Who do you want to be?

"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." - Aldous Huxley

Who exactly do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to be? What are your personal ideals? Is there someone you admire? What are the special traits of this person that you would like to make your own? It's time to stop being vague. If you wish to be an extraordinary person, if you wish to be wise and successful, begin by identifying the kind of person you aspire to become. Be specific. If you have a diary, write down who you're striving to be, so that you can refer to this self-definition. Precisely describe the kind of thoughts and behaviour you would like to adopt, so that you can preserve these when you're by yourself or in the company of other people.

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I recommend that you examine yourself thoroughly, to find out what your values are, what's important to you, and to live according to these guidelines. For instance, if compassion and generosity are essential in your eyes, make sure your actions reflect this part of your personality. If you do something over and over, it becomes a habit, a part of you, just like the clothes you wear. Make it a habit to live according to your own ideals and principles, and you will be at peace with yourself.

With love,

Bella

Painting by Yayoi Kusama, 1988, Japan

Be Happy Now!

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?" - Albert Camus.

Happiness is everything, and you need to extract it from every moment of your life! Infuse it with all the joy that you can conjure up, no matter where you are and what you're doing...

Set your self a goal: it will give your life purpose and direction. Imagine arriving at your desired destination after a long and often difficult journey. At the end, you will reap the rewards for your efforts. But in the meantime, you can feel happiness too. You can enjoy the road you're taking, what I call the "process" in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". If you can find pleasure in the steps you're taking towards your dream, you're halfway there! 

Be happy now. Don't wait until you have more money, or a new job, or you've met that special person, or your illness goes away... 

Sometimes bad things happen to you. You feel sad; you feel the need to grieve - and that's okay. Accept it as a part of your journey. 

How you feel in this moment is up to you. It's your choice. You can choose to be happy, even though the world around you seems to be crumbling. Joy is a gift you can create for yourself. Take charge of your feelings; take charge of your happiness - as from today.

Seek the light instead of the shadows... Seek the sunshine, even if it rains. Look at the rainbow in the sky.

Seek the invincible summer inside of you. 

Treasure your happiness. And above all, share it with others!

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Paysage colore aux oiseaux aquatiques" by Jean Metzinger, 1907, France

Being an Optimist

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present." - Rabindranath Tagore

How you look at things defines you as a pessimist or an optimist. The pessimist doesn't believe in happy endings; he or she believes that they are doomed to be miserable, and that nothing good will ever happen to them. Some pessimists become depressed and turn to substance abuse to blot out painful feelings. They usually don't experience much success and tend to blame others for their problems. The optimist is the opposite: he or she believes that things will work out eventually, and that it is possible to be happy, no matter how grim things are looking at the moment. The optimist takes responsibility for his or her life and doesn't waste time looking for scapegoats. 

So why is it better to be an optimist? Aren't you kidding yourself when you put on those rosy glasses? It has been proven that optimists live longer, have less stress and suffer less diseases than pessimists. Optimists have stronger immune systems. They are also more successful than pessimists in every area of their lives, whether it be love, finances or simply getting a parking spot in a crowded lot.

Being an optimist is about being adventurous, and approaching every situation without fear and with a positive attitude. It is about trusting yourself and your ability to master any situation one step at a time, no matter how challenging it is. I will show you how to do this in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". Willpower is a direct consequence of the way you look at things - all of a sudden, what seemed impossible becomes a reality, a part of you. You never suspected that you had this potential hidden inside of you! Congratulate yourself for your achievements so far, no matter how big or small they may be, and no matter how great or insignificant they may be in other people's eyes.

Surround yourself with positive, optimistic people and shut out negative influences. An optimist might hear a disparaging remark, but won't take it to heart. He or she believes that human beings are inherently good and trustworthy. Don't be scared of making mistakes, they're part of your learning journey. There is no failure. Everything that happens to you is an opportunity to move forward and to learn new skills, such as patience, endurance and self-discipline.

Pain is only temporary, while optimism is an eternal gift. Once you've adopted this attitude, your life will inevitably improve, because of the way you perceive people, situations and events. Being an optimist is a way of life, and it's probably the best and most rewarding of all.

Have a nice day with lots of positive thoughts!

Bella

Painting: "Landscape by Moonlight" by Jan Sluyters, 1911

Focus on the Positive

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Cicero

Maybe it's a habit for you to have an inner conversation about the things that go wrong in your life. "Oh no, not again... Why is this happening to me? Why me? Why can't I be lucky for a change?"
You may spend a lot of time judging yourself and others: "I shouldn't have done this or that... I'm such an idiot... If only I'd known... This person is so rude and annoying... She's so selfish... He's so arrogant... These people are not doing their job properly..." And so on... Your thoughts continue to run along these lines... Including what you say to yourself about your financial situation: "There's never enough money... When am I going to have more money? Prices are going up all the time... How am I going to afford this? Why do I have to pay so much for this?"

