Anger and Willpower

"Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry." - Ephesians 4:27

One of the topics in my book, "The Magic of Willpower." is anger. Anger can make you lose control and when you're in that situation, willpower goes out the window. All your resolutions dwindle and you find yourself in a vulnerable position. You lose sight of your goal, which is to be in control of your reactions and ultimately your life. To be at the mercy of your emotions can be painful. In the case of anger, it causes more damage to you than to the person you're angry at.

It's almost an instinctive reaction to let anger well up inside of you when someone says or does something that you don't agree with or find offensive. While this may be a violation of your boundaries, you don't have to lower yourself to the level of negative, destructive emotions. You can remain above it, and decide not to take it to heart and above all, not to retaliate.

You need to take a detached view of what is happening and cultivate a sense of peace and serenity, no matter what's happening. Don't allow yourself to get involved emotionally. And you need to do it before the steam of the argument builds up, or it might lead to an explosion. "Time out" is sometimes necessary - like leaving the room or even leaving the house. If you let anger take hold of you and dictate your words and actions, you will lose control and inflict damage onto yourself and others. Even innocent bystanders like children will be the victims - and these traumatic events can take a lifetime to be undone.

If you refrain from harbouring vengeful thoughts, you're doing yourself and others a favour. Resentment is like fire and it can build into a storm. It can turn into an irrational attack on another human being, leaving deep emotional scars on all those involved at the time. Ask yourself: what sort of person do you really want to be? Make the decision to be the person you really want to be right now. Don't do it later. If you're willing to let go of anger, you can do it.

Do you want to be loving, caring, and have a good life with good relationships? Do you want to be healthy and stress-free, so you don't have to turn to addictions to cover up your discomfort? Become aware of how you've been reacting so far to your environment and to other people. Be mindful of negative emotions. Experience them if you wish to, but release them straight away, without dwelling on them. Say "sorry" often and if you make a mistake, rectify it on the spot.

In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I will teach you how to plan tricky situations in advance. I will show you how to pre-pave your circumstances and prepare yourself emotionally, so you'll never be caught unawares. Preparation is the key to success, and it's the key to keeping your anger under control. After a while, you won't even feel angry any more, as you will be able to analyse the situation and use detachment to prevent yourself from being drawn into the harmful cycle of arguments and counter arguments.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Desert Snow" by Katie Hark

Willpower is Mind Rehearsal

"Brittany comes to game mentally prepared to win the game. That's the highest compliment I can give her. She's more focused on winning the game... Every shift, every game... And our team can feed off that." - Bob Reid.

In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I highlight the fact that it's important to rehearse in your mind and prepare yourself mentally before you start a new project or embark on a new journey. Never underestimate the power of your imagination to help you achieve your goal.

A top athlete won't envision going to a competition and performing badly. She won't picture herself slipping, stumbling, falling over, pulling a muscle or breaking a bone... She will see herself achieving what she sets out to do and even more: improving her time, breaking a record, and reaching breathtaking heights of success. Doubting herself or worrying that anything could go wrong doesn't even enter her mind. She won't allow anything but sheer perfection to be part of her inner world. The outer world becomes a direct reflection of what's taking place inside, the excitement, the triumph, the glory...

Why not adopt this positive attitude in every day life? Why not decide to imitate the athlete and picture every situation in your mind as being absolutely in harmony with your wishes? Before you go somewhere or begin a new task, imagine yourself making all the right choices, doing all the right moves, meeting all the right people. You can visualise clement circumstances, helpful co-workers,
pleasant surroundings, and everything flowing easily. You can choose to do this, rather than worrying that things may go wrong and that a disaster may be imminent.

Practice makes perfect and what you rehearse mentally is likely to become your new reality. If you focus on accident, disease, crisis and disaster, you'll invite these events into your life. But if you concentrate on beneficial outcomes, you'll make room for these. You can write the script for your life, every hour, every minute, every second... If you attribute what happens to good or bad luck, you end up feeling powerless. It's time to turn around your destiny, by visualising what you want to achieve, with the power of your imagination.

