LOVE is the True Meaning of Christmas

"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:16-17

For God, the ultimate act of love and sacrifice was to become a human being in the person of Jesus Christ. Why did He do such a thing? Because He loves us more than we can imagine. At Christmas, he sent us his only Son, his equal, his representative. And why does God love us so much? Because He is love itself. Why do we celebrate Christmas each year? We do it to remember that no matter what's happening in our lives and what we're going through at the moment, love is eternal and Jesus is always with us. Jesus is God's gift to us. 

We celebrate the birth of this extraordinary child by giving each other gifts and worshipping Him. We celebrate His birth and His divine presence by loving and forgiving each other, mending our relationships, and spending quality time together. We celebrate His arrival by being especially conscious of those less fortunate, the poor, the sick, the injured, the abandoned, the neglected and the forgotten. Jesus didn't hang out with rich, beautiful and successful people. Instead he preferred to mingle with beggars, destitute and homeless people, prostitutes, tax collectors: the outcasts of society...

The true meaning of Christmas is LOVE. God loved his human sons and daughters and by sending us his own Son, He provided a way, the only Way, to spend eternity with Him. He gave his only Son to take the punishment for our sins and free us from this cycle. He was crucified and paid the price in full, delivering us from the burden of guilt and condemnation. Thanks to Him , we can now accept the free gift of LOVE.

"But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8

Wishing you a Merry Christmas with love and blessings,

Bella 

Painting: "Mother's Love": Mary with baby Jesus by Akiane, aged 11.

Appreciation and Fulfilment

You can travel the whole world in search of what you need, and come home to find it!

You often look outside yourself to satisfy your desires. You crave for more, for something different. You want easy solutions, instant fixes to your problems, coming from external sources. You do this instead of developing your ability to live happily in the present moment. But appreciation comes from the inside. No matter how small or big something is, you need to be grateful for it before you can enjoy it. This is a quality you can develop in your daily life.

By looking with fresh eyes at ordinary things like a rose, a rainbow in a puddle, or the intricacy of a spider web, you practice enjoying these. You practice saying "thank you" while rewarding yourself with instant bliss. You practice feeling good, even when adversity strikes. It's even more important to be grateful during difficult times, as it will help you get over hurdles quickly and with a minimum of pain. A person who is appreciative can face all sorts of obstacles and shortages, while still having a contented heart.

Appreciation brings fulfilment. The more you appreciate everything in your life, the more fulfilment you'll have! When you're grateful for something, life will give you more of it. Life is a never-ending source of positive, healing energy that's there for everyone, not only a few chosen ones. When you feel blessed, you attract more blessings.

Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say to yourself: "Something good is going to happen to me today." Say it with emphasis, with emotion. Be open to the possibility that you may actually be lucky for a change. Life responds to whatever you think and say. Say good things about yourself,  about others, and about the world in general. Love life, and life will love you!

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognising and appreciating what we do have." - Frederick Koenig

With lots of love,

Bella

Painting:"Little Pink Rose" by Matthew Bates

An Attitude of Gratitude

The easiest way to develop an attitude of gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal. Write down all the things that you can be grateful for. You don't have to write an essay about it, just a few words are enough to get you started. What is there to be thankful for? Sometimes the simplest thing, like being alive and breathing...

Gratitude is a powerful force, because the more grateful you are for what you already have, the more you are likely to attract similar positive aspects into your life. You become tuned to the good in what is, instead of putting off your joy by wanting something different all the time. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it's always out of reach too. Right now, you only have the grass on your side and even though it may seem less green, it can be just as tasty. Begin to live a truthful and fearless life, by opening yourself to the now, which is a gift and that is why we call it the "present".

To comfort someone who has problems, people sometimes say that every cloud has a sliver lining. It is always possible to extract something positive from a situation, now matter how unpleasant, difficult or painful it may seem. Grief is a natural process. Allow yourself to feel the pain, anger and disbelief until you are ready to move through to a point where you can accept new hopes and dreams.

Don't take things for granted. Even the smallest detail is worth that you take the time to notice it, to be aware of it and say "thank you". Go to your diary at the beginning and at the end of each day, and write gratitude lists. The act of being thankful is a small daily miracle that you can allow yourself to experience, and that will lead to more and more miracles. It makes you feel good It will grow into something substantial and meaningful to you. Eventually, with a tiny bit of patience, you will reap the bountiful rewards for this wonderful practice.

