Self Love is Selfless Love

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde

If you don't love yourself, you can't really love anyone else. And others won't love you either, at least not in the way you would like them to love you.  Treat yourself well if you want others to treat you well. Respect yourself if you want others to respect you. Love begins right here. It begins with you. Self-love comes before anything else, and it has nothing to do with arrogance or selfishness.

Stop criticising yourself, once and for all. "I am too short, too fat, too young, too old, too unfit, too lazy, too clumsy..." With this kind of self-talk, you cultivate low self-esteem, which is the source of emotional problems. You prevent yourself from achieving your full potential. You perpetuate an unforgiving attitude towards yourself, your past, your mistakes, your lack of achievement, and how you compare with others.

What others do with their lives has nothing to do with you. If they do better romantically or financially, don't envy them; be happy for them. Whatever quality you admire in others is already within yourself! You just need to "let it go", to allow it to be free and to express itself.

You are a unique human being, amazing just the way you are. If you want to change, do it for your own pleasure, not because you "have to" and not because you need to please someone else. If you really love yourself, you'll find it easy to give up habits like smoking, drinking excessively, overeating or overspending. If you really love yourself, you won't hurt yourself, just like you won't hurt other people. 

From now on, you can make a decision to treat yourself better every day. You will have understanding and compassion for yourself, the kind of empathy you would have for a little child. You will fully embrace yourself with all your assets and so-called defects of character.

If you were perfect, you would be pretty boring; there would be no mystery about you, as your "dark" side makes you exciting too! Just dare to expose it, instead of trying to hide it. People will open up to you about their own weaknesses if you tell them all the things you regret doing! You will quickly find out that you're not the only one... Only saints have halos, but you are who you are, and that's okay!

Relationships come and go. People get disappointed; they get hurt. Rejection is a part of life, but you don't need to reject yourself. The love you have for yourself will never die, no matter what happens in your life. It will always be there, even when things don't go according to plan. You have a person to live with at all times: yourself. Be your own best friend, and you'll always have good company!

It's impossible to be lonely when you love yourself. At the same time, you will be a magnet for others. People love people who genuinely love themselves, because it makes them feel good. And it makes them want to love themselves too. 

Self-love is catching. Self-love is selfless: in the end, it makes you a better person!

With much love for everyone, including myself!
Bella

Painting: "Endless Tunnel of Love" by Yelena Rubin

Start Every Day with Hope in your Heart...

"There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen (Anthem - from his album The Future).

Let the light come in through the cracks of your being. Allow the positive energy of HOPE to infuse you today. Bask in it, bathe in it, let it penetrate every pore of your skin.

Hope is at your fingertips. Forget your regrets about yesterday, and forget your worries about tomorrow. Become totally lost in the present. That's where your point of power is, right here, in the now.

Every day brings with it unlimited possibilities, new challenges and choices that are yours to make. Allow the grace and beauty of a new sunrise to touch your soul. Remove your shackles; let go of yesterday's sadness and grief. There is so much love and joy around you, but it's up to you to allow them into your experience.

Hope is an expectation in our heart of good things to come. No matter what problem you're facing right now, you know that it will get better. you trust the world to be on your side and give you the answers you need. You trust that no matter how desperate a situation is, improvement is always possible. You trust that after the rain, there will be sunshine again.

Hope is a burning flame that will never go out. Hope is life itself. It's what keeps you going, no matter what you're going through! Your wishes are there to come true. Eventually, what you pray for will become a reality...

With much love,

Bella

"God is a shower to the heart burned up with grief. God is a sun to the face deluged with tears." - Joseph Roux, Meditations of a Parish Priest.

Painting: "Sunrise" by Margret Hofheinz-Doring, 1910-1994, German.

Nothing is too Difficult !

"Whoever moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." - Confucius (Chinese teacher, writer, politician and philosopher, 551 - 580 BC).

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tsu (Chinese poet and philosopher, author of the Tao Te Ching, 604 - 531 BC).

In my book "The Magic of Willpower",  I emphasise the importance of taking "baby steps" when you decide to do something new. To break up your task into small, manageable portions will make it less overwhelming and less daunting, and you will be more likely to stick with it. 