Paint a bright picture ahead of every situation, instead of a grim one. Concentrate on the advantages of your present situation. Tell a good story about your life, even if it doesn't seem that way to you at the moment. For instance, instead of saying: "My child is very naughty and never listens to me", you could say: "My child might be boisterous at times, but she's a good kid and I can channel her energy in the right direction." You can picture yourself giving her the guidance she needs to function happily in this world.

You're not lying to yourself when you describe your reality in favourable terms. You're just looking at it from a different perspective, and this will help you develop a more constructive approach to the difficulties you encounter. Mind rehearsal is all about being prepared, in a positive way. You have a beautiful scenario in your mind, and this is how you'll help yourself in the best possible way to achieve your goal.

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Trunk of Burgeoning Oak" by Isaac Levitan, 1882, Russian Federation

Expect Good Things to Happen to You!

"Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realise the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits." - Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance, a Daybook of Comfort and Joy

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-control." - 2 Timothy 1:7

Some people live by the motto:"don't expect anything, and you won't be disappointed." They carry around a subdued pessimism and avoid looking at the bright side, just in case a shadow could hide the ray of sunshine that's been sent to them. These individuals remain in a neutral state of being, fearing to leave their "comfort" zone, even when it becomes uncomfortable. Deep down they expect the worst and can't imagine that there will be a happy ending to their troubles...

To expect bad things is counterproductive. Imagining trouble is almost the equivalent of asking for it. By putting out these negative thoughts, you will attract these events to you instead of repelling them. If you focus on disappointment and defeat, this is what you will mostly experience. Sometimes good things even happen to miserable people of course, but they don't want to take responsibility for it and quickly attribute it to "luck", something they believe they have no control over.

Foreboding causes you to be anxious and distressed, unable to function, and unable to enjoy the present moment as you project negative scenarios into the future. The next disaster is just around the corner, and you think you need to be "ready", just in case. but even if something bad did happen to you, you'd be rather ill-prepared and less likely to cope with the challenge by being fearful about it. To the believer, faith is the opposite of fear, and it means putting yourself in the hands of your Creator, and allowing Him to walk with you.

Projecting positive outcomes into the future and focusing on the idea that things will always work out for the best, you will attract good things to you, because this is what you expect. An expectation is almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I go over this concept in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". If you expect your children to fail in school, then it will most probably happen. But if you know that your children can overcome any difficulties and get an education despite many obstacles, you will teach them to trust in their innate abilities. No one needs to miss out on being successful, and one true measure of success is how peaceful and contented you are, and how you look forward to what is to come...

You can be an optimist by choosing your reality and this begins in the mind. Imagination gives you power if you use it to paint a sunny picture of the future. Of course the sky isn't always blue, and the sun isn't always shining, but doesn't every cloud have a silver lining? And isn't it better to have "false" hope than to have no hope at all?

with much love,

Bella

Photo:"Old Farm House in the Dordogne, France" by Marianne Coste-Ducreux

Drink Water for Better Health

"Drinking water is like washing out your insides. The water will cleanse the system, fill you up, decrease your caloric load and improve the function of all your tissues." - Kevin R. Stone

Life originated deep beneath the surface of the ocean. Life came out of the water, and water is necessary for all life. At birth, water accounts for approximately 80 percent of an infant's body weight. Roughly 70 percent of an adult's body is made up of water. The human brain comprises about 85 percent water and even your bones are not as hard as you think, as they are between 10 and 15 percent water.

Water plays such an important role in your life and is a major contributor to your health. Almost everyone has heard the advice: "Drink at least eight glasses of water a day". There are at least ten reasons why you need to drink plenty of water and make this an essential part of your daily routine.

1. For healthy, glowing skin.
Nothing improves the appearance of your complexion more than drinking water, as it moisturises the skin from inside out, and is much more effective than any expensive cream you can buy. It prevents your skin from drying out, thus reducing winkles and leaving it supple and elastic, with a beautiful shine.

2. To flush excess water and toxins from your body.
Without sufficient water, your body will go into survival mode and store excess water. When the body is supplied with a sufficient amount of water, it begins to release stores from your hips, thighs and ankles.  Water helps remove these stores but also helps flush out waste products from your body by stimulating your kidneys and assisting your liver function. Without enough water, the kidneys are unable to perform their function, which is filtering the blood and getting rid of toxins through urine. In the absence of sufficient water, the kidneys will turn to the liver for assistance. 

