Don't Worry, Be Happy

If you could accept the idea that whatever happens to you is the best possible thing that could happen, you would immediately change your mind about your current situation. Whether they are pleasant or not, your circumstances are the result of a lifetime of living. If you trust that whatever happens to you is to your benefit, even though it doesn't look very good at first, then you're ready to forgive yourself for the past and you open yourself to a bright future. 

You learn from your mistakes, and there is always something good hidden in the bad. You already know that, and you also know to make the best out of every situation. Now go one further and broaden your horizon. Acknowledge that everything that befalls to you will ultimately lead you to your good, to a wonderful, blessed life. If you accept this idea, even though it may seem ludicrous at first, you will feel a weight coming off your shoulders. You will fell lighter and you will gladly receive the present that this moment is. You know that eventually, you will benefit from what you're living now, even though you're not very excited about it first, especially if you're in the middle of a struggle. 

The idea that everything will be allright, and that in the end, it will even be magnificent, immediately dissolves your worries and concerns about the future. It enables you to be happy right now, no matter what you're going through. It makes the world look safe and friendly, rather than dangerous and hostile. With this vision in your mind and heart, you will enjoy freedom from worry. You will appreciate the feeling of life gently taking you where you're supposed to go...

With all my love,
Bella


Painting: "Flowering Garden in Spring" by Henri Martin, 1920

The Meaning of Suffering

The word "suffer" comes from the Latin sufferre "to bear, undergo, endure, carry or put under". It implies a weight that we carry and that presses down on us. When you're suffering from anything, you want to feel better fast. Even though we may not like it. pain is a useful warning signal that the body sends us for our own safety. Without pain, we would be prone to all sorts of injuries and we would soon find ourselves in life threatening situations without being aware of it. To acknowledge the usefulness of pain is to raise it to a higher level. We can be grateful for this protective mechanism. Some people are born without it: they never feel any physical pain, and this is a severe handicap. They have to be extremely cautious and constantly use mental awareness to compensate for it.

Mental anguish is also a warning signal that we can't ignore. When something is not right, we feel uncomfortable; we feel upset. Something is bearing down on us. First we need to acknowledge these emotions. What does this psychological pain mean to us? Where does it come from? Where does the injury come from? Is it our pride or vanity that is hurt, or our need for security, our desire for love and appreciation? Are we worried we might lose something? Are we afraid we might not get what we want? Sometimes, the suffering is ongoing, like in the case of depression. It looms like a big wall in front of us and there seems to be no way over it or around it. But no matter what the pain looks of feels like, no matter how long it has been lingering, there is a a way to alleviate it: by rising above it.

How will you lift yourself out of the suffering? Whether it stems from a relationship, a financial situation or a health challenge, pain contains a message that you will discover as you go within yourself. Pain is our teacher, and good teachers tell us what we need to know. There is a hidden gift in suffering and it can be anything, from acceptance to patience, hope, compassion, forgiveness, fortitude and inner strength. Always keep in mind the possibility of a peaceful resolution to your inner conflict. This openness will allow healing to occur. Go into your inner garden of serenity and find a place for your soul to rest. Little by little, your pain will dissolve and something beautiful will grow in its place...  

Painting: "A Garden" by Isaac Levitan (Wikipaintings)

Think, Think, Think...

Think more. Think about what really matters to you. Analyse yourself: become your own shrink. Find out what the motives are behind your thoughts and actions. Ask yourself, "Who am I?"

What is the nature of the mind? Am I the thinker, or am I more than that? Where do my thoughts come from? Do I have any influence on what goes on in my mind?
                                                                      It's easy to figure out that I don't benefit much from negative thoughts. They produce negative emotions like anger, resentment, jealousy and even despair. I know that positive thinking is much better for me and for those around me. But sometimes I can't help it: unwanted, intrusive thoughts pop into my mind without any warning. Usually they are driven by fear or anxiety. They make me feel powerless, like I have no control over what's happening or what's going to happen. 

