Anger and Willpower

"Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry." - Ephesians 4:27

One of the topics in my book, "The Magic of Willpower." is anger. Anger can make you lose control and when you're in that situation, willpower goes out the window. All your resolutions dwindle and you find yourself in a vulnerable position. You lose sight of your goal, which is to be in control of your reactions and ultimately your life. To be at the mercy of your emotions can be painful. In the case of anger, it causes more damage to you than to the person you're angry at.

It's almost an instinctive reaction to let anger well up inside of you when someone says or does something that you don't agree with or find offensive. While this may be a violation of your boundaries, you don't have to lower yourself to the level of negative, destructive emotions. You can remain above it, and decide not to take it to heart and above all, not to retaliate.

You need to take a detached view of what is happening and cultivate a sense of peace and serenity, no matter what's happening. Don't allow yourself to get involved emotionally. And you need to do it before the steam of the argument builds up, or it might lead to an explosion. "Time out" is sometimes necessary - like leaving the room or even leaving the house. If you let anger take hold of you and dictate your words and actions, you will lose control and inflict damage onto yourself and others. Even innocent bystanders like children will be the victims - and these traumatic events can take a lifetime to be undone.

If you refrain from harbouring vengeful thoughts, you're doing yourself and others a favour. Resentment is like fire and it can build into a storm. It can turn into an irrational attack on another human being, leaving deep emotional scars on all those involved at the time. Ask yourself: what sort of person do you really want to be? Make the decision to be the person you really want to be right now. Don't do it later. If you're willing to let go of anger, you can do it.

Do you want to be loving, caring, and have a good life with good relationships? Do you want to be healthy and stress-free, so you don't have to turn to addictions to cover up your discomfort? Become aware of how you've been reacting so far to your environment and to other people. Be mindful of negative emotions. Experience them if you wish to, but release them straight away, without dwelling on them. Say "sorry" often and if you make a mistake, rectify it on the spot.

In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I will teach you how to plan tricky situations in advance. I will show you how to pre-pave your circumstances and prepare yourself emotionally, so you'll never be caught unawares. Preparation is the key to success, and it's the key to keeping your anger under control. After a while, you won't even feel angry any more, as you will be able to analyse the situation and use detachment to prevent yourself from being drawn into the harmful cycle of arguments and counter arguments.

With much love,

Bella

Painting: "Desert Snow" by Katie Hark

Willpower is Mind Rehearsal

"Brittany comes to game mentally prepared to win the game. That's the highest compliment I can give her. She's more focused on winning the game... Every shift, every game... And our team can feed off that." - Bob Reid.

In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I highlight the fact that it's important to rehearse in your mind and prepare yourself mentally before you start a new project or embark on a new journey. Never underestimate the power of your imagination to help you achieve your goal.

A top athlete won't envision going to a competition and performing badly. She won't picture herself slipping, stumbling, falling over, pulling a muscle or breaking a bone... She will see herself achieving what she sets out to do and even more: improving her time, breaking a record, and reaching breathtaking heights of success. Doubting herself or worrying that anything could go wrong doesn't even enter her mind. She won't allow anything but sheer perfection to be part of her inner world. The outer world becomes a direct reflection of what's taking place inside, the excitement, the triumph, the glory...

Why not adopt this positive attitude in every day life? Why not decide to imitate the athlete and picture every situation in your mind as being absolutely in harmony with your wishes? Before you go somewhere or begin a new task, imagine yourself making all the right choices, doing all the right moves, meeting all the right people. You can visualise clement circumstances, helpful co-workers,
pleasant surroundings, and everything flowing easily. You can choose to do this, rather than worrying that things may go wrong and that a disaster may be imminent.

Practice makes perfect and what you rehearse mentally is likely to become your new reality. If you focus on accident, disease, crisis and disaster, you'll invite these events into your life. But if you concentrate on beneficial outcomes, you'll make room for these. You can write the script for your life, every hour, every minute, every second... If you attribute what happens to good or bad luck, you end up feeling powerless. It's time to turn around your destiny, by visualising what you want to achieve, with the power of your imagination.

Paint a bright picture ahead of every situation, instead of a grim one. Concentrate on the advantages of your present situation. Tell a good story about your life, even if it doesn't seem that way to you at the moment. For instance, instead of saying: "My child is very naughty and never listens to me", you could say: "My child might be boisterous at times, but she's a good kid and I can channel her energy in the right direction." You can picture yourself giving her the guidance she needs to function happily in this world.

You're not lying to yourself when you describe your reality in favourable terms. You're just looking at it from a different perspective, and this will help you develop a more constructive approach to the difficulties you encounter. Mind rehearsal is all about being prepared, in a positive way. You have a beautiful scenario in your mind, and this is how you'll help yourself in the best possible way to achieve your goal.

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Trunk of Burgeoning Oak" by Isaac Levitan, 1882, Russian Federation