The liver, which is  like a major rubbish removal system, is then unable to perform some of its normal duties which include burning fat and calories. This results in the body depositing more fat. Water and fat stores going up means more weight on your body and on the scale. An early sign of dehydration is headache, due to an accumulation of toxins in the blood. You take Aspirin or Panadol, but it's actually the glass of water that you have with your medicine that gets rid of the headache!

3. Drinking at least eight glasses of water a day may reduce the risk of heart disease. 
If your body lacks water, your heart will need to work harder in order to pump oxygenated blood towards your body cells, and there is a greater chance of fatigue and exhaustion, as well as damaging strain on your heart muscle.

4. Water cushions and lubricates your joints and muscles, thus enhancing performance during physical activity. It also prevents muscle fatigue and pain, as well as cramps. It can also help with restless legs and contribute towards a good night's sleep, as it is a natural muscle relaxant.

5. Water gives you energy and helps you stay fit and alert with a positive frame of mind. 
You can face challenges a lot more effectively when you drink water. Even minor levels of dehydration can cause headaches, drowsiness, moodiness, lack of concentration and lack of enthusiasm. The brain is for the most part made of water, so it is only logical that it will work better with it!

6. For optimal digestive function. 
Water dilutes digestive juices in your stomach and prevents you fro developing ulcers. It also stimulates bowel movements and softens the stool, thus making it easier to establish a regular bowel pattern.

7. Water Strengthens the immune system.
It reduces the risk of contracting infectious and degenerative diseases. It even hampers the growth of abnormal and cancerous cells. Water has an overall protective effect on your health.

8. It regulates your body temperature, so you don't overheat. 
When you have an elevated temperature, make sure you drink enough water to replace lost fluids. Water also assists sweating, which helps you cool down and conserve your energy.

9. Water stimulates your metabolism, thus assisting weight loss.
It activates protein synthesis and muscle formation. It assists weight loss by encouraging the body to burn more calories, especially during exercise.

10. Water has healing properties.
When you're sick, it helps you recover quicker. It activates tissue regeneration and reestablishes a balance within all your systems. It helps alleviate vomiting and diarrhea by replenishing humidity stores and preventing dehydration.

Water is a fountain of youth. It is the substance of life, and life cannot exist without it. Water is a miracle cure for a lot of common ailments such as headache, heartburn, constipation, fatigue, muscle aches and pains and even insomnia and depression. Alcohol, nicotine, caffeine and prescription drugs strip fluids away from your body, but water replaces them and allows your marvellous machine to work to perfection!

So go and have a glass of water now...

With love,

Bella

Painting: 'Taste of Summer' by Lora Garcelon

The Power of Powerlessness

"Incredible changes happen in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't." - Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free.

By recognising that you're powerless over other people and their behaviour, you regain power over your own life. You might not be able to change others, but you can change your life - by changing your thoughts, emotions and actions. I explain how to do this in my book "The Magic of Willpower". 

Once you're aware of your feelings, and know how to control them, you will begin to change your circumstances, step by step. You will do this by modifying your outlook on everything that happens to you, and taking action accordingly. These choices belong entirely to you - no matter what anyone says or does. For instance, when someone is rude to you, you can choose to retaliate, or you can choose to ignore it. Practice paying attention to the things you like instead of focusing on the things you dislike.

Improvement begins once you stop attempting to control the uncontrollable. Then your real power emerges. You have the power to change your life. These options are in your hands - at any time, and in any situation. It is true that decisions are never perfect and always involve some risk, but this is the nature of life itself. if you knew for sure that your decisions were 100 % correct, it would take away the excitement of the unknown, wouldn't it? Change brings with it hope and positive expectations.

Don't look back, go forward. Follow your gut feeling. Decisions aren't made overnight - they often take time to grow and develop. But you'll know within yourself, in your heart and soul when you're ready to take the plunge. This is your life, so make the most of it... Whatever you're longing to do, do it today - do it now.

