The Difference between Tolerance and Acceptance

Tolerating is not the same as accepting. When you're tolerating something, you submit to it in a way, while still resisting or rejecting it. You don't do anything about it now, meaning to do something about it later, when you have the opportunity. You keep it at the back of your mind. You want to retaliate but you know you can't do it at the moment, so you postpone your "revenge".  When you tolerate something, you submit to a reality that you dislike, that you find upsetting. You may accept it consciously, but not unconsciously. You may accept at a practical level that you cannot beat your circumstances, but lurking in your subconscious is the thought, "My time will come..."

This is not acceptance. You're still wrestling; the struggle is going on. It's a temporary reprieve, but underneath the superficial yielding, the tension continues. It's only when the ability to fully accept reaches the subconscious level, when there is no battle any more, no resistance whatsoever, that there is a real sense of relief, a lasting peace. It's only when you relax and let go of whatever is bothering you that you will finally experience true freedom. Why choose a rocky road when you can walk a smooth path, without strain and conflict?

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Autumn Landscape" by Isaac Levitan, 1894

When You get Blamed for Everything

You have only one person's blame to carry, and that is your own. If you get blamed for someone else's problems, you don't have to accept that blame, you don't have to take it to heart. But you don't need to defend yourself either, because it would only lead to senseless arguments. Sometimes people blame you because they need to unload painful emotions onto you. They feel guilty about something, but instead of dealing with this painful feeling, they prefer to turn it into anger and throw accusations at you. How do you react to this kind of attack?  To retaliate with hurtful words is like throwing fuel into a fire. "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"... Unless you allow them to do so.  If you could put yourself in someone else's shoes and feel this person's inner turmoil and remorse, you would think twice before lashing out with vengeful words.

When someone tells you off, it's normal to feel bad. It's not very encouraging to hear criticism. But to react to it in a negative way is even worse. If you know your value as a human being, you won't be affected by someone else's careless words. You won't allow this person to have power over you and your emotions. 

I won't allow anyone to upset me. I am a responsible adult and I can examine my own conscious. If I need to improve in any area I will be aware of it. Therefore, I don't need to accept blame for another person's irrational actions, no matter how convincing this person may sound. I can deal with my own defects in an honest and fearless way. But in the meantime, the balance has to be right. I can't take on the weight of what others have done. When I deal with what is mine, I can let go of another person's blame, as I realise it has nothing to do with me. I am free to live my life without anyone poisoning me...

Love yourself - you deserve it!

Bella

Painting: "While this Beast Drinks Poison, a Snake Sucks His Blood" by Maria Primachenko, 1982

A Joyful Heart in Times of Trouble

"A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken." Proverbs 15:13

"If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!" - Proverbs 24:10

Peace is not a brief moment of elation or relief. It is a long-lasting attitude, a commitment that you will remain positive even in the midst of trouble. Life goes up and down. There are times of abundance, and times of abasement. There is pleasure, and there is pain. A life without problems may seem perfect in your eyes, but is it really? What would you learn if you didn't have to overcome any hurdles? What would you learn if everything was always smooth and easy?

You become annoyed, frustrated, angry, depressed and even desperate at times... You become anxious and worry over things that you cannot change and you feel helpless, powerless. You wish you had more control over your circumstances. You wish you could erase all difficulties from your life. But obstacles make you wiser and more mature. They teach you patience and perseverance. They forge your character and add to your inner strength and fortitude.

You fight, you struggle... There is a war going on inside you, and it will last until you finally abandon your weapons of judgment, contempt, sarcasm and retaliation. Finally, you give in and surrender to your Higher Power. You begin living in harmony with your true self and you become who you're meant to be. You understand that only love is really; everything else is an illusion. You become ready to receive the precious gifts of acceptance and forgiveness... 

Times of trouble may come, but your inner peace doesn't need to be jeopardized. Things may not be running the way you want them. But your heart can remain joyful no matter what, as you know that nothing lasts forever, and that positive change is on its way. After the rain, the sun shines again. After you've battled uphill for what seems an eternity, you can finally enjoy the effortless downhill ride. Now you can just drift along while everything is falling into place.

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Three Pink Flamingos" by Jean Metzinger (1883 - 1956), France

How to Have More Power in Your Life

Power sometimes has a negative connotation as some people believe it's about manipulating others into doing certain things. Yes, power can help you influence others, but not because you're forcing them to follow your point of view. Rather because they want to emulate you as you radiate inner strength and confidence. They want what you've got, but you don't push it onto them.  What is power? It is a positive energy, it is excitement and enthusiasm. The power of persuasion comes from being yourself, as you know who you are and what you want. In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I point out that the first step towards change is to know yourself, to know what's important to you and live your life according to your own values and principles. You are true to your own self and people can sense that you're real and genuine.

