Look on the Bright Side

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." - Buddha

Reality is how you perceive it. Reality is how you think it is and how you want to see it. According to quantum mechanics, things don't exist when we are not observing them. So don't take notice of what you don't like, don't talk about it, don't dwell on it.

At first you may feel like you're kidding yourself. After all, you have all these problems... How can you just ignore them and carry on with your life as if they didn't exist?

How can you not worry? This sounds like denial, but it's only a matter of where you put you focus on, and what thoughts you decide to keep in your mind. Thoughts come to you all the time; you don't need to invite them. But some thoughts catch your attention more then others, and if you allow them to stay, they will produce more thoughts of the same kind. For instance, if you feel sorry for yourself and nurture this feeling, you will find more and more reasons to feel sad and discouraged.

If there is one thing you like about your life, your job, your family, your cat or your dog, put all your attention on it. Tell yourself how much you appreciate this aspect of your existence. Praise others and let them know how much you love and care for them, and what a difference they make in your life. 

Put a happy face on when you go to work, and expect to get along with everyone, even if they're not perfect. All humans have flaws, but why point out other people's defects? You won't change them. But if you acknowledge their qualities, they will respond more positively to you, and your interaction with them will greatly improve.

Forget all the things you don't like and keep pushing against. Weed out negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones. This will make you feel better about anything you have to cope with. Repeat to yourself, "I can handle this, and I know that things are getting better for me all the time, as long as I keep looking on the bright side. I know that lots of good things are coming to me!"

I wish you love and peace of mind,

Bella

Painting: 'Light Melody' by Lena Sotskova

What to do when you've broken your diet

"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments." - Bethenny Frankel, American author and television personality

This morning, you got up at 06.00 am, went to the gym and did a good workout, then came home to a nutritious breakfast. You managed to get your kids ready for school without too much trouble, while packing a healthy lunch for yourself. At work, you avoided the usual temptations of muffins and birthday cakes, had an apple instead, and steered clear of the vending machine. You felt in control until you picked up the kids from school and they started fighting in the car. Your blood pressure went up and your temper flared. A message on your phone: your husband let you know he would be back late from work.

Suddenly feel exhausted, but you still need to take your son to soccer training and your daughter to ballet. You come back around 6 pm to a messy house, and don't feel like cooking any more. It will be McDonald's for the children and a can of vegetable soup for you. Ravenous, you gobble down your meagre meal, and after helping your children with their homework, you finally manage to get them off to bed. Weary and discouraged, you go to the freezer. There is a bucket of ice cream. Boysenberry, your favourite! Before you realise what you're doing, you help yourself to a big bowl of it, and top it with whipped cream. You eat it and it tastes and feels good, but then guilt sets in and you feel like a failure.

It only takes a few seconds for a diet to go from awesome to awful, and no matter how strong your resolve is, you can't expect to follow your diet perfectly all the time. In my book 'The Magic of Sensible Dieting' I devote a whole chapter to diet perfectionism, as it is actually counter-productive. As human beings we make mistakes, and you will never be able to change this. You might do everything by the book for a while, until you get tempted and fall off the wagon. What is important is how you cope with these lapses and how fast you get back on track.

Know yourself, and find out what your triggers are: stress, boredom, frustration, loneliness, tiredness or feeling overwhelmed? Stress is a big problem, and dealing with it takes a lot of planning as well as making time to calm your mind and body in a natural way. Drinking alcohol or taking prescription drugs is not recommended! Meditation helps a lot, and it's not the obscure science that a lot of people believe it is. It simply means focusing on your breath, and as soon as your mind wanders (and it will), return to your breath. You can do this anywhere you are.

Maybe you 'stuff down' your emotions to avoid feeling them. The fear alone of these painful emotions can trigger you to eat. When your feelings get the better of you, write them down in a diary or discuss them with someone like a trusted friend or a counsellor. See what happens if you allow yourself to feel these emotions without suppressing them. It might not be as bad as you think it is. You could also go for a walk, drink some water or listen to some calming music.

The important thing is not to beat up on yourself. Talk nicely to yourself, like you would to a friend in the same situation. Instead of yelling at yourself what a failure you are, say to yourself: "Okay, you had a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. So what? You got stressed. It's not the end of the world. Don't ditch your diet just because of one mistake. Tomorrow is another day, and you will be able to make healthy choices again." Get back on track right away, that's the secret.

Before you succumb to temptation, you might want to try the strategy of waiting it out. You should only eat if you're really hungry. Ask yourself, "Is this my head or my stomach demanding food?" If you wait ten to twenty minutes and get engrossed in some activity, you will find that your desire for food will disappear, unless you were really hungry to begin with. If you feel like a treat but get too busy to indulge in it, chances are you will forget about it.

