Tune into Your Body

It's amazing how preoccupied we can be with our body, while at the same time, being out of touch with it. This obsession is mostly about looks and it usually focuses on the negative aspects of our body, rather than the positive ones. 

When you grew up, you were probably insecure and as you compared yourself to others who in your opinion, were better looking and therefore deserving of more admiration and respect. As you became older and more mature, you stopped comparing yourself to others, but this basic insecurity remained with you. Most adults feel that there are too fat, too short, too tall, too ugly, as if there was some model of perfection they need to measure up to. Magazines emphasise this concept as they project an ideal that is out of reach for the average human. 

It's time to love your body, this marvellous machine, and accepting it as it is, instead of wishing it were different. Your body can walk, sit down and reach for things. It can run, jump and climb. It knows how to digest food and makes your heart beat without your intervention. It will even breathe for you, without you having to do it consciously. Your body can feel things and taste food and experience all sort of sensations. You may take it for granted until something happens to it, and you lose any of these abilities due to an accident or illness. Then you yearn for them and wish you could have them back and be like you were before. Imagine what it would be like if you were paralysed, wheelchair bound and at the mercy of other people's kindness and assistance. This is a quick way to stop being complacent.

An effective exercise to get in touch with your body and tune into is the 'body scan'. You can do it while comfortably seated or lying down. It consists in relaxing your muscles one by one while travelling through your body, beginning with your feet and ending at the top of your head. Begin with the toes of your left foot, then move up your leg to your pelvis, and start again with your foot and leg. Consciously breathe in and out. While you're breathing out, imagine tension and toxins leaving your body. Once you reach the pelvis again, move to your abdomen, lower back, chest and upper back. Then to your arms one by one, starting with your fingertips. Next your shoulders and your neck, then your face, the back of your head and finally the top of your head. Imagine a whole on top of your head: you're breathing through it as if it were a blowhole. Visualise your breath flowing from your feet to the top of your head, while entering every region of your body and relaxing, rejuvenating them. 

Do this body scan every day if you can, or whenever you have a few minutes to yourself. Notice how your body feels different every time you're doing it, and how your aches and pains begin to disappear. When you do this regularly, you will feel your body relaxing and becoming your friend, your ally, instead of your enemy. You will develop appreciation and respect for everything it can do, and how well it serves you. You've ignored your body so far, but now you're paying attention to it, and you feel a new sense of empowerment that comes from knowing your body and being in tune with it.

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Relaxing on the Beach" by Robert Anderson.

Don't Hate Yourself Because You're Overweight or Obese

"If someone in your life talked to you like you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago." - Carla Gordon

There is a contempt for fat in society, while skinny people seem to get all the attention, as well as more smiles, more lovers and more job opportunities. As a result, many people who struggle with weight issues begin to despise themselves. Instead of acknowledging their beauty, they focus on how shallow society views them, and incorporate that hateful picture into their self image.

We all have things about our appearance we wish we could change, but if you're overweight, this feeling of dissatisfaction can become extreme. You end up being angry at yourself and loathing your body. Inside your head, a little voice whispers to you: 'You're not good enough', when in reality, you are a beautiful person with a good heart, a wonderful personality and unique talents. There is nothing wrong with you! People come in all shapes and sizes, and beauty always transcends outward appearance.

It is horrifying that in today's society, being mean to fat people seems to be the norm. 'Fat jokes' have become commonplace, and they imply that it's acceptable to berate those who are heavy. Almost everywhere you look, you see skinny as the ideal, and bad luck to those who don't fit that image of perfection.

Overweight people take notice of the subtle and often not so subtle jabs against them. When you're constantly told that you're not good enough and that you're wrong, you actually start to believe this. Maybe you've had to cope with extra weight for a long time. You're aware of society's negative opinion about your body shape. You often make fat jokes about yourself, just to keep others from hurting you with the same sarcastic words. Basically, you attack yourself before anyone else can do it, as a way to protect yourself. 

Sadly, you may not even be aware of what you're doing to yourself. Every time you make a disparaging comment about yourself, you die a little bit inside. You're scarring your soul, as you're proclaiming that you're ugly and wrong. That is simply not true!

Others can be cruel, but you can be your most nasty critic. The merry-go-round of self-hate that goes through your head can be overwhelming. If you don't believe it, start a diary and log each time you have a negative thought about yourself. You will be shocked at how much you put yourself down. And when others treat you with disrespect, you join in with these bullies: you're worse to yourself in your thoughts.

