Tune into Your Body

It's amazing how preoccupied we can be with our body, while at the same time, being out of touch with it. This obsession is mostly about looks and it usually focuses on the negative aspects of our body, rather than the positive ones. 

When you grew up, you were probably insecure and as you compared yourself to others who in your opinion, were better looking and therefore deserving of more admiration and respect. As you became older and more mature, you stopped comparing yourself to others, but this basic insecurity remained with you. Most adults feel that there are too fat, too short, too tall, too ugly, as if there was some model of perfection they need to measure up to. Magazines emphasise this concept as they project an ideal that is out of reach for the average human. 

It's time to love your body, this marvellous machine, and accepting it as it is, instead of wishing it were different. Your body can walk, sit down and reach for things. It can run, jump and climb. It knows how to digest food and makes your heart beat without your intervention. It will even breathe for you, without you having to do it consciously. Your body can feel things and taste food and experience all sort of sensations. You may take it for granted until something happens to it, and you lose any of these abilities due to an accident or illness. Then you yearn for them and wish you could have them back and be like you were before. Imagine what it would be like if you were paralysed, wheelchair bound and at the mercy of other people's kindness and assistance. This is a quick way to stop being complacent.

An effective exercise to get in touch with your body and tune into is the 'body scan'. You can do it while comfortably seated or lying down. It consists in relaxing your muscles one by one while travelling through your body, beginning with your feet and ending at the top of your head. Begin with the toes of your left foot, then move up your leg to your pelvis, and start again with your foot and leg. Consciously breathe in and out. While you're breathing out, imagine tension and toxins leaving your body. Once you reach the pelvis again, move to your abdomen, lower back, chest and upper back. Then to your arms one by one, starting with your fingertips. Next your shoulders and your neck, then your face, the back of your head and finally the top of your head. Imagine a whole on top of your head: you're breathing through it as if it were a blowhole. Visualise your breath flowing from your feet to the top of your head, while entering every region of your body and relaxing, rejuvenating them. 

Do this body scan every day if you can, or whenever you have a few minutes to yourself. Notice how your body feels different every time you're doing it, and how your aches and pains begin to disappear. When you do this regularly, you will feel your body relaxing and becoming your friend, your ally, instead of your enemy. You will develop appreciation and respect for everything it can do, and how well it serves you. You've ignored your body so far, but now you're paying attention to it, and you feel a new sense of empowerment that comes from knowing your body and being in tune with it.

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Relaxing on the Beach" by Robert Anderson.

Express Your Anger Constructively

Anger is a natural emotion, and suppressing it is not always a good idea. It is much better to recognise it and use it to your advantage, rather than ignoring or denying it. Rightful anger can even be beneficial. Anger is a message: it tells you that there is something wrong, for instance, there might be an injustice like someone being bullied. Or there might be something that's not working in your life.

Sometimes anger is justified, like when someone is hurting you or your loved one, or even an innocent stranger. Allow the wave of anger to rise and subside and listen to what is underneath. Anger can be an expression of emotional pain, which has different origins, such as insecurity, jealousy, embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety or just a general discomfort due to exhaustion, thirst, hunger or a need to be in soothing environment, doing something meaningful. Sometimes anger is close to fear as you're scared you might not obtain what you want, or that things might be taken away from you.

Anger may be a catalyst for change. It may work as a trigger towards making a decision, like making efforts to move from a place where it hurts to a more favourable position. Anger can give you the incentive and energy to turn your life around! This kind of anger is productive and helpful.

But anger can have a negative impact if it hurst you or others. In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I encourage you to reflect on your anger and become aware of it, so you can let go of it and master your reactions. While it is good to express your feelings, you need to do it in a calm and mature way, without accusing the other person. Just tell them how you feel and why. 

Anger becomes a problem when it spirals out of control. Extreme angry outbursts may go hand in hand with verbal and/or physical abuse. When anger takes possession of you, it's time to do something about it. Figure out what triggers it, what emotions are attached to it. What do you fear? What hurts you the most? It could be your spouse ignoring you, giving you the "cold shoulder" or your teenage kids leaving the kitchen in a mess. Anger is often due to frustration, when you don't get what you want, or when people don't behave the way you expect them to.

When overcome with fury, detach yourself from the situation and become an observer. Monitor what's going on inside of you. Instead of reacting, you can choose to freeze, which means not doing anything. You can leave the room and even the house for a short while. This allows you to cool down and to recognise that there is no need to lose your temper. Whatever it is, you can talk it over reasonably, when everyone has come to their senses. There are better alternatives to an angry outburst, and you don't want to regret what you've said or done later on.

