. Love is all that matters, and as you open yourself to the Light, you open yourself to the power of Love.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

With all my love to you,

now and always

Bella

Painting: "Water Lilies" by Eugeni Balakshin, 1962, Russia.

Fear is a Habit You Can Undo!

"Fear is a habit; so is self-pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resignation. You can eliminate all of these negative habits with two simple resolves: I can! and I will!" - Unknown

In my book "The Magic of Willpower" I explain that a habit is something you do over and over, on a daily basis, until it becomes automatic. Repetition leads to routine, and soon this "habit" becomes a part of you, like the clothes you wear. It seems fairly easy to form new habits, but it's a lot harder to get rid of old ones. The secret to eliminating unwanted habits is to replace them with new ones that will serve you better. Ditch your negative thoughts and adopt a positive, non-judgmental way of thinking, and it will become a natural part of you!

Like a lot of people, you may approach challenges with anxiety and worry instead of trust. Straight away, you recall past experiences, and tend to compare what's happening now with what happened back then, and draw conclusions. You tend to believe that it will turn out the same way... And you decide to avoid certain situations altogether, or you approach them with negative expectations.

"Once bitten, twice shy" is a saying a lot of people tend to live by, either consciously or subconsciously. But is it really worth it, imagining the worst case scenario, just because in the past it happened that way, and you have been scarred by these traumatic events? Why not start the day with a fresh outlook, and a brand new hope in your heart - and the certainty that things will work out for the best this time?

Just because you suffered a bad experience in the past doesn't mean it will repeat itself. It won't necessarily be the same this time! Circumstances may be similar, and yet outcomes can be totally different. You may harbour a deep fear of being hurt - but in most cases, you're the one who chooses to be injured.

You might not be able to choose your circumstances, but you can choose your thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. Imagination is a powerful tool. It allows you to project yourself into the future in a positive, constructive way - instead of feeling sorry for yourself and stuck in an uncomfortable place.

You can move forward without fear and without hesitation. You can enjoy the present without having to worry about the future. You can live for this moment... All you need to do is let go of excuses and seize the day. This is your life... Make the most out of it. Never allow fear to hold you back!

With love and warm thoughts,

Bella

Paiting:"Dragonfly" by Stephanie Estrin, USA