Today you can decide to clear your head of this endless chatter which is not beneficial for you. Instead, you can begin to focus on the good things in your life. Is there anything that's going well for you? It could be your health, your job, your family, your friends, your car, your neighbourhood, your leisure activities... It could be your cat, your dog or even your goldfish. It could be your boss who hasn't criticised you for the last couple of weeks. It could be having a roof over your head and food on the table. It could be as simple as being alive, even if you have nothing else. There is a lot to be grateful for if you really think about it!

Instead of focusing on the negative, you can change your thoughts and begin to like your circumstances and the people around you, rather than rejecting them and fighting against them. No human being is perfect, but as you accept other people's imperfections, while highlighting their qualities, you'll start seeing them in a different light. You'll become more lenient and have less expectations. Human beings are fallible, prone to mistakes, and likely to hurt others, often unintentionally. Others say or do things you don't like, and you can't change them. But you can set boundaries, by not allowing them to intrude into your privacy and interfere with your life and your choices. You give them the right to be themselves, while kindly asking them to do the same for us. This is the true meaning of respect.

You can allow things to affect you and become angry or upset. Or you can choose to maintain an inner peace, an inner sanctuary that nothing can disturb. Temporary frustration is not much compared to inner harmony and stability, a core strength within your self - the intention to see everything in a positive light, no matter what... If you're feeling low, you can look outside the window and reflect on the scenery: the sky, the clouds, the wind blowing the trees around... A single flower, an intricate spider web, a rainbow in a puddle of water, children playing, birds twittering... Beauty and serenity are always available if you seek them out, and you can appreciate them at any time.

As soon as a negative, judgemental thought enters your mind, replace it with a positive, uplifting one. Cling to it and don't let worry or anxiety take over your blissful inner landscape. Trust that all is well, and will continue to be that way, no matter what's happening around you. Don't project crisis and disaster into the future, but expect outcomes to be in your favour. Appreciate what you've got now, and you will attract more of it into your life!

With much love,
Bella

Painting: "Field Flowers" by Nicolae Tonitza (1886 - 1940), Romania, post-impressionism

Anger and Willpower

"Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry." - Ephesians 4:27

One of the topics in my book, "The Magic of Willpower." is anger. Anger can make you lose control and when you're in that situation, willpower goes out the window. All your resolutions dwindle and you find yourself in a vulnerable position. You lose sight of your goal, which is to be in control of your reactions and ultimately your life. To be at the mercy of your emotions can be painful. In the case of anger, it causes more damage to you than to the person you're angry at.

It's almost an instinctive reaction to let anger well up inside of you when someone says or does something that you don't agree with or find offensive. While this may be a violation of your boundaries, you don't have to lower yourself to the level of negative, destructive emotions. You can remain above it, and decide not to take it to heart and above all, not to retaliate.

You need to take a detached view of what is happening and cultivate a sense of peace and serenity, no matter what's happening. Don't allow yourself to get involved emotionally. And you need to do it before the steam of the argument builds up, or it might lead to an explosion. "Time out" is sometimes necessary - like leaving the room or even leaving the house. If you let anger take hold of you and dictate your words and actions, you will lose control and inflict damage onto yourself and others. Even innocent bystanders like children will be the victims - and these traumatic events can take a lifetime to be undone.

If you refrain from harbouring vengeful thoughts, you're doing yourself and others a favour. Resentment is like fire and it can build into a storm. It can turn into an irrational attack on another human being, leaving deep emotional scars on all those involved at the time. Ask yourself: what sort of person do you really want to be? Make the decision to be the person you really want to be right now. Don't do it later. If you're willing to let go of anger, you can do it.

Do you want to be loving, caring, and have a good life with good relationships? Do you want to be healthy and stress-free, so you don't have to turn to addictions to cover up your discomfort? Become aware of how you've been reacting so far to your environment and to other people. Be mindful of negative emotions. Experience them if you wish to, but release them straight away, without dwelling on them. Say "sorry" often and if you make a mistake, rectify it on the spot.

In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I will teach you how to plan tricky situations in advance. I will show you how to pre-pave your circumstances and prepare yourself emotionally, so you'll never be caught unawares. Preparation is the key to success, and it's the key to keeping your anger under control. After a while, you won't even feel angry any more, as you will be able to analyse the situation and use detachment to prevent yourself from being drawn into the harmful cycle of arguments and counter arguments.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Desert Snow" by Katie Hark

Willpower is Mind Rehearsal

"Brittany comes to game mentally prepared to win the game. That's the highest compliment I can give her. She's more focused on winning the game... Every shift, every game... And our team can feed off that." - Bob Reid.