With all my love, 

Bella

Painting: "A Birch Grove" by Arkhip Kuindzhi, 1879, Russia (Wikipaintings)

Your Divine Light Within Creates Miracles!

"I have come to recognize the Divine Light within my own heart." - Sri Guru Granth Sahib

The Light is out there, but it's also within you.  All you need to do is to look inside and feel it; allow it to bathe your body and soul. Allow it to seep into your organs, your brain, your mind, your emotions. The light accompanies you at all times... It never leaves you, it never lets you down. It's not just an invention, an illusion to make you feel better. It really works, as long as you allow it to do its job, without interfering.

A miracle is a manifestation of Divine Love. It can be as simple as a smile; as simple as patting someone one the shoulder or taking someone's hand, giving comfort and reassurance. It can be as simple as forgiving, when you thought you could never do it. It can be as simple as persisting instead of giving up, in spite of difficulties, when times are hard and everything seems to be going against you. Divine Light is watching over you, is guiding and protecting you. You won't be asked to do things you can't carry out. God doesn't expect you to be superhuman; He understands - he knows your weaknesses and turns them into assets, into strength. 

True acceptance is to fully surrender to your circumstances, without fighting them. Every moment is an inspiration, when you're grateful for what you've got and make the most out of it. As you rejoice in your current situation and see the good in what is, instead of longing for something different, you're in touch with your inner Light, the essence of the Divine.

"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", but is it really? Isn't it an illusion to believe that others are better off than you are, or that life could be a lot better, if only you were born into a different family, in a different country, if you were married to a different person... Once you're on the other side of the fence, you might want to look at a different kind of grass again! It's a never-ending search... But if you understand that what you're looking for is already here right now, inside of you, then you allow yourself to be at peace - and the Light will take over your whole being.

Why look for love? You are love. Why get a life? You are life. Why look for a purpose in life? You are here, and you are right on purpose. Why look for God? The Kingdom of God is already within you! Let's stop looking for things, and let's start living. Let's do it now.

with love,

from Bella

Painting: "Corfu: Lights and Shadows" by John Singer Sargent, 1909 (Wikipaintings)

The Power of Kindness

"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice." -Author Unknown.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." - Dalai Lama

How do you change the world? By practicing one act of kindness at a time. Smiling, opening doors, helping with chores, assisting a friend or a stranger in need, giving money to charity, spending quality time with a child or a pet, giving your undivided attention to others and listening to them with empathy... All these deeds are priceless and add up, contributing to making this planet a better place to live. Recycling rubbish and rescuing animals, as well as encouraging peace, tolerance and understanding between different nations and religions are other examples of compassion. 

Kindness begins with everyone of us. Awareness of others (putting ourselves in their shoes), without being judgmental or critical, is the first step towards changing our attitude. Analyzing our responses is another important step. Just because people don't behave according to our expectations doesn't mean we must react to them with annoyance or irritation... 

Taking a deep breath and thinking before speaking can often defuse an argument. Others have their own reasons to be grumpy, unhelpful, unreasonable or irrational in your my eyes. You don't need to take it to heart. In an awkward situation, you always have a choice - whether to react or to respond in a polite manner, or not to respond at all. In the worst case scenario, it might be better to walk away and leave a troublesome individual to his or her devices. Angry people like to transfer their negative feelings onto others, but you don't have to be the target of their bad temper if you choose not to be. Give them understanding instead of fighting back, and their anger will soon evaporate. 

Kindness is important because your attitude towards life and others can have a significant effect on what happens to you day after day. If you expect good things, then these will come to you. If you expect people to treat you well, with love, respect and empathy, just like you treat them, then this is what you will receive in return. What you give out will come back to you. If you focus on kindness, this is what you will experience: the circumstances of your life will change accordingly. Maybe not right away - but sooner or later you will reap the fruits of your actions. You will see the results in the way other people respond to you, and in the way your daily needs are being met. Your own kindness and compassion will be reflected in everything that takes place in your life!

with love,

Bella

Painting: "Sara in a Large Flowered Hat Looking Right Holding Her Dog" by Mary Cassatt, 1902 (Wikipaintings)