True power is the result of taking responsibility for your own life. You stop blaming others and blaming circumstances for whatever you're going through. You make a decision to stop moaning and groaning and complaining. Instead of finding things to criticise, you look for things to be grateful for. You make a decision to take your happiness into your own hands, regardless of what other people are saying or doing. Basically, you stop reacting to everything around you. You might not be the master of your destiny, as a lot of things are our of your control. But you can become the master of your own thoughts, emotions and behaviour, as you're taking your power back into your hands. Willpower is the power of wanting. If you want to change your life, then you have the power to do it. And it is magic because it transforms. It is like spring when everything blossoms. You are ready to give birth to your own new self...

Begin by trusting yourself instead of doubting yourself. Fear stems from the belief that you won't be able to handle certain situations, but if you say to yourself that you can cope with anything, you will be able to do it and you won't be anxious about it any more. You will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. God (or the Universe) never throws anything at you that you can't deal with. But if you have weaknesses (and everyone does), there will be experiences in your life that will help you strengthen these.  In the end, it's to your ultimate benefit that you endure what you have to endure. Something good will come out of it eventually, it's just that you can't see it right now when you're in the middle of it. Don't be a victim of your circumstances, but use them for your growth. Don't blame yourself for making mistakes, but use failure as a stepping stone, a learning opportunity. Look into the future with confidence, as it is not the past that propels you forward, but the hope of good things to come.

With much love,

Bella

Photo by Bella Tindale

How to Disarm Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts create havoc within us, as they produce painful emotions and can even lead to irrational, destructive behaviour. What can we do about these intruders? We have been given many different strategies in our struggle against them.  We have been told to monitor them, and stop them as soon as they pop up. We have been told that any negative thought entering the mind should be treated like a hostile enemy, that we should fight it and disarm it immediately. But this is not always possible. Our thoughts come so fast that it is impossible to monitor them effectively. And our mind is not a fortress surrounded by thick walls. Instead, it is an open space. The more we try to defend it, the more "enemies" seem to seep in... 

A better way to deal with negative thoughts is to avoid treating them like foes. You cannot disarm them by fighting them, as they will just come back even more numerous and stronger. "What you resist will persist". A more gentle and effective approach is to make peace with your negative thoughts. This will take the fear away, the apprehension that wells up as soon as you spot them or even before they arrive. If you're not afraid of something, it ceases to have power over you. As you let go of your fear, your negative thoughts will recede and eventually, they will dwindle away.

It's good to know that we have the ability to create through our thoughts, but it can also be a reason to worry. All this negative stuff I think about, am I going to make it happen? Thoughts with a lot of emotion have more impact, and more creative power than thoughts with little emotion.  But instead of getting panicky, look at the thought with detachment, and don't allow it to stir up feelings within you. It might seem difficult to begin with, but you can do it. Every time the thought comes up, acknowledge it but don't give in to it, don't give it importance, don't invest in it. Don't attempt to suppress it, but don't allow it to grow either. 

Thinking about something negative will not make it come true, especially if you don't want it and you don't believe in it. What you fear the most will never happen. But if you have a negative thought with a lot of emotion, and you allow it to take over your mind, you may also invite trouble into your existence. To overcome this hurdle, look at your thought for what it is: just a thought, nothing more. As for your reaction, your emotion, it is nothing more than a "thought in motion". Mentally stick a label on both thought and emotion and file them away. If the thought comes back, don't worry; it can't harm you any more.

Negative thoughts are just a warning signal, an indication that you need to change something within yourself. Acknowledge them for what they are, without fretting over them. You need to make peace with them to be able to release them, or you'll create a war within yourself. Being at peace with yourself and with others is your ultimate purpose. As soon as you look for enemies, you turn your back on peace and you prepare yourself for battle. But even your foes are your friends as they are your best teachers. Your negative thoughts can teach you a lot about yourself. And it is only by accepting them and appreciating them that you can finally disarm them.

