Frugality Leads to a Contented Heart

"I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. the first is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader amongst people." - Lao Tzu

"Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things." - Elise Boulding

To be contented means to be happy with what you've got, without craving for more all the time. You can choose to give up the rat race and all the stress it involves. Instead, you can opt for a simple, frugal lifestyle. 

To live frugally doesn't mean to live in poverty. It just means that you don't spend money that you haven't got and eventually, you'll be debt free. When you're debt-free, you don't owe anything to anyone, but when you're indebted to someone, you're basically in bondage to that person or institution. The sooner you break your shackles, the better for you: you'll regain your freedom and individuality. It will be a big weight off your shoulders!

Why do you get into debt in the first place? Maybe you want instant gratification, rather than waiting, while patiently saving up for something. Maybe you're a "shopaholic". Maybe you want to "keep up with the Jones", always comparing yourself with your neighbours, instead of concentrating on finding your own style. Society is very competitive, and advertisement wants you to believe that you can't be cool or fashionable unless you own this or that. But trends change all the time. People get paid to come up with new ideas and new strategies to make you part with your money. This is why you have come to believe that you can't just be who you are. You believe that you have to buy and identity, so you can fit in, conform and ultimately to be admired, respected and envied.

It boils down to what other people think of you. But no matter what you do, no matter how much effort you put into looking stylish and affluent, you will never be able to control other people's opinion's about you. Celebrities know this only too well; the media likes to put them down, no matter how hard they try to please. A typical example is Michael Jackson. In  his desperate effort to be perfect in the eyes of others, he achieved exactly the opposite: they mocked him instead of loving him. That really depressed him and possibly contributed to his premature death.

A lot of wealthy people started off by living frugally and not giving much importance to luxuries. They were driven by a passion that went much deeper than the accumulation of material possessions. These people are creative and full of inspiration. For instance, Wayne Dyer once said that he enjoys writing his books so much that he wouldn't care if no one ever read them. the act of writing itself gives him enough satisfaction and fulfilment. The money then is just a bonus. Despite his worldwide success as a motivational speaker, Dr. Wayne Dyer promotes a simple lifestyle and gives a great chunk of his time and money to charity.

With another world recession looming, frugality is back in fashion, and there are many websites that give you advice on how to budget and avoid spending unnecessarily. Every time you're about to buy something, ask yourself in all honesty: "Do I really need this right now?" 

"Retail therapy" may be useful when you're feeling down, but so can be a leisurely stroll in the park, coffee with a friend, an afternoon looking after children, or simply doing someone a favour. Whatever you give, it will come back to you... Never suppress a generous impulse. Give from your heart, without expecting anything in return. Do it just for the pleasure of helping others, and it will make you feel terrific!

"Whereas a covetous heart is never satisfied,
a contented heart is always secure". - Author unknown

With all my love!

Bella

Photo by Bella Tindale

Inner Beauty is More Important than Appearance!

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." - Khalil Gibran

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." - Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross

"God loves you just as you are. As people who have been created by God, we are infinitely precious to Him because we are His creation. Regardless of our outward appearance, we are all made with that spiritual potential to relate directly to Him, spirit to Spirit." - Corallie Buchanan

Physical beauty has become compulsory in our society and extreme measures to attain this ideal are not the exception any more. Plastic surgery is on the rise, and so readily available that you're not frowned upon if you go under the knife - rather the opposite, it's almost expected of you to enhance your appearance that way. 

Not just women but also men submit to the pressure to look their best. And not just the old and disfigured - young, good-looking people think there is something wrong with them. They believe they need surgery to correct it or make it look better. These days, anything can be improved, even if it already looks perfect! 18 year old girls have breast augmentations just because "bigger is better"... Long-term consequences of surgery (which is a drastic measure) are overlooked or ignored as the lure of an attractive body and the attention that comes with it are all that matters.

Are you only on this planet to give pleasure to the eyes and other senses? Are you only here to impress? What about your true inner gifts? These diminish as you feel compelled to put so much time and effort into enhancing your outer beauty. By distorting your natural self to please others, you're not doing yourself a favor. You acknowledge that what you are is not good enough! 

You may argue that cosmetic surgery will make you more confident. This is an illusion, because you can't buy happiness. It's a self-esteem issue, and what you need above anything else is start loving yourself. This is the answer to all your problems. Once you decide to love yourself as you are, things will begin to fall into place - and you will be content, despite your imperfections. People will only notice your smile and your sparkly eyes.

While the media and others try to define beauty in a certain way, think about how you define your own personal beauty - what it really means to you. Many people - both men and women - place all their emphasis on managing their physical appearance and the impression they make on others.

