1) Live in the present: this is your point of power. There is nothing else. Relax into this moment: feel it, see it, hear it, smell it, taste it. Take a few deep breaths and do it consciously. Your breath is the most important thing in your life; more important than money, more important than possessions. The average person can only survive three minutes without breathing!
2) Emotions are thoughts in motion, and this is why they never last very long. They come and go, like a wind blowing and rustling the leaves of a tree. Sometimes they stay for a bit longer, but you can always encourage them to move on. As soon as you replace a negative thought with a more positive one, your emotion begins to shift. When a thought comes into your head and grabs your attention, you react to it with emotion. It can be joyful, but most of the time it is painful. You feel frightened and you begin to worry: what if I get sick, what if my child has an accident, what if I lose my job, what if my wife (or husband) leaves me for someone else? Now your heart is beating faster, sending more blood into your arteries. Your blood pressure goes up. Your throat feels dry and constricted. Maybe you feel pain in your chest area.
3) Worrying happens when you project a negative outcome into the future. You've lost your connection to the present moment, and put your focus on an imaginary instant that you visualise in your brain. You visualise bad things happening to you, and begin to feel terrified. You become restless, ill at ease and want to take action to prevent these awful things from happening, even if you're not sure what sort of actions they should be and whether they would be effective.
Instead of imagining negative things that could happen to your or your loved ones, why not project positive outcomes? Imagine yourself healthy, with a healthy bank account. Imagine your children and loved ones safe and looked after by their guardian angels, wherever they go. Imagine your love life as the most exciting and satisfying thing ever. Appreciate this person who is in your life, and show him or her more love and affection. If you're on your own and maybe looking for someone, imagine what this person would be like and what it would feel like to be together.
4) Continue to focus on your breathing, while observing yourself. Go inside yourself, and see what's there. Don't run away from your feelings. There might be a lot of sadness, guilt, anger and regret. Take a virtual broom and sweep them away! Make room for peace and serenity. Fear comes from your imagination. When you go into the past, you feel guilty. Guilt is a useless emotion, because it won't change anything about what you've done or what you haven't done, but it continues to make your life hell. Get rid of it! Feel good about yourself and your past. It's all a learning experience after all.
When directed to the future, your imagined scenarios create a lot of anxiety. You're making a bad movie, but you can re-write the script, turn it into a happy movie, with fantastic moments and a good ending! After all, this is your life, your journey, and you have the power to change things. You have the power to change the way you feel about events, people, and yourself. You can see the good in them, instead of dwelling on the bad.
5) As soon as you begin to worry, get involved in an activity that demands a certain level of concentration or attention, like reading, drawing, writing, playing a musical instrument, cooking or doing some household chores. This will take your focus away from the worrisome thought. don't put too much pressure on yourself.
Relax into the day and live from one moment to the next, without fretting if you haven't achieved everything you set out to do. You don't need to be super productive all the time! This kind of pressure is enough to make you feel stressed and anxious. If you can, get engaged in a pleasurable activity such as listening to your favourite music or watching a good movie or TV series.
6) Don't fight your fears, because what you resist will persist. Accept these negative thoughts and befriend them. Look at them from a neutral point of view. Some of them do make sense, like being scare of losing your job if you take too much time off work. But being scared won't change anything about it. Accept your fears, and accept where you're at right now. You may have made some bad decisions, but at the time you probably didn't know all the consequences of your actions. You're not always aware of it when you make bad choices. Maybe you married the wrong person, but at the time you were in love with him or her, or you thought you were. Forgive yourself for all your mistakes, and forgive everyone else to. By holding a grudge against them you won't change them. It will only make it harder for you to find serenity.
7) If things get too much and you can't see a way out, talk to someone about your concerns, like a trusted friend or a counsellor. Talking about things that bother you is a great way to lighten your load. You begin to see things in a different light, and the other person might offer suggestions that can be helpful. Just talking is a kind of therapy in itself, even if no one comes up with a solution right away. You will immediately feel a sense of relief, and you'll be more optimistic about the future.
8) Cultivate positive emotions like hope, faith, love, appreciation, gratitude, joy, enthusiasm, etc, while handing over your problems to God or your Higher Power. Trust that everything will be okay in the end.
Make a decision to stop worrying and to stop punishing yourself that way once and for all!
With all my love,
Bella
Painting: "Meditating Seagull at Sunset" by Frank Wuts, 2007
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