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Light Conquers Darkness" by Nicholas Roerich, 1933 (Wikipaintings)

How to Have More Faith in God

This is not a debate whether God exists or not. These debates usually lead nowhere, just one side trying to convince the other side that they're wrong. Every one of us believes in something, or we wouldn't be able to live. We believe that the sun will rise tomorrow. We may argue that science proves that it will indeed rise, but the fact is that we do believe it and it gives us comfort to know that tomorrow is another day... God is a mystery and it's impossible to explain who He is without getting entangled in our own reasoning. But just because I don't understand something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I don't understand the Internet, but I can't deny that it exists. 

One step up from believing is knowing. I know I can ride a bicycle; I don't need to prove it. There is no doubt about it in my mind. When it comes to faith, it's the same thing. When we know that there is a God, we don't need to prove it - not to ourselves and not to anyone else. It doesn't matter if others don't share our knowledge. We don't need to convince them. Everyone is different and that's okay. When we accept others as they are and don't attempt to change their beliefs, we feel at peace and we can enjoy our own inner world and convictions.

So how can we have more faith? And why do we need faith in the first place? We need it because it makes life easier. When we put our trust in God or a Higher Power, we're not alone any more. We have someone to turn to in times of trouble. Why do you need a boss? Because if you encounter a difficult problem, a superior is a good person to consult, to get advice and guidance from. A good boss puts teamwork before anything else. God is the same. He wants us to work as a team with Him. To do this, we make a decision to turn our life over to Him. We realise that we can't do it on our own and we surrender. That doesn't mean we give up, on the contrary. We become proactive in our partnership with God. 

To increase your faith, just spend time with God, like you would with a good friend. Don't be afraid to talk to Him and ask Him questions. Submit your requests in the form of prayers. Then you wait for His answers. These will often come to you during quiet times, while enjoying a nature walk, listening to music or meditating. 

Meditation is not difficult or complicated. In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I describe it as a very simple process. All you need to do is make yourself comfortable, focus on your breathing and if your mind begins to wander, you let go of your thoughts and put your focus back on your breathing. You do this for 5 -15 minutes every day and you will see a great improvement in the way you handle stress and your life in general.

If you have an open mind, faith will come to you easily. The secret is to give it a go. You have nothing to lose, everything to gain. Faith will make you accomplish a lot more in your life than you've ever dared to dream.  Nothing will be out of reach any more. Miracles and magic will become a natural part of your experience, as you allow them to touch you and those around you. "Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." - Matthew 17:20 

Before you go to sleep tonight or when you wake up in the morning, ask God to be with you at all times. Put all your trust in Him and hand all your problems over to Him. Be confident that He will be there for you. No matter how great your difficulties, there is help out there and it is very easy to access. All you need is a willingness to do it, and a Power beyond anything you can imagine will assist you and direct you on an exciting and rewarding life journey. You will have new hope in your heart and a new purpose.

Thank you for reading this. With love,

Bella

Painting: "Two White Butterflies" by Vincent van Gogh, 1889 (Wikipaintings)

How to Deal with Anger

Anger is not a disease. Anger is energy. It's a natural and healthy expression of an emotional reaction to a situation. It often leads to actions that promote a sense of relief. A physical outlet is appropriate as long as no one gets hurt (for instance, it's good to exercise when you feel upset as it calms you down and helps you think more clearly). Anger can help you defend yourself or your loved ones if you are threatened or attacked. It is also a normal reaction when you witness an injustice (for instance, a big bully beating up on a smaller, weaker person). Just like pain or fear, anger is a danger signal, an alarm bell. It's a warning sign that something is not right.

Anger in itself is not bad; it's a self-preservation mechanism. It only becomes problematic when it is inappropriate, misdirected or exaggerated. The individual who is angry - seemingly without reason - is often angry with himself, so he finds all kinds of things to find fault with in his environment or in the people around him. Anger then is like a chronic condition and causes a lot of pain to this person and his loved ones. Anger can be the expression of an unmet need - and in this case it's useful to find out what is underneath the outburst. When anger takes over and takes control of the individual, it's already too late because reasoning has no impact on that person any more.

Inappropriate anger can lead to violence, not just in the physical sense - emotional abuse is just as harmful as hitting someone. There might not be as much evidence, but the scars are just as deep. What may cause violence is a feeling of powerlessness, of being overwhelmed by too many demands. In the past, women and men had strictly defined roles in society. The man was the breadwinner, and the woman looked after the children and the home. Nowadays these roles are not so well defined, and the lines are blurred between what should be a man's or a woman's responsibility. This is stressful - especially for a man who might be scared of not being able to meet societies expectations. Today it is unrealistic to survive on a single wage, and this means that both men and women have multiple roles. A man fears losing respect by not being able to provide for his family - he may also fear not being "manly" enough. He may fear losing face, being put down or humiliated. His need for admiration and respect is very strong, while a woman's need for unconditional love and appreciation is just as prevailing.