But even though society may reward you for wrong or superficial reasons, what really matters is who you are inside and who you are becoming. 

With all my love and best wishes!

Bella

Photo by Bella Tindale

What is the Real Cause of My Unhappiness?

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstances but by our disposition." - Martha Washington

"The greatest happiness is to know the source of unhappiness." - Fyodor Dostoesvsky

The main source of your unhappiness is that you don't know what you want. In my book "The Magic of Willpower," I point out that the first thing you need to do if you wish to change anything about your life is to find out what you really desire within yourself, not just at a materialistic level.

Maybe you believe that you're dissatisfied with what you have, with the way you live, and the way other people act towards you. Now go a bit deeper. As you're digging and uncovering layer after layer of distorted thinking, you might discover what you truly feel would bring you contentment... 

If this self-examination reveals that you're upset because you feel you deserve a better car, a bigger house, a holiday or simply more money in the bank, then you need to dig much deeper. You need to find out what really causes you to be unhappy. Is it because you're envious of others? Is it because you can't enjoy what you have? Do you look for excuses so you can blame others, or even yourself and your circumstances for the way you feel?

The choice is yours. You can find peace of mind by eliminating your unhappiness right now. Acknowledge to yourself the real reasons why you react the way you do. Is it difficult for you to feel and express appreciation? From now on, develop a sense of gratitude, no matter what situation you're in, and no matter what others say or do... Do you expect others to behave according to your expectations? Then just live and let live... It takes courage, but you can do it!

With love,

Bella

Photo by Nina Tindale

The Power of Your Imagination

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces teh entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand." - Albert Einstein

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I talk a lot about the power of imagination and what it can do for you. When you're imagining something, while simultaneously feeling the emotion that goes with it, you're setting something in motion. You begin to move towards an outcome that you've designed for yourself and that is in harmony with your true self. 

You often limit yourself to describing the way things are right now (you call it reality). You talk about what is, instead of attempting to look further. But observing and reporting facts, even if they're real, bringing them up in conversation and thinking about them won't change them. However, by using your imagination to improve your outlook, you will do wonders for your life - you will turn it around eventually, without any doubt. That's because imagination is one of the greatest forces in the Universe. Focusing on your desires, on what you really want, is more productive than pushing your dreams away, out of fear that they might never come true.

Telling a new, embellished story straight from your imagination will do more for you then telling the "sad" story you sometimes believe that you've been living so far. Some condemn dreaming as being "unrealistic". But haven't you been realistic so far? And what has it done for you? Talking about the kind of reality that is can be depressing. It doesn't leave much room for hope and betterment...

Reality is subjective and the result of how your mind perceives your environment, as well as past and future events. You are the one who creates this reality to a large extent, just by the way you're experiencing it in your mind, in your imagination. You often feel stuck as if there is no way out. This is when creative visualisation can help. It's an effective healing tool and will assist you find solutions and overcome obstacles. Sometimes the solutions will present itself, without you having to do anything about it. Hanging on to positive images is often enough to produce this effect.

It helps to remember that all the marvellous implements you use, including computers and the internet, are the result of someone believing it was possible. Airplanes were born out of someone's conviction that it was possible to fly. Telephones were born because someone thought it was feasible to talk to someone even if you were miles away from each other...

Your most precious asset is your mind. You can create new worlds and improve old ones with your imagination. You can achieve almost any goal by using your imagination. Your thinking ability is unlimited. Thoughts don't take up any space, and you can have as many as you like without having to fear that your brain might burst!

Today, take  piece of paper and write down what you would like your life to be like. Do it in the present tense. Be confident. Don't worry about how you're going to do it or when it's going to happen. Live your dreams and dream your life with an imagination that has neither rules nor boundaries...

Enjoy the process!

Bella

Photo by Bella Tindale

With God all Things are Possible!

"If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes." - Mark 9:23

"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." - Mark 17:20

"Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" - John 11:40

No situation in life is hopeless. Despair and hope are emotional attitudes created by your thoughts, by the way you look at things. They are not created by the circumstances of your life. 

You only give up hope because you have yet to trust in the possibility of a change for the better. The truth is that you cannot rely on your judgment alone, on what your senses are telling you. Fear can distort your reality, and give you the illusion of doom and gloom. But you're the one who creates your own roadblocks, by clinging to the idea that you can do it all by yourself. You're the one who's been putting obstacles in your way.

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I emphasise that faith is a gift - but it is accessible to everyone, even to the biggest sceptic. Just the fact that you're alive proves that you do have faith in certain things - for instance, that the sun will rise tomorrow morning, that you will wake up and go to work (if you don't forget to set your alarm!)