When you sit down to eat a plate of your favourite food, instead of enjoying it, you berate yourself and call yourself a 'pig' for eating such a treat. You feel guilty and embarrassed, but flogging yourself does nothing for your self-esteem. It only reinforces your negative self-image, and stops you from loving yourself. 

Even though you're overweight or obese, you're okay the way you are. You deserve happiness just like everyone else does. Weight is a tricky subject for you, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to make the most out of your life and enjoy every minute of it. Your life is too short to worry about fitting into a pair of jeans or being a certain size. The truth is that if you don't learn to love yourself, even if you lost weight, you still wouldn't be happy.

It's time to come to terms with who you are and embrace your whole being, body and soul. Never put yourself down again, and reassure yourself that you're fine and that everything will be okay, no matter what. And you are beautiful, no matter what anyone says.

Many people know what it's like to struggle with weight, and they won't judge you. Those who show hate and contempt shouldn't be on your radar. These people are insecure, as they need to put others down in order to build themselves up. The best strategy is to ignore them!

From now on, you have full permission to like yourself. Give yourself the love you deserve. Life is hard, but you deserve to smile and feel good about yourself. No one knows your situation better than you do, and others have no right to judge or belittle you. Enjoy all the delicious foods you eat without guilt - and above all, love yourself.

When this life comes to an end and you cross over, God will not ask you why you didn't lose weight. But He will ask why you didn't love yourself.


With love,

Bella

Painting: 'Lightness of Being' by Volegov

How Can You Improve Your Self-Esteem?

" I am a wonderful and unique human being."
"I am a good person and I deserve good things to happen to me."

What effect do these words have on you? Do you feel a bit queasy? Do you feel your throat constricting, your eyes welling up with tears?

Give up the idea of self-improvement, and switch to self-acceptance. Accept yourself exactly as you are, even and especially if you're overweight, unfit, unmotivated or if you have an addiction. Accept yourself if you're going through a difficult time, with your boss, spouse, parents, children, or neighbours. Problematic relationships, health issues and financial struggles can really pull you down. 

Be aware of your fears and let them go, one by one. Hard times will test you, but a positive attitude towards yourself will pave the way for positive outcomes, because you know you're worth it, and you know that everything will be all right in the end.

Mirror work is like a magic wand when developing a positive self-image. After all, this is what you see in the mirror: the image of your own self. Mirror work is very simple and doesn't require much time. In the morning, say "I love you" to yourself, while looking deep into your own eyes. Don't be phoney about it. Really mean it, from the bottom of your heart. Repeat the same thing at night, before going to bed. 

Morning and night is the minimum, but you can do it as many times as you need during the day. Every time you feel discouraged or depressed, go to the mirror, and tell yourself how much you love yourself. You will soon notice an enormous difference in your life.

Never belittle or put yourself down. Use affirmation when you think or talk about yourself. Affirmation are positive statements you repeat over and over to condition your subconscious - as a result you will begin to think differently:

- I love and accept myself unconditionally.
- I approve of myself and feel great about myself.
- I radiate love and respect and in return, I get love and respect.
- I am a well-loved and respected person.
- I accept others as they are and they accept me as I am.
- It matters little what others say. What matters is how I react, and what I believe.
- I deserve all that is good. I release any need for misery or suffering.
- I release the need to be a victim. I am a powerful person and have full control over my life.
- I release the need to prove myself to others, as I am who I am, and I love it that way.
- I am solution minded. Any problem that shows up in my life is solvable.
- I am never alone. God supports me and is with me, every step of the way.
- My mind is filled with positive, loving and healthy thoughts that are reflected in my life experience.
- My mind is full of gratitude for my precious, wonderful life.
- I release the past and live only in the present. I enjoy my life to the fullest.

Self-esteem is how you see yourself, and therefore look after yourself. If your self-esteem is healthy, you will take good care of yourself. You will eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly. You will get sufficient sleep and drink your eight glasses of water a day. You will attract relationships that are good for you. You will avoid stress, cultivate peace of mind and practice non-violent communication. You will strive for understanding, instead of conflict.

Forgive yourself for all your past mistakes, without exceptions. Guilt is a useless emotion. Make a commitment to treat yourself well, starting from this very moment. Set small, achievable goals for yourself. Look after your body: it's the only one you have. Take time to do something nice for yourself. 