I say to myself: "These are only thoughts and even though I might not be able to stop them, I can decide not to dwell on them. I will put my mind on something else, something more positive, more cheerful." I identify the negative thought and put it away. Instead of fighting it, I release it, very gently, and without getting upset over it. If I keep doing this, negative thoughts will losen their grip on me eventually.

Thinking constructively, rationally, is the first step towards peace of mind. Fear is irrational because it is based in the future, therefore it has nothing to do with the reality of the present moment. Conflict is irrational because we are all the same, and we are all connected to each other. We cannot live independently of each other. So if we're going to live together, why not do it in harmony? 

Little by little, as I become aware of the way I think, I can improve the way I relate to others and to life in general.

With loving thoughts,
Bella

Photo: "Le Penseur" ("The Thinker") by Rodin

Row Your Boat Gently Down the Stream

Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life is like a dream

You're rowing your boat as you're living your life. Maybe you're struggling to keep your boat moving, to keep it heading in a certain direction. Why not just go with the flow, with the stream of life, and it will take you where you'd like to go. If you point your boat upstream while pushing against what is, you'll waste a lot of energy. Just point your boat downstream and row very gently. 

In this peaceful mood of acceptance, you will achieve much more than in your constant fight against circumstances that are out of your control. Relax and let things and people be, without attempting to change them. Appreciate this moment and be merry, be happy. If you put joy into the task at hand and do it merrily, time will fly and it will seem lighter, not as daunting as you first thought it would be. Instead of trying to escape from this world, you will want to be in it more. 

Life is like a dream as your brain is always dreaming - whether you're asleep or not. Everything is an illusion, everything is unreal and that is the only reality there is... Yes, life can be a nightmare at times. But it can also be a beautiful dream, a dream come true. As long as you row your boat gently down the stream, you will see the beauty of it...

With all my love,

Bella


Painting: Young Woman Seated in Rowboat by Pierre-Auguste Renoir

So You Think You Don't Have any Willpower?

                                         Photo by Bella Tindale

Do you think you're not good enough, not smart enough, not talented enough? You're wrong. Human potential is the same for everyone. You may think that you have no willpower, but again, you are mistaken. You have as much willpower as anyone else, and you can achieve almost anything you set your mind to. You have the ability to think, to come up with ideas, to recall the past or envision the future. You have the ability to create things out of your imagination... You have the power of thought. So what are you lacking? Nothing at all. You are perfect as you are, a beautiful, precious, valuable human being... And with willpower, you can do anything. It's just a matter of knowing how to access this force that is within you. 

Some effective ways to increase your willpower are:

- regular meditation (focus on your breathing while gently letting go of your thoughts) 

- daydreaming (for instance, imagine being slim and going shopping for new clothes) 

- time management (plan your days, your actions in advance)

- consistent choices (e.g. you've decided to give up fried chicken once and for all, so you stick to this choice without hesitation)

- being kind to yourself (be nice and encouraging to yourself; refrain from punishing yourself, especially when you've fallen off the wagon). 

Always remember that you are your own master, and to a certain degree, you are the master of your destiny.
From now on and with the help of the Universe, you can take your life into your own hands.

With all my love and best wishes for success !

Bella 

How Can We Be More Like Water?

                                          Photo by Bella Tindale

The supreme good is like water,
which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

- Lao Tzu: Tao Te Ching: 8th Verse

Being like water enables us to become one with the world and with others around us. We don't oppose things any more, but we surrender to the invisible force that pulls us along. This is the ultimate wisdom: to be flexible and to yield rather than being defensive and opposing what is. We become attuned to our circumstances instead of fighting them. We appreciate what we have instead of rejecting it. We live in the present moment, absorbing the essence of it and enjoying it to the fullest. Water is a fluid substance that can take any shape. It keeps us grounded, down to earth and natural. We accept everything and everyone unconditionally, without prejudices and without contempt. Water is simple and pure; it has no ambivalence. It gives without striving and without expecting anything in return. It leads gently and without coercion. We are immersed in it like we are in a job that we love.

