Don't Hate Yourself Because You're Overweight or Obese

"If someone in your life talked to you like you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago." - Carla Gordon

There is a contempt for fat in society, while skinny people seem to get all the attention, as well as more smiles, more lovers and more job opportunities. As a result, many people who struggle with weight issues begin to despise themselves. Instead of acknowledging their beauty, they focus on how shallow society views them, and incorporate that hateful picture into their self image.

We all have things about our appearance we wish we could change, but if you're overweight, this feeling of dissatisfaction can become extreme. You end up being angry at yourself and loathing your body. Inside your head, a little voice whispers to you: 'You're not good enough', when in reality, you are a beautiful person with a good heart, a wonderful personality and unique talents. There is nothing wrong with you! People come in all shapes and sizes, and beauty always transcends outward appearance.

It is horrifying that in today's society, being mean to fat people seems to be the norm. 'Fat jokes' have become commonplace, and they imply that it's acceptable to berate those who are heavy. Almost everywhere you look, you see skinny as the ideal, and bad luck to those who don't fit that image of perfection.

Overweight people take notice of the subtle and often not so subtle jabs against them. When you're constantly told that you're not good enough and that you're wrong, you actually start to believe this. Maybe you've had to cope with extra weight for a long time. You're aware of society's negative opinion about your body shape. You often make fat jokes about yourself, just to keep others from hurting you with the same sarcastic words. Basically, you attack yourself before anyone else can do it, as a way to protect yourself. 

Sadly, you may not even be aware of what you're doing to yourself. Every time you make a disparaging comment about yourself, you die a little bit inside. You're scarring your soul, as you're proclaiming that you're ugly and wrong. That is simply not true!

Others can be cruel, but you can be your most nasty critic. The merry-go-round of self-hate that goes through your head can be overwhelming. If you don't believe it, start a diary and log each time you have a negative thought about yourself. You will be shocked at how much you put yourself down. And when others treat you with disrespect, you join in with these bullies: you're worse to yourself in your thoughts.

When you sit down to eat a plate of your favourite food, instead of enjoying it, you berate yourself and call yourself a 'pig' for eating such a treat. You feel guilty and embarrassed, but flogging yourself does nothing for your self-esteem. It only reinforces your negative self-image, and stops you from loving yourself. 

Even though you're overweight or obese, you're okay the way you are. You deserve happiness just like everyone else does. Weight is a tricky subject for you, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to make the most out of your life and enjoy every minute of it. Your life is too short to worry about fitting into a pair of jeans or being a certain size. The truth is that if you don't learn to love yourself, even if you lost weight, you still wouldn't be happy.

It's time to come to terms with who you are and embrace your whole being, body and soul. Never put yourself down again, and reassure yourself that you're fine and that everything will be okay, no matter what. And you are beautiful, no matter what anyone says.

Many people know what it's like to struggle with weight, and they won't judge you. Those who show hate and contempt shouldn't be on your radar. These people are insecure, as they need to put others down in order to build themselves up. The best strategy is to ignore them!

From now on, you have full permission to like yourself. Give yourself the love you deserve. Life is hard, but you deserve to smile and feel good about yourself. No one knows your situation better than you do, and others have no right to judge or belittle you. Enjoy all the delicious foods you eat without guilt - and above all, love yourself.

When this life comes to an end and you cross over, God will not ask you why you didn't lose weight. But He will ask why you didn't love yourself.


With love,

Bella

Painting: 'Lightness of Being' by Volegov

How to Meditate - the Easy Way

"To meditate does not mean to fight with a problem. To meditate means to observe." - Thich Nhat Hanh

There are as many different types of meditation as there are people, but the principle is always the same: to quieten the mind, to slow down your thoughts, and to stop the constant chatter that goes on inside your head. 

This perpetual inner conversation causes anxiety, as it revolves around the past and future. As you go over former events and analyse your mistakes and lost opportunities, you simultaneously project yourself into a future that is full of apprehension. You go round and round in circles and tear yourself apart with guilt, fear, jealousy, insecurity, anger, frustration and unfulfilled desires... Fortunately, meditation helps dissolve this type of stress. 

