Patience and Tolerance

Painting: "Summertime" by Mary Cassatt, 1894

"We cannot learn real patience and tolerance from a guru or a friend. They can be practiced only when we come in contact with someone who creates unpleasant experiences. According to Shantideva, enemies are really good for us as we can learn a lot from them and build our inner strength." - Dalai Lama

I find it hard to believe that enemies can actually be good for me. But without people doing things I disapprove of, or saying things that I may find hurtful, there wouldn't be any opportunities to progress along a spiritual path... No one is exactly how I would like them to be in an ideal world. My partner, my children, my parents, my coworker sometimes act and react in ways that can be annoying and frustrating. But this is my interpretation of their words and actions. They have their own problems, their own agenda, their own reasons to do things in a way that might not always please me.

"A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire." It is a natural, instinctive impulse to retaliate to an offensive action or remark. But unfortunately, this will only make things worse. Instead, why not meet the attack with a calm and gentle attitude. Of course you can't allow people to walk all over you, but the way you say things is very important. Rather than being swayed by negative emotions, you can choose to keep your cool and respond with dignity and even kindness. It is also a good idea to postpone a discussion if it threatens to get out of hand and become too heated.

With patience, you can endure situations that seem unbearable, while maintaining a positive, cheerful attitude, with  hope in your heart. With tolerance, you can settle differences in a mature and constructive way, defusing conflict instead of contributing to it. Accepting others as they are is the key, as you can't change them; you can only change yourself. 

With all my love,

Bella