You can achieve anything if you do it little by little, one day at a time. If you want to lose weight for instance, begin by introducing small changes to your dietary habits. You could  eat fruit every time you feel like snacking, instead of reaching for a packet of chips or a chocolate bar. It is better to take many small steps in the right direction, rather than making a great leap forward only to stumble backwards.

There is nothing you cannot accomplish, if your desire for it is strong enough, and if you divide your project into slices that you can handle without difficulty. The secret to big accomplishments is to start out small. If you were to show a student all the books he would have to read, and all the essays he would have to write during the entirety of his study years, he would probably be discouraged and give up right away. 

Inner transformation does not happen overnight. it is a step-by-step process of creation and change. Little by little, you become better at handing over your life to God and surrendering to what is. You stop interfering with other people's business, and concentrate on your own life, without judging others and without complaining. You wake up and become aware of all the little details of your surroundings; you feel appreciation for the beauty and diversity of life.

You vision takes hold of you and little by little, you begin working towards the realisation of your dream...

With all my love,

Bella

"Flowers and Birds": Chinese silk painting by unknown artist.

Addiction is a Decision!

"Life is a series of baby steps along the way and if you add up these tiny little steps you take toward your goal, whatever it is, whether it's giving up something, a terrible addiction or trying to work your way through an illness. When you total up those baby steps you'd be amazed over the course of ten years, the strides you've taken." - Hoda Kotb, Egyptian-American TV host.

We humans tend to get addicted to a lot of things that aren't good for us. We tend to destroy ourselves, instead of looking after ourselves to the best of our ability. Some of us are addicted to nicotine, drugs or alcohol. Others are addicted to junk food or sugar. Some are addicted to gambling or shopping. Others are addicted to work or dysfunctional relationships...

It doesn't really matter what you're addicted to; right now you've reached a stage in your life when you want to rid yourself of these negative patterns. You want to let go of these behaviours as their painful consequences now outweigh the thrill they once provided.

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I explain that addiction is a decision. You want something, so you make up your mind to obtain it and consume it. This process is repeated over and over until it gets out of hand. As time goes by, this decision-making process gets out of control; it becomes an addiction. Are you going to do it or are you not going to do it? Each and every time, it's a decision, it's a choice. String all these decisions together, and you have a pattern of behaviour that will determine the course of your life. It will determine what sort of person you will be. Every moment of your life, you have a choice.

Live this moment to the fullest, and make decisions that are good for you. Only one day at a time, one moment at a time if necessary. Learn the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Say it over and over. Say it every time you need to make a decision!

With love and bright thoughts of encouragement,

Bella

Painting:"High Above Amalfi" by Mikki Senkarik, American.

Keep an Open Mind!

"A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open." - Frank Zappa (American rock, jazz and classical musician and composer, 1940 - 1993)

What makes you so sure that you're right? How do you know that your ideas are the best? Sometimes you're so certain that the way you see things is the correct way, that you automatically assume that everyone else is wrong! You try to get your point across, but nothing seems to work: "He (or she) never listens to me, and I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall..."

When this feeling of powerlessness threatens to drive you crazy, put things back into perspective - and keep an open mind. When others don't want to listen to you, it may be time to reflect whether the point you're trying to prove is really valid. How do you know? Is it possible that you're wrong, and that you're being unreasonable, when you demand that others conform to your ideas and expectations? Wrong and right are not always black and white - and there are many shades of grey! Others are entitled to have their opinions, no matter how much you cling to yours.

People are at various stages in their lives. They might not be ready to hear what you have to say, or to accept it. They might have a goal or a purpose which differs from yours. You life might be heading in a certain direction while theirs might is going the opposite way. There is not just one answer to a problem. There might be many answers, and no one can guarantee which one is the best. Life is about trial and error. Acknowledging that others learn from their experiences, just like I do from mine, will help you understand that they are following their own personal path. It's not your job to interfere with their choices...

You can only live your own life to the best of your ability. Sometimes you're so adamant, and stubbornly cling to your point of view, that you don't take time to listen to others. Instead of being attentive and non-judgmental, you're already preparing your response in your head. Before you speak, take into consideration all possible reasons against your position. You can't impose your ideas on others. You can't convince them or force them to believe what you believe. You can't compel them to act a certain way, or to do certain things. 