You don't need much to meditate. Ten to twenty minutes of your time will do, while you sit or lie down comfortably. 

If you want to do a guided meditation, you can use an audio recording, which will take you on a relaxing journey through a soothing place of beauty and harmony, where you can commune with nature. Visualise your surroundings, and incorporate as many senses as possible: soak in the colours, sounds, smells and textures. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm.

If you want to meditate without a recording, progressively relax your muscles and focus on your breathing. If your mind wanders, bring it back to your breath. You can't think about nothing, because the mind can never be totally empty. But you can detach yourself from your thoughts, and decrease the number of thoughts you have. When they crop up, put them on a virtual conveyor belt. Alternatively you could picture yourself on a boat, drifting down a stream and throwing your thoughts into the river. Or you could imagine your thoughts as balloons that you pop one by one.

Focusing on your breath alone might not be enough, as it is easy to become engrossed in your thoughts, while paying attention to the air flowing in and out of your lungs. All you really need to do is to let go of your thoughts and worries. Relax and pick an object around you. While you look at the object, a tennis ball for instance, don't think about the last time you played, how well or badly, or what brand this ball is. Just look at it non-judgmentally, without forming an opinion about it. While doing that, you will feel that you are in the present, and you will have a Eureka moment. You will suddenly understand what meditation is all about!

This awakening will lead you to mindfulness meditation. When you add mindfulness to your life, you become aware of things and stop being on auto-pilot. You live every single moment in full consciousness and embrace life as it is. As you stop and smell the roses, your stress levels diminish. Fear of the future and regrets about the past simply melt away like snow in the sun. 

It takes a bit of practice, of course. But you don't need to fight. You don't need to put much effort into it.  Just let go. Meditation then becomes an integral part of your life: natural, easy, and so so beautiful. 

Don't rush to get there. Meditation is an ongoing process that can last your entire life. To kickstart your practice, do only one thing a day with absolute mindfulness. In can be anything, from chopping vegetables to watching the sun set. Dwell completely in that moment, without getting distracted. Feel everything intensely, every physical sensation, every subtle emotion welling up inside. Breathe in slowly, and smile as you breathe out. Smile at the stillness. And once you've mastered one thing, add another, and another, until your whole life becomes an expression of your true inner self.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Golden Afternoon Meditation" by Laura Iverson

How to Overcome Procrastination

"Time is an equal opportunity employer. Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. Rich people can't buy more hours. Scientists can't invent new minutes. and you can't save time to spend it on another day. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow." - Denis Waitley

The fastest way to get anything done is to get it done. Don't give in to the urge of putting things off because they seem too difficult or challenging, or because you feel overwhelmed and anxious.

Feel the fear and do it anyway! Divide the task ahead into small, manageable steps. For instance, if you want to write a novel, make a commitment to write 500 words a day, no matter what. You can write more, but you need to write at least 500 words, come rain or shine... The first step is the most important, so get started with your task, and trust that the rest will follow.

Inertia was best explained by Sir Isaac Newton in his first law of motion: an object at rest stays at rest, and an object continues in motion until an external force acts on it. Applied to procrastination, this means that if you don't do anything, you will stay put. But if you begin to move, you will continue to move in that direction. Your first action will lead to the next one and so on. 

A ball rolling down a hill will continue to roll, unless friction or another force stops it. Keeping this principle in mind, the best way to get your ball rolling is to begin your task now. Avoid distractions as much as possible, as they will cause 'friction' and interfere with your project.

Take a few minutes to relax. Breathe deeply, have a drink of water. Always remain confident in the knowledge that you are already halfway there, just because you've overcome your tendency to procrastinate, and you've made a start.

"He who has begun his task has half done it." - Horace

With love,

Bella

Painting by Pietro Antonio Rotari: "Young Girl Writing a Love Letter"

Drink at least eight to twelve glasses of water daily

"Water is the driving force of all nature" - Leonardo da Vinci

Drinking eight to twelve glasses of water every day will help cleanse your liver and kidneys and aid with weight loss. Your body needs small and frequent sips of water. Not tea, coffee, milk shakes, juice or soft drinks (sodas) - only plain water. Add a few drops of fresh lemon juice to it if you like, this will further help detoxify your body. 