Painting: Mandala Colour Tree (unknown artist)

What to Consider When Embarking on a Weight Loss Journey!

Losing weight begins in the mind.

It’s a lifestyle change.

It’s a commitment to good health and quality of life, as well as increased life expectancy. Being overweight or obese may shorten your lifespan and make you prone to chronic diseases. Even though you can enjoy yourself while carrying extra weight, shedding it will change the way you participate in your own life and contribute to the lives of others. 

Once you’ve decided to embark on a weight loss journey, you will make a commitment to being healthy and addressing all your lifestyle issues, not just your extra weight. For instance, if you smoke or drink excessively, you will need to look at these habits and at ways of quitting them.

Look at your thought processes: do you see the glass as half full or half empty? Positive thinking is essential to your success, because it will help you overcome hurdles and plateaus, which you will inevitably encounter. It also alleviates stress - and stress is a number one factor for weight gain!

Commit yourself to losing weight slowly and gradually. Change your habits progressively. Drastic changes are spectacular, but they usually don’t last very long. Habits need time to become established and take root permanently.

Don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t expect to be perfect. No matter how much you psyche yourself up, you will never achieve perfection. There is no need to beat yourself up if you had a piece of cake. But you can keep making choices that are good for you, even though you know you may slip at times.

My new book, "The Magic of Sensible Dieting" will soon be out, and it will work like magic to get you back into shape if you follow the strategies I've devised for you. 

The new year is coming closer: it's a good time to make decisions. By following a few easy-to-understand principles, you can start eating sensibly and lose unwanted kilos!

With love,
Bella

What's the Most Important Thing When You Want to Lose Weight ?

Losing weight begins in the mind.

It’s a lifestyle change.

It’s a commitment to good health and quality of life, as well as increased life expectancy. Being overweight or obese may shorten your lifespan and make you prone to chronic diseases. Even though you can enjoy yourself while carrying extra weight, shedding it will change the way you participate in your own life and contribute to the lives of others. 

Once you’ve decided to embark on a weight loss journey, you will make a commitment to being healthy and addressing all your lifestyle issues, not just your extra weight. For instance, if you smoke or drink excessively, you will need to look at these habits and at ways of quitting them.

Look at your thought processes: do you see the glass as half full or half empty? Positive thinking is essential to your success, because it will help you overcome hurdles and plateaus, which you will inevitably encounter. It also alleviates stress - and stress is a number one factor for weight gain!

Commit yourself to losing weight slowly and gradually. Change your habits progressively. Drastic changes are spectacular, but they usually don’t last very long. Habits need time to become established and take root permanently.

Don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t expect to be perfect. No matter how much you psyche yourself up, you will never achieve perfection. There is no need to beat yourself up if you had a piece of cake. But you can keep making choices that are good for you, even though you know you may slip at times.

My new book, "The Magic of Sensible Dieting" will soon be out, and it will work like magic to get you back into shape if you follow the strategies I've devised for you. 

The new year is coming closer: it's a good time to make decisions. By following a few easy-to-understand principles, you can start eating sensibly and lose unwanted kilos!

With love,
Bella

Painting: "A Plate of Veggies" by Clina Polloni.

Most Important Thing When You Want to Lose Weight

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new." - Socrates.

What's the most important when you want to lose weight? 
- It’s not counting calories or creating a caloric deficit;

- It’s not eliminating fats and carbs from your diet;

- It's not eating ridiculously small portions;

- It’s not depriving yourself of all your favourite treats; 

- It’s not enduring hunger and cravings day after day;

- It’s not being discouraged because you need to lose sooo much weight and it’s going to be soooo hard;

- It’s not being discouraged because you only need to lose a few kilos but you know they’re the most difficult to shed;

- It's not being discouraged because you think you will regain all your weight once your diet is over;

- It’s not exercising like a lunatic until you pass out;

- It’s not stuffing yourself with vegetables until you despise the sight of them;

- It’s not having to eat fruit all the time instead of cake or candy;

- It’s not thinking you can’t do it because it’s too hard and you don’t like to suffer;

- It’s not thinking you can’t do it because you’ve got no willpower;

- It’s not looking at your past failed diets and predict that you will fail again, so there is no use trying;

- It’s not having to spend a lot of money on healthy food, and extra time shopping and cooking.