Acknowledge your success so far. Even if you haven't lost much weight yet, you've made an effort to look at your eating habits, to be more healthy conscious and eat more mindfully. This is great progress, and you should congratulate yourself. Even if you just improve your diet a little bit every day, you will be able to achieve a lot.  Every time you make good choices, you're moving forward towards your ultimate goal.

With love,

Bella

How to Stop Having Regrets

"One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different." - Lemony Snicket.

Maybe there is something about your past that gives you shame, and that you don't want to tell anyone. You can't forgive yourself for this, and just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it's something you did to someone else, or maybe you did it to yourself. 

You could also have regrets for lost opportunities. You torture yourself, repeating to yourself: "I should have done this, or I should have done that..." But it's too late now. Unfortunately, you can't you can't go back in time.

Guilt is a useless emotion, because it does nothing for you, except keeping you trapped in an endless cycle of guilt,  shame, regret, punishment and low self-esteem. It's time to break your shackles and live your life without looking back. Accept yourself as you are now. Everything you did is a part of you, but it's not what keeps you going today. What keeps you going is what you think from moment to moment, and the decisions you make as a result.

Acknowledge your mistakes without fear. Talk to yourself, talk to someone else like a trusted friend or a counsellor. You mistakes seem unforgivable to you, but someone else may have more empathy for you. We are our own harshest judges! "I can never forgive myself for this" is an attitude that won't set you free, but keep you chained to the past. I you can't forgive yourself, you'll remain stuck in a destructive cycle and repeat the regretful actions over and over, instead of breaking free from them.

Put your mistakes into perspective. Maybe you did something terrible, but why did you do it? What were your circumstances? For instance, maybe you took drugs or were promiscuous because you felt lonely and depressed, and wanted to fit in. Maybe it was the only way you had to cope with difficult circumstances. It's not about finding excuses, but about putting your behaviour into context. Maybe you did the best you could at the time with the tools and knowledge you had. 

Learn and grow from what you did instead of berating yourself. Guilt is toxic to your self esteem, and peace and happiness will elude you if you keep holding yourself in contempt. Understand your actions and make a commitment  to act differently from now on. You can't erase your mistakes, but you can make up for them, by learning from them and making amends to the people you hurt or to yourself. 

You can decide to choose serenity over self-condemnation. Do you want to continue suffering or make a decision to be free from the past? Instead of dwelling on your past mistakes, focus on all the opportunities the present has to offer. Beating up on yourself won't improve your life, but making a decision to be put an end to regrets and to be happy will.

"Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets." - Henry A. Kissinger.

With all my love,

Bella

Healthy Eating: Six Easy Principles Explained

1) Know yourself: it will help you plan ahead. Planning is the secret of success. Are you the kind of person who enjoys food preparation, cooking shows, shopping for food and all aspects of the culinary art? Do you hate anything that has to do with cooking? Or are you somewhere in between? Do you like big family gatherings and large shared meals, or do you prefer snacking at home in front of your computer or television? 

Depending on what type of person you are, it may not always be advisable to follow the common wisdom of five or six small meals instead of three big ones. A lot of people are healthy while sticking to the traditional three square meals a day. Just make sure you don’t end your day with a huge dinner, and plan small snacks during the day before a dinner party.

Knowing yourself also helps counteract behaviours that may be detrimental to you, like too many sweet treats at work or at home. Know your weak moments and plan ahead, by packing nutritious foods such as fruit, carrot and celery sticks if you feel like munching on something. Do this instead of heading towards the vending machine! If you need to lose weight, just eat a little less every day, instead of going on a drastic diet.

2) Find out what sort of ‘greens’ you like. If you haven’t eaten a vegetable since you were ten years old, it’s time to do some personal research regarding your taste. You may think you don’t like beans, broccoli or cabbage, but preparation makes all the difference. Surf the net for easy, tasty recipes. If there is only one vegetable you like, stick to it for a while; it is better than nothing. Progressively introduce different vegetables into your diet. Have your weekly supply home delivered, if you don’t have time to shop. 

Vegies are extremely versatile: you can add them to salads, soups, stir-fries, stews, curries, bakes, and so on. They give your meals more bulk without adding extra calories, while also making them more nutritious. The fibre in vegetables is particularly valuable, as it keeps you clean from the inside, and helps your body eliminate toxins and extra fat. Vegies are ‘low GI’, so they are also great at regulating blood sugar levels.