Keeping an open will help you cultivate tolerance, understanding and empathy. It will make your daily life smoother and easier. It will pave the way for effective team work and peaceful cooperation with others.

"Be very very patient and very open-minded, and listen to what people have to say." - A.J. McLean, born 1978, American musician, singer, entertainer, and member of the Backstreet Boys.

With an open mind and with love,

Bella

Painting: "Tiger Lily" by Linda Richter, USA

Your New Inner Power is Emerging!

"Look well within thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.

Little by little, as you begin to get more and more in touch with yourself, and accept who you are, totally and unconditionally, it dawns on you that you do actually have power, when you doubted that you had any.

You thought you were dependent, when in reality you are independent. You thought you were weak, when in reality you are much stronger than you would have ever believed. In the face of obstacles and adversity, you have developed endurance. In the midst of despair, you have cultivated hope. You begin to feel your power like a light inside yourself, flimsy like candlelight at first, until it becomes a blazing fire. 

You are a spiritual being having a human experience. As you clear out the garbage of addictive and counterproductive habits, you uncover your precious soul that's been lying dormant for so long, under layers of lies, self-deceit and pretences. You finally decide to put a stop to self-abuse, and you discover that the person you harmed the most in the past is yourself.

Now you are ready to become alive and in tune with infinity, with the Divine. Everything feels easier, and your life is finally flowing like a gentle river. You no longer want to control everything, and you allow the current to carry you where you are supposed to go. You stop offering unnecessary resistance to what is. You become united with the Universe, and this feeling of wholeness is not an illusion: it is your new reality, as you give birth to your inner power.

This power has nothing to do with having influence over others. It has nothing to do with scheming or manipulating or getting your own way. It does not come from being able to make others do certain things, like following your lead or buying your products. It is  the power of letting others be what they wish to be, without trying to whip them into shape.

Your new power is a very personal one, much stronger and long-lasting than anything you have enjoyed so far.  People will turn to you and imitate you, not because they are intimidated by you, or because they want to bathe in your glory. All they can see is that you are leading a meaningful life. They can see that you have peace of mind.

Once you are in touch with the light within yourself, do not hide it. Allow it to shine!

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." - Matthew 5:14-15

Painting: "Still Life Candlelight" oil and pencil drawing form the Colonie Central High School Art Gallery

Fear is a Habit You Can Undo!

"Fear is a habit; so is self-pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resignation. You can eliminate all of these negative habits with two simple resolves: I can! and I will!" - Unknown

In my book "The Magic of Willpower" I explain that a habit is something you do over and over, on a daily basis, until it becomes automatic. Repetition leads to routine, and soon this "habit" becomes a part of you, like the clothes you wear. It seems fairly easy to form new habits, but it's a lot harder to get rid of old ones. The secret to eliminating unwanted habits is to replace them with new ones that will serve you better. Ditch your negative thoughts and adopt a positive, non-judgmental way of thinking, and it will become a natural part of you!

Like a lot of people, you may approach challenges with anxiety and worry instead of trust. Straight away, you recall past experiences, and tend to compare what's happening now with what happened back then, and draw conclusions. You tend to believe that it will turn out the same way... And you decide to avoid certain situations altogether, or you approach them with negative expectations.

"Once bitten, twice shy" is a saying a lot of people tend to live by, either consciously or subconsciously. But is it really worth it, imagining the worst case scenario, just because in the past it happened that way, and you have been scarred by these traumatic events? Why not start the day with a fresh outlook, and a brand new hope in your heart - and the certainty that things will work out for the best this time?

Just because you suffered a bad experience in the past doesn't mean it will repeat itself. It won't necessarily be the same this time! Circumstances may be similar, and yet outcomes can be totally different. You may harbour a deep fear of being hurt - but in most cases, you're the one who chooses to be injured.

You might not be able to choose your circumstances, but you can choose your thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. Imagination is a powerful tool. It allows you to project yourself into the future in a positive, constructive way - instead of feeling sorry for yourself and stuck in an uncomfortable place.

You can move forward without fear and without hesitation. You can enjoy the present without having to worry about the future. You can live for this moment... All you need to do is let go of excuses and seize the day. This is your life... Make the most out of it. Never allow fear to hold you back!

With love and warm thoughts,

Bella

Paiting:"Dragonfly" by Stephanie Estrin, USA