The most important aspect to consider when you want to lose weight is none of these! 
It's all about ATTITUDE. 
Your frame of mind will determine your long-term success. I will tell you more about it next week!

With all my love and warm thoughts of encouragement,

Bella

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." - John 14:27.

"There is no fear in love: true love has no room for fear, because where fear is there is pain; and he who is not free from fear is not complete in love." John 4:18

An infant comes into this world with a trusting heart, full of love for those who care for him or her. As you keep living and get older, you lose the natural ability to instinctively expect good from others. Instead, you expect to be cheated, lied to, stolen from, disrespected and humiliated. You learn from your experiences, but you tend to cling to the negative ones, rather than emphasising the good ones. 

Fear is "False Evidence Appearing Real" because it doesn't have to be that way. You don't need to cultivate this bitterness and gnawing sense of foreboding that stems from unpleasant past occurrences. You can turn things around and have faith: there is guidance, and there is protection from Above. You can surrender to your life as it unfolds, instead of trying to control everything. You can trust your intuition to help you make the right choice, while letting go of the outcomes as there are no guarantees. 

If you don't take any risks, out of fear of doing something wrong, you'll never try anything new. To change your attitude and try new approaches, believe that they will make a difference in your life.

Today is the beginning of the rest of your life, and it doesn't matter what problems you have and what your circumstances are. It is how you react to challenges, and how you deal with issues that matters. In the end, only love is real. You can love your life, even though it may appear bleak to you at times. You can love the people in it, even though they may appear to be causing you grief. If you allow events and individuals to steal your joy from you, you will never experience lasting peace.

The PEACE Jesus talked about when he left his disciples was a lasting one, not just a momentary relief. He didn't talk about an emotional roller-coaster, about perpetually shifting moods, the kind of yo-yo attitude that you sometimes think is justifiable and acceptable. The peace Jesus talked about is permanent. It is His gift to us, a spiritual state of mind that cannot be altered by people or events. As love infuses everything, it becomes the origin of your thinking and colours your emotions throughout the day. Hope springs from it, with the certainty that all is well, and all will continue to be well, no matter what...

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Red Tree Landscape" by Rachel Bingaman

Why is it so Difficult to Lose Weight?

Dieting is not a piece of cake! Your body has ingrained habits, and so does your mind. 

You're used to carrying a certain amount of fat and when you try to lose it, alarm bells go off immediately: you feel ravenous, and your body goes into starvation mode. 

As you reduce your caloric intake, hoping to burn fat, your metabolism slows down, adjusting to the amount of fuel it is given. You might lose some weight initially, but then you quickly hit a "plateau": your weight stops moving. You get discouraged and give up your diet. You go back to your old eating pattern and a few weeks or months later, you regain all the weight you've so painfully lost. 

Psychologically, it's hard to change a pattern of behaviour. It takes a bit of work and persistence, and above all: time. You can't rush it, as you can't change overnight! Today you are the sum total of your habits, and you need to undo them one by one, peeling them away like the layers of an onion. 

Motivation is not always strong. It comes and goes, and on some days you feel enthusiastic about your goal, while on others, your determination weakens. You're tempted to give in to your cravings and can't resist the urge to have a chocolate bar of a piece of cake! Just because you didn't stick to your eating plan, you think you've failed. You decide to binge on the foods that you've denied yourself for the last few days or weeks. The next day, you feel awful and decide either to punish yourself by going on an even more restrictive diet, which will slow your metabolism even further, or give up your intention to lose weight altogether.  

Weight loss works if you're sensible about it. There is no instant recipe, and secret number one is to lose weight slowly and gradually. It doesn't matter how long it takes! 

Examine your excuses, e.g., "I don't have any willpower", or "I don't have time to exercise". Willpower begins with little things, like eating more fruit and vegetables instead of pies and biscuits. Or like getting up a few minutes earlier than usual to do a few stretches and prepare a nutritious breakfast.