Relax in the knowledge that all is well and continues to be well. Problems come and go, but the love you have for yourself will always be there.

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Garrowby Hill" by David Hockney

Self Love is Selfless Love

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde

If you don't love yourself, you can't really love anyone else. And others won't love you either, at least not in the way you would like them to love you.  Treat yourself well if you want others to treat you well. Respect yourself if you want others to respect you. Love begins right here. It begins with you. Self-love comes before anything else, and it has nothing to do with arrogance or selfishness.

Stop criticising yourself, once and for all. "I am too short, too fat, too young, too old, too unfit, too lazy, too clumsy..." With this kind of self-talk, you cultivate low self-esteem, which is the source of emotional problems. You prevent yourself from achieving your full potential. You perpetuate an unforgiving attitude towards yourself, your past, your mistakes, your lack of achievement, and how you compare with others.

What others do with their lives has nothing to do with you. If they do better romantically or financially, don't envy them; be happy for them. Whatever quality you admire in others is already within yourself! You just need to "let it go", to allow it to be free and to express itself.

You are a unique human being, amazing just the way you are. If you want to change, do it for your own pleasure, not because you "have to" and not because you need to please someone else. If you really love yourself, you'll find it easy to give up habits like smoking, drinking excessively, overeating or overspending. If you really love yourself, you won't hurt yourself, just like you won't hurt other people. 

From now on, you can make a decision to treat yourself better every day. You will have understanding and compassion for yourself, the kind of empathy you would have for a little child. You will fully embrace yourself with all your assets and so-called defects of character.

If you were perfect, you would be pretty boring; there would be no mystery about you, as your "dark" side makes you exciting too! Just dare to expose it, instead of trying to hide it. People will open up to you about their own weaknesses if you tell them all the things you regret doing! You will quickly find out that you're not the only one... Only saints have halos, but you are who you are, and that's okay!

Relationships come and go. People get disappointed; they get hurt. Rejection is a part of life, but you don't need to reject yourself. The love you have for yourself will never die, no matter what happens in your life. It will always be there, even when things don't go according to plan. You have a person to live with at all times: yourself. Be your own best friend, and you'll always have good company!

It's impossible to be lonely when you love yourself. At the same time, you will be a magnet for others. People love people who genuinely love themselves, because it makes them feel good. And it makes them want to love themselves too. 

Self-love is catching. Self-love is selfless: in the end, it makes you a better person!

With much love for everyone, including myself!
Bella

Painting: "Endless Tunnel of Love" by Yelena Rubin

LET IT GO

"Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order" - Dr. Anne Wilson Schaef

Why can't you be happy just the way you are? Why do you feel the need to improve yourself all the time? Does it really matter who you are and what you're doing and what you will achieve in the future? Can't you simply appreciate the human being you are, without any labels attached? Can't you simply appreciate the miracle that you're here right now? Do you believe that you need to be doing something all the time in order to feel worthy?

Wouldn't it be nice if you woke up one morning and said to yourself: "Today it doesn't matter if I don't get a lot done, if I don't progress towards my goals. Actually, it doesn't matter if I don't get anything done at all. Living, breathing and listening to my own heart beating is an achievement in itself!"

Maybe you can do what you need to do, and still be yourself. For once, put stress aside. Usually you feel under pressure all the time, because you set yourself too many objectives, and plan too many tasks. You expect too much of yourself and become overwhelmed. Depression means that something is pressing down on you, and most of the time, you're doing it to yourself; it's self-inflicted! 

Relentlessly, you allow the urge to impress yourself and others to rule you. You allow this need to take over, and you do everything you can to prove that you're better, smarter, more disciplined, more in control of your life. But the harder you struggle and strive towards your goals, the less you seem to be able to attain them. The more you sweat and grit your teeth, the more things seem to drift out of reach.

Surrender and abandon the need to change yourself. Instead, start embracing your real self. You can become who you truly are instead of trying so hard to turn into someone else. Someone more efficient, more successful, more diet-conscious, more physically active, more attractive, more witty, more creative, more passionate, more motivated, more enthusiastic, more energetic, more organised etc. 

LET IT GO. Real change happens once you accept who you really are, instead of rejecting and fighting against your innate personality. Humility is a sign of strength, and it comes from accepting and loving yourself, not because you're perfect, but in spite of the fact that you're an imperfect human being, just like everyone else!

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Avond Evening, Red Tree" by Piet Mondrian