At the root of anger is our fear of being helpless, of being exposed and ridiculed, of not being acknowledged and appreciated, of not being good enough, of not being able to measure up, of being ignored, neglected or unloved. We are scared of not getting what we want or losing what we've got. We fear not having any control over a person or a situation. Anger is a step up from depression and despair, as it gives us a sense of relief. So it can be beneficial for a depressed person to express anger, as long as it is part of the overall process of moving towards a more functional life.

What can we do to prevent anger or to defuse it? In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I explain that we need to look inside and analyse our emotions. We need to become aware of our thought processes and acknowledge them without acting on them. We need to take control of our anger instead of allowing it to control us. When you become a conscious observer of your own self, you will be less likely to be at the mercy of your emotions and behaviour. You will also be less likely to react to someone else's anger. Reacting to anger with anger only makes it worse. But to react to it with understanding and kindness will put a stop to it. Avoid heated discussions. If you need to have a serious talk, do it when you're calm and open to what the other person is saying.

Anger is not a problem in itself, but the way you handle it can be detrimental to yourself and to others. The more you give in to it, the more it will become a destructive habit as you fall into its trap over and over again. It will become an entity of its own, and will grow stronger every time you face a certain situation or every time you have an argument. But if you don't feed it and don't allow it to grow and to have power over you, it will weaken its hold and eventually, you will find that you won't get angry any more, at least not in the sense of losing your temper and losing control over your words and actions.

If you want to change the way you handle anger, feel it but don't react to it. Begin today and you will see a big improvement in your life.

With all my love,

Bella

 Painting; "The Ninth Wave" by Ivan Aivazovsky, 1850 (Wikipaintings)

How to Cope with Fear

"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape it." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

You know who you are, what you want and what's important to you. You are ready to make decisions and to put them into action. Thinking about something and wanting it is the first step towards change, but it's not enough. What stops you from actually doing it? Fear is the only obstacle to overcome. Fear is the product of negative thinking, of believing that you can't make it, that you're not good enough or that you don't deserve it. It boils down to a lack of trust in yourself, the belief that you can't handle certain situations and therefore they appear frightening to you. 

Fear is an illusion, a trick of the mind. If you trust you can cope with whatever the Universe dishes out to you, your apprehension will diminish, even though it may never disappear completely. Every time you embark on a new journey, you will feel a bit nervous, and this is normal. You don't need to wait to be free of fear to begin moving in the direction of your dream. 

In my book "The Magic of Willpower," I explain that fear can be excitement in disguise. Eagerness, passion and enthusiasm are often mistaken for apprehension because they are unsettling. You're leaving your comfort zone to achieve something new, something you've never done before. You're treading uncharted waters and that alone can give you butterflies. But rather than trying to run away from the fear, just acknowledge it and embrace it. Don't let it stop you from doing what you want. The secret is to go ahead in spite of  it, and this is the true meaning of courage.

What propels you into action? It's hope: your vision of a positive outcome. Hope is the most powerful motivator. But in order to hope for something, you need to have a picture of it in your mind. Work on this picture and polish it up, go back to it every time you feel your determination weaken. "Imagination is more important than knowledge" said Einstein. So get your imagination going. Paint the desired end result in your mind and take the plunge.

I know you can do it!

Bella

Photo by Bella Tindale

How to Pray Effectively

Painting: "Virgin and Child under the Apple Tree" by Lucas Cranach the Elder, 1530 (Wikipaintings)


"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." - Luke 11:9

"So do not be like them, for your Father knows what you want before you ask Him." - Matthew 7:7

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" - 1 Thessalonians 5:8 

We don't always know what is best for us. Sometimes we are so confused we don't even know what we want. Our vision is clouded by our current situation and we don't always have an objective view of it. We don't know what the outcome will be, what God's plan is for us. But when we have a weakness, He gives us the opportunity to strengthen it - so whatever happens to us is for our ultimate good. 

It takes courage to face our lives, and bravery can only exist where there is fear. For instance, I might be afraid to speak in public. If I take a sedative, this may calm my nerves, but until I confront my fear and practice speaking in front of an audience, I won't have the opportunity to overcome this weakness. 