Be patient and gentle with yourself! Secret number two is to be flexible. If you can't go to the gym, why not take a power walk for ten or twenty minutes? Wanting to do everything perfectly will set you up for failure, because no one can be perfect, and you'll slip up and make mistakes, no matter how hard you try to do things by the book.

You probably already know what you should eat, but you're confused about carbohydrates, fat and protein. I will explain how to balance these macronutrients in your diet for the best weight loss effect, and for maximum health and energy. You will never go hungry again, as you'll have plenty of satisfying food to eat! And you won't feel miserable and deprived...

Losing weight can be an exciting journey, if you're doing it right, and if you're playful about it.  My new book, "The Magic of Sensible Weight Loss" won't disappoint you. It may not be easy to lose weight, but you can achieve it in a rational way that appeals to your intelligence. I will give you all the tools to do this, and much more. The result will be magical!

With love,
Bella

"The Magic of Sensible Dieting: Healthy Weight Loss without Hunger and without Deprivation" will soon be available at Balboa Press and Amazon.com!

Open Yourself to the Light!

Water lilies symbolise beauty, purity and innocence. In Buddhism, the lotus is a symbol of enlightenment. The petals represent the different struggles you endure on your path to spiritual awakening. The centre of the flower represents the state of enlightenment. When there is a dark shadow during any experience, you can turn to the light, and you can do it consciously. You can choose to look at things with renewed hope.

"Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

Children are innocent and open to the light because they have no resistance within them. They don't dwell on the past. They put differences behind them as quickly as possible. Observe them at play, how they live fully in the present, how tolerant and forgiving they are. They don't bear grudges, and their primary concern is to create joy in the now. 

As you become a child again, you become like a water lily: your battles turn into petals. The darkness is overcome... And the Light of God triumphs as you let it into your heart, erasing all negative feelings. You finally leave behind bad memories and face a glorious present and future without hatred or prejudice. Love is all that matters, and as you open yourself to the Light, you open yourself to the power of Love.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

With all my love to you,

now and always

Bella

Painting: "Water Lilies" by Eugeni Balakshin, 1962, Russia.

Self Love is Selfless Love

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde

If you don't love yourself, you can't really love anyone else. And others won't love you either, at least not in the way you would like them to love you.  Treat yourself well if you want others to treat you well. Respect yourself if you want others to respect you. Love begins right here. It begins with you. Self-love comes before anything else, and it has nothing to do with arrogance or selfishness.

Stop criticising yourself, once and for all. "I am too short, too fat, too young, too old, too unfit, too lazy, too clumsy..." With this kind of self-talk, you cultivate low self-esteem, which is the source of emotional problems. You prevent yourself from achieving your full potential. You perpetuate an unforgiving attitude towards yourself, your past, your mistakes, your lack of achievement, and how you compare with others.

What others do with their lives has nothing to do with you. If they do better romantically or financially, don't envy them; be happy for them. Whatever quality you admire in others is already within yourself! You just need to "let it go", to allow it to be free and to express itself.

You are a unique human being, amazing just the way you are. If you want to change, do it for your own pleasure, not because you "have to" and not because you need to please someone else. If you really love yourself, you'll find it easy to give up habits like smoking, drinking excessively, overeating or overspending. If you really love yourself, you won't hurt yourself, just like you won't hurt other people. 

From now on, you can make a decision to treat yourself better every day. You will have understanding and compassion for yourself, the kind of empathy you would have for a little child. You will fully embrace yourself with all your assets and so-called defects of character.

If you were perfect, you would be pretty boring; there would be no mystery about you, as your "dark" side makes you exciting too! Just dare to expose it, instead of trying to hide it. People will open up to you about their own weaknesses if you tell them all the things you regret doing! You will quickly find out that you're not the only one... Only saints have halos, but you are who you are, and that's okay!

Relationships come and go. People get disappointed; they get hurt. Rejection is a part of life, but you don't need to reject yourself. The love you have for yourself will never die, no matter what happens in your life. It will always be there, even when things don't go according to plan. You have a person to live with at all times: yourself. Be your own best friend, and you'll always have good company!

It's impossible to be lonely when you love yourself. At the same time, you will be a magnet for others. People love people who genuinely love themselves, because it makes them feel good. And it makes them want to love themselves too. 