Instead of waiting to explode, prepare yourself. Practice in your mind what you will do next time you're confronted with a situation that is likely to provoke your rage. Rehearse what you will say and do, instead of being taken by surprise. Remember what happened last time when you lost your temper! Remember how you reacted, how your heart beat faster, how hot and tense you felt. Remember the hurtful things you blurted out, and decide on a better course of action. Imagine yourself taking a deep breath and carefully choosing your words. Imagine yourself stopping and thinking and observing the situation from a distance. Within no time, the tornado will dissipate and serenity will return to your mind and body.

With all my love,

Bella

"Volcano": abstract finger painting by George Hunter, contemporary English self-taught artist. 

Willpower is Inner Mastery

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you." - Brian Tracy

"All the days of the afflicted are bad but a cheerful heart has a continual feast." - Proverb 15:15

Your circumstances do not define you; it's the way you react to them that reflects who you are. You can decide to be cheerful at heart, or you can decide to feel miserable and downtrodden. You can choose to play an active role in your destiny. How? By selecting your thoughts - and ultimately, your emotions.

You're not at the mercy of your feelings, like a helpless prisoner, but you are the active participant in the inner turmoil that seems to overwhelm you at times. You can allow chaos to take over, or you can create order and harmony, by looking at the big picture, and refusing to become discouraged.

The more you dwell on a problem, the bigger it becomes, and the more helpless you feel. The problem itself doesn't cause your frustration; it's the fact that you keep worrying and obsessing about it. Put your problem aside for a while, and just concentrate on the present moment, finding pleasure in what's happening now, rather than being stuck in the past or the future. While you take your mind off a question, your subconscious will keep working on it, without you having to do anything about it. The answer will usually come to you when you expect it the least.

"A cheerful heart has a continuous feast", because no matter what's happening, you won't be affected by it, at least not in a way that will throw you off balance. Inner joy is mastery, and it is up to you to cultivate it. Negative thoughts tend to pop up in your mind in the absence of anything else. In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I explain that the mind abhors a vacuum, and the trick is to fill it with positive thoughts, leaving no room for anything else. Darkness is just the absence of light: there is no dark switch when you enter a room.

You can shine a light on your thoughts and guide yourself with empowering statements, like "I can do this." Without being in denial about your problems, you can focus on what is good in your life, on all the areas in which you're doing well. Congratulate yourself for your achievements, even though they may seem small. The smallest progress or improvement can be an opportunity to rejoice. Without any hurdles, you wouldn't learn and you wouldn't grow as a human being.  In the end you can allow obstacles to drag you down, or you can allow them to lift you up.

With love,

Bella

Painting: "The Old Bridge" by Guy Rose, 1910, France

Being an Optimist

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present." - Rabindranath Tagore

How you look at things defines you as a pessimist or an optimist. The pessimist doesn't believe in happy endings; he or she believes that they are doomed to be miserable, and that nothing good will ever happen to them. Some pessimists become depressed and turn to substance abuse to blot out painful feelings. They usually don't experience much success and tend to blame others for their problems. The optimist is the opposite: he or she believes that things will work out eventually, and that it is possible to be happy, no matter how grim things are looking at the moment. The optimist takes responsibility for his or her life and doesn't waste time looking for scapegoats. 

So why is it better to be an optimist? Aren't you kidding yourself when you put on those rosy glasses? It has been proven that optimists live longer, have less stress and suffer less diseases than pessimists. Optimists have stronger immune systems. They are also more successful than pessimists in every area of their lives, whether it be love, finances or simply getting a parking spot in a crowded lot.

Being an optimist is about being adventurous, and approaching every situation without fear and with a positive attitude. It is about trusting yourself and your ability to master any situation one step at a time, no matter how challenging it is. I will show you how to do this in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". Willpower is a direct consequence of the way you look at things - all of a sudden, what seemed impossible becomes a reality, a part of you. You never suspected that you had this potential hidden inside of you! Congratulate yourself for your achievements so far, no matter how big or small they may be, and no matter how great or insignificant they may be in other people's eyes.

Surround yourself with positive, optimistic people and shut out negative influences. An optimist might hear a disparaging remark, but won't take it to heart. He or she believes that human beings are inherently good and trustworthy. Don't be scared of making mistakes, they're part of your learning journey. There is no failure. Everything that happens to you is an opportunity to move forward and to learn new skills, such as patience, endurance and self-discipline.

Pain is only temporary, while optimism is an eternal gift. Once you've adopted this attitude, your life will inevitably improve, because of the way you perceive people, situations and events. Being an optimist is a way of life, and it's probably the best and most rewarding of all.

Have a nice day with lots of positive thoughts!

Bella

Painting: "Landscape by Moonlight" by Jan Sluyters, 1911