If you look at the quotes above, you will see that there are three different components to effective prayer. The first one is to ask. "If you don't ask, you don't get" said Mahatma Gandhi and it's what I've always been telling my kids. Formulate your request clearly and in a positive way. For instance, instead of saying, "Please take my sickness away," say "Please heal me" or "Please give me good health". Instead of saying, "Please, I don't want to be poor any more", say "Please allow me to have enough money to look after my family." It's good to be as precise as possible about what you want. I once needed a certain sum to pay off a big bill. So I asked God if He would please give it to me. Three months later the exact amount was in my bank account!

The second aspect is that God already knows what we want. But He also knows what we need, and this is why prayers may not always be answered, or at least not in the way we expect it. We don't have God's wisdom, so we need to be humble and patient when we pray. No matter what situation you're in, it's always helpful to pray for guidance: "Please God, show me what to do and how to do it." He will consistently answer your prayers for guidance. Just hand your problem over to Him. Forget about it, go about your daily activities and suddenly, His reply will be there, as an idea pops into your head, or as you read a sentence or hear something another person says. Just open your eyes and listen.

The third aspect is gratitude. Gratitude is like a magic wand. Everything you're thankful for in your life will increase dramatically. Even if you have nothing - you still have the precious gift of life. Say "Thank you God" as many times as possible throughout the day, even if you're going through a rough patch at the moment. Give thanks in all circumstances, good or bad, and you will open yourself to the wonderful world of miracles.

Question: - Do I have to believe in God to pray effectively?
Answer:   - It helps to believe in God or a Higher Power, but it's not absolutely necessary. "Fake it till you make it" :just give it a go and see what happens... And as you notice all the good things happening in response to your prayers, your faith will naturally grow in spite of you.

Bye for now and God bless,

Bella

What is Freedom?

Freedom is one of the things you desire the most in life. If someone asked you what freedom is, you would probably say, "Well of course, freedom is doing what I want." But you need to figure out what you want first, before you can think about obtaining it. If you had all your prayers answered right now, would it make you happier? Or would you have more problems? For instance, you may want a lot of money. You've even figured out how you would spend it. But once you have it, it doesn't give you the satisfaction you expected from it. You life still feels empty and purposeless. You may want power, but "with great power comes great responsibility".

Freedom is not about getting everything you want. It's not about removing obstacles that are in your way. It's not about changing your circumstances. It's not about moving around in the world without boundaries or restrictions. Freedom is a lot more than that. Freedom is the ability to choose. It's the ability to decide every minute of your life what you're going to do next. And to be able to do this in accordance with who you truly are. If you know yourself and know what you really want, you will find it easy to make decisions that are in harmony with your true self. In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I say: "No day is wasted if you live it according to your own values and principles." If you commit yourself to a way of life that you've chosen, you will be content within yourself, even though it might not always be a bed of roses...

A commitment might look like the absence of freedom. But you give up certain things to gain something else, something bigger and more meaningful. This is what happens in a marriage, when two people commit themselves to each other. You shut the oven door and then you cook... But this is a choice that comes from the heart. Like following God or dedicating yourself to a cause that you're passionate about. Commitment looks a lot like bondage but it is the ultimate freedom.

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Seagulls in the Boat" by Maria Primachenko, 1965 (Wikipaintings)

Faith in the Divine

Sometimes you wonder why life seems so unfair. So many things happen that are unjustified. So much grief and so much hardship. Surely, a Divine Being wouldn't allow this! You long for more fairness, but who creates the inequities? It's easy to blame others and even God for things you don't like in your life. However, to bear resentment against the Universe won't bring more balance to it. Strive for harmony instead, to create a better world for yourself and others. You can start by making the most out of what you have now.

The Divine is intelligent and fundamentally good, even though it doesn't always seem like that to you. You can focus on the bad things that are constantly highlighted by the media... Or you can look for the good things, like people sacrificing their lives for others, giving freely of their money, efforts, time and love, just for the sake of helping others. In India, a prominent plastic surgeon performed over 250 operations for free, to give children with facial deformities a normal appearance and a better chance in life. You could see the happiness on this doctor's face as he put a mirror in front of a little girl that he'd transformed from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan...

