How to Stop Having Regrets

"One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different." - Lemony Snicket.

Maybe there is something about your past that gives you shame, and that you don't want to tell anyone. You can't forgive yourself for this, and just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it's something you did to someone else, or maybe you did it to yourself. 

You could also have regrets for lost opportunities. You torture yourself, repeating to yourself: "I should have done this, or I should have done that..." But it's too late now. Unfortunately, you can't you can't go back in time.

Guilt is a useless emotion, because it does nothing for you, except keeping you trapped in an endless cycle of guilt,  shame, regret, punishment and low self-esteem. It's time to break your shackles and live your life without looking back. Accept yourself as you are now. Everything you did is a part of you, but it's not what keeps you going today. What keeps you going is what you think from moment to moment, and the decisions you make as a result.

Acknowledge your mistakes without fear. Talk to yourself, talk to someone else like a trusted friend or a counsellor. You mistakes seem unforgivable to you, but someone else may have more empathy for you. We are our own harshest judges! "I can never forgive myself for this" is an attitude that won't set you free, but keep you chained to the past. I you can't forgive yourself, you'll remain stuck in a destructive cycle and repeat the regretful actions over and over, instead of breaking free from them.

Put your mistakes into perspective. Maybe you did something terrible, but why did you do it? What were your circumstances? For instance, maybe you took drugs or were promiscuous because you felt lonely and depressed, and wanted to fit in. Maybe it was the only way you had to cope with difficult circumstances. It's not about finding excuses, but about putting your behaviour into context. Maybe you did the best you could at the time with the tools and knowledge you had. 

Learn and grow from what you did instead of berating yourself. Guilt is toxic to your self esteem, and peace and happiness will elude you if you keep holding yourself in contempt. Understand your actions and make a commitment  to act differently from now on. You can't erase your mistakes, but you can make up for them, by learning from them and making amends to the people you hurt or to yourself. 

You can decide to choose serenity over self-condemnation. Do you want to continue suffering or make a decision to be free from the past? Instead of dwelling on your past mistakes, focus on all the opportunities the present has to offer. Beating up on yourself won't improve your life, but making a decision to be put an end to regrets and to be happy will.

"Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets." - Henry A. Kissinger.

With all my love,

Bella

Focus on the Positive

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Cicero

Maybe it's a habit for you to have an inner conversation about the things that go wrong in your life. "Oh no, not again... Why is this happening to me? Why me? Why can't I be lucky for a change?"
You may spend a lot of time judging yourself and others: "I shouldn't have done this or that... I'm such an idiot... If only I'd known... This person is so rude and annoying... She's so selfish... He's so arrogant... These people are not doing their job properly..." And so on... Your thoughts continue to run along these lines... Including what you say to yourself about your financial situation: "There's never enough money... When am I going to have more money? Prices are going up all the time... How am I going to afford this? Why do I have to pay so much for this?"

Today you can decide to clear your head of this endless chatter which is not beneficial for you. Instead, you can begin to focus on the good things in your life. Is there anything that's going well for you? It could be your health, your job, your family, your friends, your car, your neighbourhood, your leisure activities... It could be your cat, your dog or even your goldfish. It could be your boss who hasn't criticised you for the last couple of weeks. It could be having a roof over your head and food on the table. It could be as simple as being alive, even if you have nothing else. There is a lot to be grateful for if you really think about it!

Instead of focusing on the negative, you can change your thoughts and begin to like your circumstances and the people around you, rather than rejecting them and fighting against them. No human being is perfect, but as you accept other people's imperfections, while highlighting their qualities, you'll start seeing them in a different light. You'll become more lenient and have less expectations. Human beings are fallible, prone to mistakes, and likely to hurt others, often unintentionally. Others say or do things you don't like, and you can't change them. But you can set boundaries, by not allowing them to intrude into your privacy and interfere with your life and your choices. You give them the right to be themselves, while kindly asking them to do the same for us. This is the true meaning of respect.

You can allow things to affect you and become angry or upset. Or you can choose to maintain an inner peace, an inner sanctuary that nothing can disturb. Temporary frustration is not much compared to inner harmony and stability, a core strength within your self - the intention to see everything in a positive light, no matter what... If you're feeling low, you can look outside the window and reflect on the scenery: the sky, the clouds, the wind blowing the trees around... A single flower, an intricate spider web, a rainbow in a puddle of water, children playing, birds twittering... Beauty and serenity are always available if you seek them out, and you can appreciate them at any time.

As soon as a negative, judgemental thought enters your mind, replace it with a positive, uplifting one. Cling to it and don't let worry or anxiety take over your blissful inner landscape. Trust that all is well, and will continue to be that way, no matter what's happening around you. Don't project crisis and disaster into the future, but expect outcomes to be in your favour. Appreciate what you've got now, and you will attract more of it into your life!

With much love,
Bella

Painting: "Field Flowers" by Nicolae Tonitza (1886 - 1940), Romania, post-impressionism