If you don't drink water, your cells will shrink with dehydration and their membranes will dry out. What do your plants look like if you forget to water them? Tired and wilted. And that's how your body cells look like under the microscope after going without adequate water...

If you drink enough water, you will reduce your chances of chronic degenerative diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease. There is also a higher incidence of Alzheimer's disease in people who don't drink water regularly in sufficient amounts as part of their daily routine.

Make it a priority for yourself to drink water continually throughout the day in small sips. Carry a water bottle with you wherever you go and remind yourself of the importance of this simple, inexpensive way of feeling full, boosting your metabolism and warding off disease.

With love,

Bella

Photo: Blue Waterfall in the Rio Celeste National Park in Costa Rica

Why it's important to get a good night's sleep

Energy and willpower are necessary to work towards your goals, and depend a lot on the quality and quantity of your sleep. When you’re sleep deprived, your brain is impaired and functions less effectively. Your mental processes become distorted and negative. You get easily irritated by what other people do or say. You get frustrated as soon as things don’t go your way. 

Without sufficient sleep, you find it hard to make decisions. Or you make decisions in a rush, without thinking them through properly, and without looking at the consequences. Lack of sleep can turn you either into an insensitive robot or an emotional wreck. At the same time, you tend to become irrational and lose all perspective and common sense.

Getting a good night’s sleep should be your number one priority. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, cigarettes and over-the-counter pharmaceuticals, excepts maybe for natural herbal products. Any chemical you put into your body can affect your sleep pattern. If you’re a night shift worker, be particularly vigilant to get enough sleep during the day, and on your days off. Put all non-urgent tasks on the back burner and explain to your family that your rest and sleep come first.

To stay positive, motivated and focused on what you really want, you need sufficient quality sleep. It is during your sleep that memories become anchored in your subconscious: this is essential for learning and preparing for exams. In your sleep, you often solve problems you couldn’t figure out during the day, as your subconscious keeps working on them, without you having to do anything about it! In your sleep, all your bodily systems get rejuvenated and injected with new energy, this is why you feel so refreshed when you wake up after a good night.

You don’t have to wait to be exhausted to go to bed. Start making yourself comfortable between the sheets at least half an hour to an hour before your actual bedtime. Sleep is a progressive state of deep relaxation. You can initiate the process and feel your eyes getting heavy, while yawning sets in, and slumber eventually takes over.  This is a proactive approach that will have a great impact on the quality of your sleep. Read something inspiring. Take a few minutes to pray or meditate. Go go over the events of the day and look at them from an observer’s point of view, without judging people and events. Be grateful for everything you’ve got, even if it isn’t much. Be grateful that you’re breathing, that you’re in a nice warm bed, that you’ve got a roof over your head. Be grateful for yesterday, today and tomorrow!

Sleep well,

Bella

Painting: "Night Time" by Toni Grote

Listen to your body: don't eat when you're not hungry, and don't suffer hunger pains!

The worst thing you can do when you're on a diet is to ignore your body's hunger signals. Most diets fail because they allow you to become too hungry. Maybe you think it's normal: after all, isn't hunger proof that you're burning fat? Isn't it proof that your diet is working? To a certain degree this is true, until the feeling becomes so overwhelming and unbearable that there is no alternative than going on a binge of "forbidden" foods, all the high sugar and high fat items you've been avoiding diligently: chocolates, biscuits, cakes, crisps, fried chicken, pizza, cheese, crackers and candy. 

If you want to be successful with weight loss, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. Nothing is more important. 

1) Don't eat if you're not hungry.
Have a piece of fruit, a raw vegetable salad or a glass of water with lemon juice. This even applies to meal times: if you still feel hungry after your meal, you may need to increase the amount of complex carbohydrates or protein you're having. You could also add more vegetables and fruit to your portions. Plan healthy snacks to ensure a smooth transition from one meal to the next.