Fruit is extremely versatile too, and a simple apple can take away sugar cravings. If you can’t easily obtain fresh fruit, look for frozen raspberries for example, and make an energising smoothie with them, with some banana and low fat milk, soy milk or yoghourt.

3) Eat less animal foods like meat or chicken. Make the bulk of your diet consist of grains, legumes, nuts, seeds, fruit and vegies, rather than meat. Whole grains like in oats, or in wholemeal breads, wholemeal pasta and brown rice are full of fibre, B vitamins, and will make you feel energetic, while stimulating your metabolism. They also make you feel full. Nuts and seeds are a great source of protein and other nutrients. Legumes are full of fibre, protein, iron, folate and loads of other nutrients. You can replace meat with legumes as it is an excellent source of protein. Open up a can of beans or chick peas and add them to your soups, curries and pasta. Add seeds (e.g. sunflower or sesame seeds) and nuts (e.g. chopped almonds) along with berries to your breakfast porridge. You will be one of the few people (less than 5 %) in Australia who are getting enough vitamin E!

4) Know your fats. Not all of them are necessarily bad for you, and fat is actually essential for good health and adequate functioning of your organs. Polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats are the ‘good’ guys. You’ll find them in nuts and vegetable oil and oily fish, such as salmon, trout and herring. They are a good source of omega-3 fatty acids. The problem with vegetable fats, including olive oil, is that high temperatures affect their chemical nature, and they can become harmful if used for frying or cooking. The only stable oil that can be heated without changing its chemical composition is coconut oil. Olive oil should be drizzled over your food, after you’ve steamed it or cooked it in a bit of water. 

In her fascinating and controversial book, ‘The Big Fat Surprise’, Nina Teichholz debunks the myth that saturated fats are bad for you. They have always been an integral part of our traditional diet, and people did not gain extra weight for consuming them. Moderation seems to be the key with these fats found in meat, chicken, dairy products (milk, cheese, cream, butter), fish and coconut oil. 

Trans fats are definitely the ‘bad’ guys, but it’s fairly easy to avoid them, as they are mainly found in processed supermarket foods like cakes, cookies, crackers, potato crisps, chocolate, frozen meals, and take away burgers, chips and so on. Some of these products can be high in hidden sugars too, so it’s best to avoid it. Stick to fresh  produce as much as you can, but don’t become paranoid about these fats as you probably won’t be able to avoid them completely while living in modern society. Again, moderation and self-control is the best strategy. 

5) Reduce your portion sizes. The stomach is the size of a fist, not a wheelbarrow. If you habitually eat big portions, it will get stretched beyond its normal size, and the pituitary gland in your brain won’t register the fullness signal unless you’ve gorged yourself. Once you begin to eat smaller portions, you may still feel slightly hungry after a meal, but after a while, your body will adjust to these portions, and you will feel satisfied, even though you’ve eaten only half or a third of what you used to eat. To find out what a normal portion looks like, put your hands together to form a ball. This is the ideal portion size! Cut down your portions progressively and eat more slowly, savouring every bite, chewing and swallowing mindfully. You will find it more enjoyable than gobbling down your meal without appreciating it.

6) Reduce your sugar intake, especially in ‘liquid’ form. No soft drinks or sodas! Watch out for hidden sugars. Around 80 % of supermarket processed foods contain sugar in one form or another. Sugar has many different names, such as maltose, dextrose or fructose. Molasses, syrups, fruits juices and honey are just as harmful, even though they may look innocent. Something marketed as healthy like a breakfast cereal or muesli bar can actually be loaded with sugar.

Too much sugar in your diet puts you at risk of developing diabetes, heart disease, fatty liver, obesity and ‘metabolic’ syndrome, a group of risk factors including high blood sugar, high ‘bad’ cholesterol, high blood pressure and accumulation of fat around the abdomen. 

If you follow all these principles as much as possible, you will remain healthy and in good shape, especially if you devote some of your time to regular exercise too!

With my best wishes for your success,

Bella

Don't Say You're on a Diet

"Health requires healthy food." - Roger Williams

A diet alone won't help you lose weight. It may even make things worse for you. People who diet for a certain period of time, only to revert to their former eating habits once the diet is over, will put on even more weight than they've lost. Restricting your food intake slows your metabolism. As you deprive your body of calories and nutrients, it goes into starvation mode. You're setting yourself up for more weight gain: this is the 'rebound' effect. 

A diet should not be a temporary thing, something you do to lose a few kilograms or pounds, over a period of time. Much better and more effecting is a change of lifestyle. The word 'diet' actually means 'way of life'. It encompasses every aspect of eating, exercising, sleeping, as well as smoking and drinking. To have a healthy body within the normal weight range, you need to nourish it with healthy food. You are what you eat, so choose wisely what you decide to put into your body. If you eat junk food, you will become junk!