Just like the oceans surround islands and continents, we surround our family with protective arms as we embrace our home life. Right now, I am completely here with my loved ones, because this is what I choose to do, and it means the world to me. Right now, I am myself because I don't want to be anyone else. I am happy to be who I am, without trying to be someone I am not. I believe others respect me because I want to respect myself, and I want to treat others the way I want to be treated. And wanting is the most important thing, as I am not perfect, far from it. Like all humans, I make mistakes. Sometimes I lose my temper... But then I forgive myself and start again.

Just like water, the present moment is always fresh and full of possibilities. We can't grab it like we can't grab water as it will flow through our fingers. But we can go with it. We can go with the flow...

With love,

Bella

How to Have a Perfect Relationship

Some of you might object that the "perfect relationship" doesn't exist because people are not perfect. So why are we trying to find the perfect partner? And once we've found him or her, we believe that we will have our heaven on earth and live happily ever after. Yes, things go well for a while, we're in cloud nine, seeing everything through rosy glasses. But then things begin to go wrong and the relationship is not what it used to be any more. We feel that we've been cheated, that this person is not what he or she is cracked up to be. We see a lot of defects in this person, even though we used to put him on her on a pedestal. The characteristics we used to like in him or her now seem annoying. We start criticizing, demanding he or she does this or that...Or we are the person who is constantly being put down and belittled. No matter what we do, it never seems to be enough. We're damned if we do, and we're damned if we don't. We've had enough. We want to get out.

There is a perfect relationship, and that's the one you have with your dog. Your dog always loves you no matter what. You dog never criticizes you. He never tells you what to do. He knows that you will feed him and take him for a walk, but he waits patiently until you're ready and you get the bowl or the leash out. Then he gets all excited, jumping around, and his enthusiasm is contagious. He appreciates every precious minute of the attention you give him. He never tells you that he doesn't like the way you dress or the fact that you didn't take the garbage out or that you never take him out for dinner. He accepts you exactly as you are, and the only thing he does is show his unwavering love to you. There is a lesson to learn from this relationship model with your dog: accept the other person 100 %, without trying to change him or her. 

After all, you can't change someone else, you can only change yourself. As soon as you attempt to change someone, you set the downwards spiral into motion. Allowing someone to be who they are is probably the greatest gift anyone can give. And this also implies accepting yourself as you are. If you're not happy with yourself, you won't be happy with your partner. You will continuously find fault with him or her. Instead of focusing on this person's defects, why not call into your mind his or her good sides. Why not show appreciation and say something nice instead of complaining about his or her attitude? Just for today, pretend to be a dog and love your partner unconditionally... And see what happens!

With all my love,

Bella

Photo by Bella Tindale

Can We Live Without Desire?

Photo by Bella Tindale

Would a life without desire really be the end of suffering like the Buddhists proclaim? I don't know, and this remains a mystery to me. Isn't wanting part of being alive? There wouldn't be much room for improvement if we didn't want anything. It is out of wanting that we imagine and create things. A strong desire for something will make me proactive. It will make me choose actions that will bring me closer to my goal, my dream. Like most humans, I look into the future, hoping for better circumstances, a better career, better health, better money, more time for myself and my family. If I didn't want anything, I wouldn't care; I would just continue to live the same way without yearning to change anything for the better. Of course, desire can be excessive. It is wrong to be greedy for instance, or to want things that may hurt others such as too much power or control over them. If desire becomes obsessive it can be harmful too. If it takes up too much of our lives while making us neglect important aspects such as appreciating our loved ones, it could definitely lead to suffering... To me it's okay to have desires, and even very strong ones, as long as we have a good balance in our lives. As long as we never allow anything to take hold of us excessively. As long as we can enjoy the feeling of looking forward to something while letting go of the outcome. 

With love,
Bella