You cannot say that a thing is impossible, just because you haven't been able to accomplish it so far. Once you give up the need to explain everything and to justify yourself; once you give up the need to control other people and events, you will be ready to put your life in God's hands. From then on, nothing will be out of reach for you any more. 

Allow yourself to be guided by God's will instead of your own and you will see how order will replace your internal chaos. Peace of mind will replace your distorted outlook. Love will replace all the fears you had.

With God all things are possible, and you'll see that something good is going to happen to you very soon!

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Playing with the Kitten" by Emile Munier, 1840 - 1895

How Can You Have More Willpower?

"For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." - Romans 7:9

So many good resolutions - but they never last! Sometimes you just can't follow through with your decisions, or you can't stick with a course of action that you've determined for yourself.
You want to have more willpower, but it seems like you have less and less of it, the harder you try... What are you doing wrong? Why is it so hard to reach your goal, even though you really really want to?

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I explain that willpower is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. But if you expect too much of yourself and put yourself under too much pressure, your willpower reserve will soon be exhausted. You can only draw so much on your inner strength before you become stressed. And being stressed is the worst state to be in when you want to achieve something. Although you can increase your willpower over time with specific exercises, it is a limited resource, especially at the beginning of your journey of self-improvement. You can only use a certain amount of it before it runs out.

If you force yourself to do too many things, like stick to a strict diet, exercise vigorously for a number of hours every week, avoid all harmful substances, while also learning new skills, you will draw too much of this precious energy from your inner supply. Your stream of willpower may soon run dry, especially if you force yourself to do something you don't want to do. However, I don't think this is likely to happen if you do something you enjoy.

This is the true secret of lasting willpower: to find pleasure in the actions you perform in order to achieve what you desire. To be able to do this, you need to find out what you want and why you want it. I describe this process in depth in my book, which  encourage you to read. You need to keep in mind the reasons that are motivating you. For instance, "I want to eat healthy food because it will make me feel better... I will live longer, I will look younger and I will have more energy."

Motivation can come from a positive point of view, but it can also come from negative thoughts, like "I want to eat healthy food because I don't want to get diabetes or hight cholesterol and I don't want to die prematurely." Choose whatever form of self-talk works best for you, but I believe that positive images have more impact on your subconscious mind than negative ones.

Once you keep your objective in mind and focus on it intently, you can dedicate yourself to actions that feel good and require little willpower, because they require little effort. You're not forcing yourself to do this, you're doing it naturally because it's what you want and you're clear about the reasons why you want it. For instance, if you purchase and cook healthy ingredients with interest, enthusiasm and an open mind, you will be much more likely to follow through with your diet than if you go about it grudgingly while craving junk food and lollies.

With my best wishes and love,

Bella

Painting: "Red Water Lily of Southern India",  1878 by Mariannne North, British (Naturalism)

A Truthful Person Knows No Fear

"There is no religion greater than truth and a truthful person knows no fear." - from the Rig Veda

A truthful person is open, and has nothing to hide. What is the truth? You can find out by looking at the mess you're in right now and admit where you went wrong... In my book "The Magic of Willpower" I point out that mistakes are unavoidable; they're part of our human experience. The secret is to recognise them and learn from them, and to get back on track as soon as possible, without getting bogged down by unnecessary guilt.

Once you've admitted your mistakes, which can take quite a bit of courage,  you can correct them. Self-examination is useful as it helps you to develop a sense of responsibility and empowerment. It also makes you humble as you realise that you're not perfect and that you've got a lot to learn. At the same time, it gives you the opportunity to grow.

The truth often hurts, because it isn't pleasant to look at your own faults. It's much easier to blame others for your problems. But It's also pointless to keep blaming yourself, and to fall into the trap of endlessly regretting your past actions...

Be ready to change, as you fully accept your current situation and surrender to the guidance of your Conscience. How can you do this? By talking to yourself, and to others... By asking, listening, praying, meditating and reading uplifting books... There is no given solution, but introspection is the beginning of your journey. As you're looking inside, you're preparing yourself to receive inspiration from the outside.

You can attempt to figure out what sort of impact your actions will have on others and yourself, but there are no guarantees. No one can predict the future with accuracy. Allow yourself to be guided by empathy - putting yourself in other peoples' shoes - and by love. In the end, love is the only thing that matters. Only love is real. Love is your true nature. Love is Truth.

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." - 1 Corinthians 13:6

Painting: "Resting Tiger" by LeRoy Neiman, American (1921-2012)