Self-love is catching. Self-love is selfless: in the end, it makes you a better person!

With much love for everyone, including myself!
Bella

Painting: "Endless Tunnel of Love" by Yelena Rubin

Start Every Day with Hope in your Heart...

"There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen (Anthem - from his album The Future).

Let the light come in through the cracks of your being. Allow the positive energy of HOPE to infuse you today. Bask in it, bathe in it, let it penetrate every pore of your skin.

Hope is at your fingertips. Forget your regrets about yesterday, and forget your worries about tomorrow. Become totally lost in the present. That's where your point of power is, right here, in the now.

Every day brings with it unlimited possibilities, new challenges and choices that are yours to make. Allow the grace and beauty of a new sunrise to touch your soul. Remove your shackles; let go of yesterday's sadness and grief. There is so much love and joy around you, but it's up to you to allow them into your experience.

Hope is an expectation in our heart of good things to come. No matter what problem you're facing right now, you know that it will get better. you trust the world to be on your side and give you the answers you need. You trust that no matter how desperate a situation is, improvement is always possible. You trust that after the rain, there will be sunshine again.

Hope is a burning flame that will never go out. Hope is life itself. It's what keeps you going, no matter what you're going through! Your wishes are there to come true. Eventually, what you pray for will become a reality...

With much love,

Bella

"God is a shower to the heart burned up with grief. God is a sun to the face deluged with tears." - Joseph Roux, Meditations of a Parish Priest.

Painting: "Sunrise" by Margret Hofheinz-Doring, 1910-1994, German.

Nothing is too Difficult !

"Whoever moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." - Confucius (Chinese teacher, writer, politician and philosopher, 551 - 580 BC).

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tsu (Chinese poet and philosopher, author of the Tao Te Ching, 604 - 531 BC).

In my book "The Magic of Willpower",  I emphasise the importance of taking "baby steps" when you decide to do something new. To break up your task into small, manageable portions will make it less overwhelming and less daunting, and you will be more likely to stick with it. 

You can achieve anything if you do it little by little, one day at a time. If you want to lose weight for instance, begin by introducing small changes to your dietary habits. You could  eat fruit every time you feel like snacking, instead of reaching for a packet of chips or a chocolate bar. It is better to take many small steps in the right direction, rather than making a great leap forward only to stumble backwards.

There is nothing you cannot accomplish, if your desire for it is strong enough, and if you divide your project into slices that you can handle without difficulty. The secret to big accomplishments is to start out small. If you were to show a student all the books he would have to read, and all the essays he would have to write during the entirety of his study years, he would probably be discouraged and give up right away. 

Inner transformation does not happen overnight. it is a step-by-step process of creation and change. Little by little, you become better at handing over your life to God and surrendering to what is. You stop interfering with other people's business, and concentrate on your own life, without judging others and without complaining. You wake up and become aware of all the little details of your surroundings; you feel appreciation for the beauty and diversity of life.

You vision takes hold of you and little by little, you begin working towards the realisation of your dream...

With all my love,

Bella

"Flowers and Birds": Chinese silk painting by unknown artist.

Addiction is a Decision!

"Life is a series of baby steps along the way and if you add up these tiny little steps you take toward your goal, whatever it is, whether it's giving up something, a terrible addiction or trying to work your way through an illness. When you total up those baby steps you'd be amazed over the course of ten years, the strides you've taken." - Hoda Kotb, Egyptian-American TV host.

We humans tend to get addicted to a lot of things that aren't good for us. We tend to destroy ourselves, instead of looking after ourselves to the best of our ability. Some of us are addicted to nicotine, drugs or alcohol. Others are addicted to junk food or sugar. Some are addicted to gambling or shopping. Others are addicted to work or dysfunctional relationships...

It doesn't really matter what you're addicted to; right now you've reached a stage in your life when you want to rid yourself of these negative patterns. You want to let go of these behaviours as their painful consequences now outweigh the thrill they once provided.

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I explain that addiction is a decision. You want something, so you make up your mind to obtain it and consume it. This process is repeated over and over until it gets out of hand. As time goes by, this decision-making process gets out of control; it becomes an addiction. Are you going to do it or are you not going to do it? Each and every time, it's a decision, it's a choice. String all these decisions together, and you have a pattern of behaviour that will determine the course of your life. It will determine what sort of person you will be. Every moment of your life, you have a choice.