Life is not a series of random, meaningless events. It is a whole that follows comprehensible laws at it unfolds. Everything happens for your ultimate good. When you look back on your past, you can make sense of things that you couldn't understand while they were happening to you. As for the future, your expectations play a big role. If you expect justice, kindness and compassion, these will reveal themselves to you increasingly in what you're doing or experiencing. Make it your goal to steer your life in accordance with this wonderful Divine Order. Avoid trying to control people or events. Instead, accept them with the grace and intelligence that comes from knowing that there is a Higher Purpose. Once you align your intentions and actions with the Divine, you won't feel helpless, confused and frustrated any more. You will feel at peace, and you will reap the gift of feeling secure within your faith.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Evening, Knostrop Old Hall" by John Atkinson, 1870 (Wikipaintings)

Bring Out Your Full Potential

"If you can dream it, you can do it." - Walt Disney

Your beliefs about yourself are often static and don't seem to evolve much over time. You think you know what you can and what you can't do. These assumptions mainly come from your childhood. Someone made a negative comment about your talent for sports, music or art - and you took it to heart. 

"If my teacher says I'm not good at it, why bother trying?" You stopped believing in yourself, in your strengths, skills and abilities. Whatever it was you wanted to do, you never gave it another go. You put the idea out of your mind. But within yourself remained a secret longing for a kind of fulfillment that was denied to you.

We dream of being actors, artists, sports heroes, writers, musicians or film makers. Of course, some people are genetically better endowed to pursue certain dreams. They have natural abilities that others can only wish for, like Cristiano Ronaldo for soccer. But these people have also worked very hard to be where they are, and they had the courage to believe in themselves. 

Just because you weren't born to be another Mozart or Van Gogh doesn't mean you should remain where you are, without daring to change and grow and do something new. Just because you're not a genius doesn't mean you can't actualise your creative side and widen your horizon.

Why not look inside and uncover your hidden treasure. Find a pursuit that appeals to you, something that makes your heart leap. Write that short story that you buried deep inside yourself, with the excuse, "It won't get published anyway..." Does it matter? What about personal satisfaction? The ecstatic feeling of completing something with a beginning, a middle and an end? "But I don't have any ideas..."

You won't be inspired until you become involved in something. Ideas will pop into your head while you're jotting down sentences ad lib. It's your freedom of expression. There will be no English teacher behind you scolding you for using slang or bad grammar.

Get an easel, a canvas, paintbrushes and oil paints. Go to a forest, river, park or simply look out your window. Look at the sky. Paint what you feel inside. Allow your emotions to dictate shapes and colors. Be wild and adventurous and don't hold back.

Go to the attic and find that old violin you played as a youngster. Take it out of its case and dust it. Pick up the bow and begin to play. It may sound rusty at first - but what a pleasure to catch up with an old friend you've neglected for so long!

The possibilities are endless, and you will shine if you allow yourself to do so. You have desires that have been laying dormant for years within your heart. Picture yourself taking up this hobby or craft again, and being successful at it in your own eyes. Don't worry about other people. They tend to be a bit jealous when you want to do something different, something rewarding for yourself. They might even attempt to sabotage your efforts at first. But once your passion has taken off, nothing will stop you...

With much love and the knowledge that you can do it - if you can dream it!

Bella

Painting: "Snow Maiden" by Nicholas Roerich, 1947 (Wikipaintings)

Patience and Tolerance

Painting: "Summertime" by Mary Cassatt, 1894

"We cannot learn real patience and tolerance from a guru or a friend. They can be practiced only when we come in contact with someone who creates unpleasant experiences. According to Shantideva, enemies are really good for us as we can learn a lot from them and build our inner strength." - Dalai Lama

I find it hard to believe that enemies can actually be good for me. But without people doing things I disapprove of, or saying things that I may find hurtful, there wouldn't be any opportunities to progress along a spiritual path... No one is exactly how I would like them to be in an ideal world. My partner, my children, my parents, my coworker sometimes act and react in ways that can be annoying and frustrating. But this is my interpretation of their words and actions. They have their own problems, their own agenda, their own reasons to do things in a way that might not always please me.

"A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire." It is a natural, instinctive impulse to retaliate to an offensive action or remark. But unfortunately, this will only make things worse. Instead, why not meet the attack with a calm and gentle attitude. Of course you can't allow people to walk all over you, but the way you say things is very important. Rather than being swayed by negative emotions, you can choose to keep your cool and respond with dignity and even kindness. It is also a good idea to postpone a discussion if it threatens to get out of hand and become too heated.

With patience, you can endure situations that seem unbearable, while maintaining a positive, cheerful attitude, with  hope in your heart. With tolerance, you can settle differences in a mature and constructive way, defusing conflict instead of contributing to it. Accepting others as they are is the key, as you can't change them; you can only change yourself. 

With all my love,

Bella