How to Forget Something or Someone

"To forgive is wisdom, to forget is genius. And easier. Because it's true. It's a new world every heart beat." - Joyce Cary, The Horse's Mouth

To stop thinking about something or someone may seem like a tall order, especially when you're in the middle of a crisis like ill health, job loss or separation. How to do it may seem difficult, but there is an easy and straightforward way to go about it. Putting this simple strategy into practice however takes commitment and some practice.

Whenever you find yourself thinking about something unpleasant, something in your life that bothers you, or a person you would like to get out of your mind, gently but firmly direct your thoughts away from it and towards something or someone that makes you feel better.

Do this repeatedly and consistently, whenever an unwanted thought pops up in your mind. Over time this strategy will become automatic. And when something becomes a habit, it requires less and less effort, as I explain in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". In the beginning you might struggle but after a while it will become natural: this way of thinking will become a part of you. You will apply it to other situations, like when you worry too much, or when you're stuck in a negative thinking pattern.

The thought in itself is not a problem. The real problem is the tendency we have as human being to feel sorry for ourselves, and wanting other people to feel sorry for us too. It's almost as if we get a warped sense of satisfaction from it! Feeling bad can be addictive in a crazy sort of way, but it won't help us move forward. The problem is still there, and we won't resolve it by dwelling on it. We need to let it go, no matter what.

Do you want to embark on an endless cycle of thinking about something or someone you want to forget? Once you understand how useless it is to hold onto painful memories and feelings, you can start choosing thoughts that are not so painful, and that give you a sense of hope and relief. Choose something that feels a bit better, like "I have family and friends who will helps me and give me moral support", "There will be a solution to my money problem", "Children are resilient and they will adjust to it."

You may be caught in a difficult situation, but you are free to choose thoughts that are positive and encouraging. Forgetting someone is not easy, but you can do it by shifting your attention to something else. Focus on improving your life, on making the most out of what you've got rather than what you've lost. Distract yourself with meaningful and joyful activities. Put all your attention on the present moment, without drifting into the past or future. 

With loving thoughts,

Bella

Painting: "Forger Me Not" by Derick Burleson, Alaska, 2010