Live this moment to the fullest, and make decisions that are good for you. Only one day at a time, one moment at a time if necessary. Learn the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Say it over and over. Say it every time you need to make a decision!

With love and bright thoughts of encouragement,

Bella

Painting:"High Above Amalfi" by Mikki Senkarik, American.

Keep an Open Mind!

"A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open." - Frank Zappa (American rock, jazz and classical musician and composer, 1940 - 1993)

What makes you so sure that you're right? How do you know that your ideas are the best? Sometimes you're so certain that the way you see things is the correct way, that you automatically assume that everyone else is wrong! You try to get your point across, but nothing seems to work: "He (or she) never listens to me, and I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall..."

When this feeling of powerlessness threatens to drive you crazy, put things back into perspective - and keep an open mind. When others don't want to listen to you, it may be time to reflect whether the point you're trying to prove is really valid. How do you know? Is it possible that you're wrong, and that you're being unreasonable, when you demand that others conform to your ideas and expectations? Wrong and right are not always black and white - and there are many shades of grey! Others are entitled to have their opinions, no matter how much you cling to yours.

People are at various stages in their lives. They might not be ready to hear what you have to say, or to accept it. They might have a goal or a purpose which differs from yours. You life might be heading in a certain direction while theirs might is going the opposite way. There is not just one answer to a problem. There might be many answers, and no one can guarantee which one is the best. Life is about trial and error. Acknowledging that others learn from their experiences, just like I do from mine, will help you understand that they are following their own personal path. It's not your job to interfere with their choices...

You can only live your own life to the best of your ability. Sometimes you're so adamant, and stubbornly cling to your point of view, that you don't take time to listen to others. Instead of being attentive and non-judgmental, you're already preparing your response in your head. Before you speak, take into consideration all possible reasons against your position. You can't impose your ideas on others. You can't convince them or force them to believe what you believe. You can't compel them to act a certain way, or to do certain things. 

Keeping an open will help you cultivate tolerance, understanding and empathy. It will make your daily life smoother and easier. It will pave the way for effective team work and peaceful cooperation with others.

"Be very very patient and very open-minded, and listen to what people have to say." - A.J. McLean, born 1978, American musician, singer, entertainer, and member of the Backstreet Boys.

With an open mind and with love,

Bella

Painting: "Tiger Lily" by Linda Richter, USA

Your New Inner Power is Emerging!

"Look well within thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.

Little by little, as you begin to get more and more in touch with yourself, and accept who you are, totally and unconditionally, it dawns on you that you do actually have power, when you doubted that you had any.

You thought you were dependent, when in reality you are independent. You thought you were weak, when in reality you are much stronger than you would have ever believed. In the face of obstacles and adversity, you have developed endurance. In the midst of despair, you have cultivated hope. You begin to feel your power like a light inside yourself, flimsy like candlelight at first, until it becomes a blazing fire. 

You are a spiritual being having a human experience. As you clear out the garbage of addictive and counterproductive habits, you uncover your precious soul that's been lying dormant for so long, under layers of lies, self-deceit and pretences. You finally decide to put a stop to self-abuse, and you discover that the person you harmed the most in the past is yourself.

Now you are ready to become alive and in tune with infinity, with the Divine. Everything feels easier, and your life is finally flowing like a gentle river. You no longer want to control everything, and you allow the current to carry you where you are supposed to go. You stop offering unnecessary resistance to what is. You become united with the Universe, and this feeling of wholeness is not an illusion: it is your new reality, as you give birth to your inner power.

This power has nothing to do with having influence over others. It has nothing to do with scheming or manipulating or getting your own way. It does not come from being able to make others do certain things, like following your lead or buying your products. It is  the power of letting others be what they wish to be, without trying to whip them into shape.

Your new power is a very personal one, much stronger and long-lasting than anything you have enjoyed so far.  People will turn to you and imitate you, not because they are intimidated by you, or because they want to bathe in your glory. All they can see is that you are leading a meaningful life. They can see that you have peace of mind.

Once you are in touch with the light within yourself, do not hide it. Allow it to shine!