In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I highlight the fact that it's important to rehearse in your mind and prepare yourself mentally before you start a new project or embark on a new journey. Never underestimate the power of your imagination to help you achieve your goal.

A top athlete won't envision going to a competition and performing badly. She won't picture herself slipping, stumbling, falling over, pulling a muscle or breaking a bone... She will see herself achieving what she sets out to do and even more: improving her time, breaking a record, and reaching breathtaking heights of success. Doubting herself or worrying that anything could go wrong doesn't even enter her mind. She won't allow anything but sheer perfection to be part of her inner world. The outer world becomes a direct reflection of what's taking place inside, the excitement, the triumph, the glory...

Why not adopt this positive attitude in every day life? Why not decide to imitate the athlete and picture every situation in your mind as being absolutely in harmony with your wishes? Before you go somewhere or begin a new task, imagine yourself making all the right choices, doing all the right moves, meeting all the right people. You can visualise clement circumstances, helpful co-workers,
pleasant surroundings, and everything flowing easily. You can choose to do this, rather than worrying that things may go wrong and that a disaster may be imminent.

Practice makes perfect and what you rehearse mentally is likely to become your new reality. If you focus on accident, disease, crisis and disaster, you'll invite these events into your life. But if you concentrate on beneficial outcomes, you'll make room for these. You can write the script for your life, every hour, every minute, every second... If you attribute what happens to good or bad luck, you end up feeling powerless. It's time to turn around your destiny, by visualising what you want to achieve, with the power of your imagination.

Paint a bright picture ahead of every situation, instead of a grim one. Concentrate on the advantages of your present situation. Tell a good story about your life, even if it doesn't seem that way to you at the moment. For instance, instead of saying: "My child is very naughty and never listens to me", you could say: "My child might be boisterous at times, but she's a good kid and I can channel her energy in the right direction." You can picture yourself giving her the guidance she needs to function happily in this world.

You're not lying to yourself when you describe your reality in favourable terms. You're just looking at it from a different perspective, and this will help you develop a more constructive approach to the difficulties you encounter. Mind rehearsal is all about being prepared, in a positive way. You have a beautiful scenario in your mind, and this is how you'll help yourself in the best possible way to achieve your goal.

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Trunk of Burgeoning Oak" by Isaac Levitan, 1882, Russian Federation

Expect Good Things to Happen to You!

"Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realise the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits." - Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance, a Daybook of Comfort and Joy

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-control." - 2 Timothy 1:7

Some people live by the motto:"don't expect anything, and you won't be disappointed." They carry around a subdued pessimism and avoid looking at the bright side, just in case a shadow could hide the ray of sunshine that's been sent to them. These individuals remain in a neutral state of being, fearing to leave their "comfort" zone, even when it becomes uncomfortable. Deep down they expect the worst and can't imagine that there will be a happy ending to their troubles...

To expect bad things is counterproductive. Imagining trouble is almost the equivalent of asking for it. By putting out these negative thoughts, you will attract these events to you instead of repelling them. If you focus on disappointment and defeat, this is what you will mostly experience. Sometimes good things even happen to miserable people of course, but they don't want to take responsibility for it and quickly attribute it to "luck", something they believe they have no control over.

Foreboding causes you to be anxious and distressed, unable to function, and unable to enjoy the present moment as you project negative scenarios into the future. The next disaster is just around the corner, and you think you need to be "ready", just in case. but even if something bad did happen to you, you'd be rather ill-prepared and less likely to cope with the challenge by being fearful about it. To the believer, faith is the opposite of fear, and it means putting yourself in the hands of your Creator, and allowing Him to walk with you.

Projecting positive outcomes into the future and focusing on the idea that things will always work out for the best, you will attract good things to you, because this is what you expect. An expectation is almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I go over this concept in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". If you expect your children to fail in school, then it will most probably happen. But if you know that your children can overcome any difficulties and get an education despite many obstacles, you will teach them to trust in their innate abilities. No one needs to miss out on being successful, and one true measure of success is how peaceful and contented you are, and how you look forward to what is to come...

You can be an optimist by choosing your reality and this begins in the mind. Imagination gives you power if you use it to paint a sunny picture of the future. Of course the sky isn't always blue, and the sun isn't always shining, but doesn't every cloud have a silver lining? And isn't it better to have "false" hope than to have no hope at all?

with much love,

Bella

Photo:"Old Farm House in the Dordogne, France" by Marianne Coste-Ducreux