2) Don't suffer hunger pains. 
If hunger pangs are unfulfilled, they can lead to painful stomach ulcers or hypoglycaemia (low blood sugar). People tend to place their meals around the clock, and will eat at given times, whether they're hungry or not. However, it is much healthier and more effective to place your meals around your hunger, in the same way that children do, without paying attention to the clock. If you're in the habit of eating regular meals when you're not hungry, you will gain weight or sabotage your weight loss efforts. Your body tells you that you don't need energy, but you insist on putting food into it, out of habit. 
Ignoring your body's signals will lead to excess calories being stored as fat. It also puts extra strain on your liver and affects your metabolism adversely. If you grew up in poverty or during hard times, you may feel compelled to finish everything on your plate, and feel guilty if you don't. But today you don't need to do this any more. For your own wellbeing, it is much better to stop eating once you're full and no longer have the urge to satisfy your hunger or indulge your appetite. 

If you could follow the principle of eating only when you're hungry and stopping when you're full, you could easily lose weight and maintain your new healthy weight, without having to do much else! Your body is a wonderful machine with infinite wisdom. Listen to it. Treat it with reverence and respect, and you will reap the rewards: a slim, healthy body full of energy, while you're young and right into your old age.

With all my love,

Bella


Painting: "Home Grown Tomatoes" by Debra Sisson

Encourage Your Children to Be Physically Active

"Never hurry. Take plenty of exercise. Always be cheerful. Take all the sleep you need. You may expect to be well." - James Freeman Clarke.

Regular physical activity is one of the highest priorities for children. A healthy diet is a good start, but nothing compares to moving your body at a young age. Kids naturally enjoy being active and love to exercise, especially if it's done in a friendly environment, just for fun, and without competition. The enjoyment of physical exercise from an early age, and the influence of parents, teachers and friends contribute to shaping a lifelong positive attitude towards sport and exercise. 

Children have different needs and interests, depending on personality and stage of development. They are quick to learn skills, may develop a passion that can last a lifetime, whether it be for dancing, ice-skating, tennis, swimming, gymnastics, horse-riding or archery. Ball games are very popular, as they enhance motor skills and team spirit. In a team effort, everyone works together to obtain a final result. Even if the team loses, there are so many good moments and learning opportunities. Friendships are formed and often last a lifetime; these instants are unique and will never be forgotten!

The emphasis on enjoyment  and having fun with a group of friends, rather than winning at all cost, will encourage children to participate in a wide variety of sports and disciplines at school, within the community, and with family and friends. Offer young people a range of options to choose from, so there is a better chance of finding something they enjoy, and that suits them individually. Children who enjoy the rewards of sports participation, such as belonging to a team, achieving goals and learning new skills, are more likely to continue playing sport throughout adolescence and adulthood. 

While it's good to encourage physical activity, inactive pastimes should be avoided as much as possible. Some sedentary activities are extremely popular with children: TV, computer games, portable games, the internet, youtube videos, DVDs and mobile phone messaging. These couch-potato activities lead to motion deprivation. Instead of moving, these youngsters spend hours doing little more than sitting down, and possibly eating junk food at the same time. More than 60 minutes a day of any of these activities, and there looms the danger of ending up with serious health and behavioural consequences.

Parents are role models and by setting a good example, they have a unique opportunity to have a positive impact on their children's exercise habits. The home environment is a powerful influence, and if mum and dad go swimming, walking or jogging for instance, the kids will more than likely join in these activities and follow in their footsteps. Children are good learners. They learn by what they see and they love to imitate their parents' behaviour. They basically copy what you do, whether it's healthy or harmful! So choose healthy foods and active pursuits for yourself. Your children will want to follow your habits, and emulate their parents' desire to be healthy and active. 

If you haven't given exercise much thought but would like to give it a go, for yourself and your children, do it progressively. Introduce changes gradually. The more gradual the changes you make for yourself and your family, and the more support available, the more likely you and your children are likely to succeed and develop strong and permanent exercise habits. When you do start to make these changes, make sure you are well informed. There is the child's growth and development to consider, and valuable lessons about exercise that will last a lifetime.

With much love,

Bella

How to Overcome Anxiety and Negative Emotions

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this. " - Henry David Thoreau

1) Live in the present: this is your point of power. There is nothing else. Relax into this moment: feel it, see it, hear it, smell it, taste it. Take a few deep breaths and do it consciously. Your breath is the most important thing in your life; more important than money, more important than possessions. The average person can only survive three minutes without breathing!