Exercise regularly, but don't do anything that you can't stick with long term. Choose a form of exercise that is moderate and that you find enjoyable. Your new habit needs to be sustainable. If you know you won't be able to go to the gym five days a week, then don't fool yourself into believing that you will do it. Be realistic about what you can do. It's better to walk for half an hour a day at your own pace, rather than pushing yourself too hard, and put yourself off exercising altogether.

A lifestyle is something you do for the rest of your life. An easy and sensible easy way to improve your diet is to eat more fresh fruit and vegetables. Drink eight to twelve glasses of filtered water a day. Sleep at for at least seven to eight hours a night. If you don't sleep enough, your metabolism will become sluggish. You will be moody, volatile and less likely to resist temptation. 

Have a wholesome breakfast that includes complex carbohydrates, protein and fruit. Oat porridge with banana, nuts and seeds for instance, or poached eggs with tomato and parsley on wholemeal toast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, because it kickstarts your metabolism. Instead of three big meals a day, make it a habit to have five or six smaller ones. This will stabilise your blood sugar levels and give you sustained energy until bedtime. 

Avoid refined sugar and anything with hidden sugar in it, like muesli bars or even fruit juice. Sugar comes in a lot of disguises and has many different names. Just because you choose honey doesn't mean you don't eat sugar! It's the same thing. Honey may be more natural, but it is still sugar. Fructose and high fructose corn syrup are just as bad. Watch for names that end in 'ose' like maltose or dextrose: they all mean sugar.

Change can be frightening, so implement changes progressively. It works better to do things step by step, rather than trying to stick with drastic changes overnight. It took you a long time to develop unhealthy habits, so it will take you a while to undo them and replace them with healthy ones. But does it really matter? As long as you actually make these changes, there is no rush. 

This is your body, your health, your journey. Only you decide how you will do it, and how long it will take you to transform yourself. Start with one little thing, like eating an apple instead of an ice-cream. This will lead to the next thing and to the next, until you replace all your negative habits with positive ones!

With love,

Bella

Painting: 'Red Bell with Vase' by Debra Sisson

Tune into Your Body

It's amazing how preoccupied we can be with our body, while at the same time, being out of touch with it. This obsession is mostly about looks and it usually focuses on the negative aspects of our body, rather than the positive ones. 

When you grew up, you were probably insecure and as you compared yourself to others who in your opinion, were better looking and therefore deserving of more admiration and respect. As you became older and more mature, you stopped comparing yourself to others, but this basic insecurity remained with you. Most adults feel that there are too fat, too short, too tall, too ugly, as if there was some model of perfection they need to measure up to. Magazines emphasise this concept as they project an ideal that is out of reach for the average human. 

It's time to love your body, this marvellous machine, and accepting it as it is, instead of wishing it were different. Your body can walk, sit down and reach for things. It can run, jump and climb. It knows how to digest food and makes your heart beat without your intervention. It will even breathe for you, without you having to do it consciously. Your body can feel things and taste food and experience all sort of sensations. You may take it for granted until something happens to it, and you lose any of these abilities due to an accident or illness. Then you yearn for them and wish you could have them back and be like you were before. Imagine what it would be like if you were paralysed, wheelchair bound and at the mercy of other people's kindness and assistance. This is a quick way to stop being complacent.

An effective exercise to get in touch with your body and tune into is the 'body scan'. You can do it while comfortably seated or lying down. It consists in relaxing your muscles one by one while travelling through your body, beginning with your feet and ending at the top of your head. Begin with the toes of your left foot, then move up your leg to your pelvis, and start again with your foot and leg. Consciously breathe in and out. While you're breathing out, imagine tension and toxins leaving your body. Once you reach the pelvis again, move to your abdomen, lower back, chest and upper back. Then to your arms one by one, starting with your fingertips. Next your shoulders and your neck, then your face, the back of your head and finally the top of your head. Imagine a whole on top of your head: you're breathing through it as if it were a blowhole. Visualise your breath flowing from your feet to the top of your head, while entering every region of your body and relaxing, rejuvenating them. 

Do this body scan every day if you can, or whenever you have a few minutes to yourself. Notice how your body feels different every time you're doing it, and how your aches and pains begin to disappear. When you do this regularly, you will feel your body relaxing and becoming your friend, your ally, instead of your enemy. You will develop appreciation and respect for everything it can do, and how well it serves you. You've ignored your body so far, but now you're paying attention to it, and you feel a new sense of empowerment that comes from knowing your body and being in tune with it.

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Relaxing on the Beach" by Robert Anderson.