2) Emotions are thoughts in motion, and this is why they never last very long. They come and go, like a wind blowing and rustling the leaves of a tree. Sometimes they stay for a bit longer, but you can always encourage them to move on. As soon as you replace a negative thought with a more positive one, your emotion begins to shift.  When a thought comes into your head and grabs your attention, you react to it with emotion. It can be joyful, but most of the time it is painful. You feel frightened and you begin to worry: what if I get sick, what if my child has an accident, what if I lose my job, what if my wife (or husband) leaves me for someone else? Now your heart is beating faster, sending more blood into your arteries. Your blood pressure goes up. Your throat feels dry and constricted. Maybe you feel pain in your chest area. 

3) Worrying happens when you project a negative outcome into the future. You've lost your connection to the present moment, and put your focus on an imaginary instant that you visualise in your brain. You visualise bad things happening to you, and begin to feel terrified. You become restless, ill at ease and want to take action to prevent these awful things from happening, even if you're not sure what sort of actions they should be and whether they would be effective. 

Instead of imagining negative things that could happen to your or your loved ones, why not project positive outcomes? Imagine yourself healthy, with a healthy bank account. Imagine your children and loved ones safe and looked after by their guardian angels, wherever they go. Imagine your love life as the most exciting and satisfying thing ever. Appreciate this person who is in your life, and show him or her more love and affection. If you're on your own and maybe looking for someone, imagine what this person would be like and what it would feel like to be together.

4) Continue to focus on your breathing, while observing yourself. Go inside yourself, and see what's there. Don't run away from your feelings. There might be a lot of sadness, guilt, anger and regret. Take a virtual broom and sweep them away! Make room for peace and serenity. Fear comes from your imagination. When you go into the past, you feel guilty. Guilt is a useless emotion, because it won't change anything about what you've done or what you haven't done, but it continues to make your life hell. Get rid of it! Feel good about yourself and your past. It's all a learning experience after all. 

When directed to the future, your imagined scenarios create a lot of anxiety. You're making a bad movie, but you can re-write the script, turn it into a happy movie, with fantastic moments and a good ending! After all, this is your life, your journey, and you have the power to change things. You have the power to change the way you feel about events, people, and yourself. You can see the good in them, instead of dwelling on the bad.

5) As soon as you begin to worry, get involved in an activity that demands a certain level of concentration or attention, like reading, drawing, writing, playing a musical instrument, cooking or doing some household chores. This will take your focus away from the worrisome thought. don't put too much pressure on yourself. 

Relax into the day and live from one moment to the next, without fretting if you haven't achieved everything you set out to do. You don't need to be super productive all the time! This kind of pressure is enough to make you feel stressed and anxious. If you can, get engaged in a pleasurable activity such as listening to your favourite music or watching a good movie or TV series. 

6) Don't fight your fears, because what you resist will persist. Accept these negative thoughts and befriend them. Look at them from a neutral point of view. Some of them do make sense, like being scare of losing your job if you take too much time off work. But being scared won't change anything about it. Accept your fears, and accept where you're at right now. You may have made some bad decisions, but at the time you probably didn't know all the consequences of your actions. You're not always aware of it when you make bad choices. Maybe you married the wrong person, but at the time you were in love with him or her, or you thought you were. Forgive yourself for all your mistakes, and forgive everyone else to. By holding a grudge against them you won't change them. It will only make it harder for you to find serenity.

7) If things get too much and you can't see a way out, talk to someone about your concerns, like a trusted friend or a counsellor. Talking about things that bother you is a great way to lighten your load. You begin to see things in a different light, and the other person might offer suggestions that can be helpful. Just talking is a kind of therapy in itself, even if no one comes up with a solution right away. You will immediately feel a sense of relief, and you'll be more optimistic about the future.

8) Cultivate positive emotions like hope, faith, love, appreciation, gratitude, joy, enthusiasm, etc, while handing over your problems to God or your Higher Power. Trust that everything will be okay in the end. 

Make a decision to stop worrying and to stop punishing yourself that way once and for all!


With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Meditating Seagull at Sunset" by Frank Wuts, 2007