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." - Matthew 5:14-15

Painting: "Still Life Candlelight" oil and pencil drawing form the Colonie Central High School Art Gallery

Fear is a Habit You Can Undo!

"Fear is a habit; so is self-pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resignation. You can eliminate all of these negative habits with two simple resolves: I can! and I will!" - Unknown

In my book "The Magic of Willpower" I explain that a habit is something you do over and over, on a daily basis, until it becomes automatic. Repetition leads to routine, and soon this "habit" becomes a part of you, like the clothes you wear. It seems fairly easy to form new habits, but it's a lot harder to get rid of old ones. The secret to eliminating unwanted habits is to replace them with new ones that will serve you better. Ditch your negative thoughts and adopt a positive, non-judgmental way of thinking, and it will become a natural part of you!

Like a lot of people, you may approach challenges with anxiety and worry instead of trust. Straight away, you recall past experiences, and tend to compare what's happening now with what happened back then, and draw conclusions. You tend to believe that it will turn out the same way... And you decide to avoid certain situations altogether, or you approach them with negative expectations.

"Once bitten, twice shy" is a saying a lot of people tend to live by, either consciously or subconsciously. But is it really worth it, imagining the worst case scenario, just because in the past it happened that way, and you have been scarred by these traumatic events? Why not start the day with a fresh outlook, and a brand new hope in your heart - and the certainty that things will work out for the best this time?

Just because you suffered a bad experience in the past doesn't mean it will repeat itself. It won't necessarily be the same this time! Circumstances may be similar, and yet outcomes can be totally different. You may harbour a deep fear of being hurt - but in most cases, you're the one who chooses to be injured.

You might not be able to choose your circumstances, but you can choose your thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. Imagination is a powerful tool. It allows you to project yourself into the future in a positive, constructive way - instead of feeling sorry for yourself and stuck in an uncomfortable place.

You can move forward without fear and without hesitation. You can enjoy the present without having to worry about the future. You can live for this moment... All you need to do is let go of excuses and seize the day. This is your life... Make the most out of it. Never allow fear to hold you back!

With love and warm thoughts,

Bella

Paiting:"Dragonfly" by Stephanie Estrin, USA

Willpower is the Power of Endurance

"Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes." - Buddha

"Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory." - William Barclay (Scottish author, 1907 - 1978)

Sometimes you wish you could make your problems disappear, simply by waving a magic wand. This is why I chose "The Magic of Willpower" as the title for my book, as I had this vision of difficulties magically disappearing. And it is possible, if you develop self-discipline an endurance. It may not happen instantly but eventually, you will reap the results for your dedication. 

Sometimes you believe that the only way to be happy is to get rid of what is bothering your: whether it be a demanding boss, a domineering spouse, an invasive adult child at home, an obnoxious neighbour, a destructive puppy your children forced you to adopt, gloomy weather, or hopeless politicians...

But you didn't come into this life to have everything nice right away. You didn't come to have sunshine, lollipops and roses every day. You came to endure and make the best out of what you've got now.  If you manage to maintain a positive attitude in the midst of trouble, without losing your serenity, you've achieved more than you can hope for. 

Once you acquire the ability to control your thoughts (I explain how to do this in my book, "The Magic of Willpower"), your actions and words will follow and be in harmony with them. To your own surprise, you will experience a deep calm in the midst of turmoil, and become an observer. You won't lose your inner composure, which will allow you to be confident and overcome many obstacles.

Cultivating a patient and cheerful attitude will give you strength and courage. You won't be tempted to become upset, or to lose your temper and do things you might regret later. You won't be tempted to give up, because you know that the ultimate reward is what you've gained on the inside: sanity and peace of mind. You won't become agitated and fearful as soon as things threaten to go wrong. Instead, you will be equipped with the tools to deal with setbacks and crisis.

You don't know what life has in store for you. There are fabulous moments and not-so-fabulous ones! If you concentrate on your inner path, without losing your focus, you'll be able to ignore things that are unimportant, like someone who disagrees with you. You're not here to convince other that you're right and that they're wrong. You're here to endure what happens with steadfastness, and a general disposition to expect the best in all things. 

With all my love,

Bella

Painting: "Lavender Lotus Flower" by Mon Fagtanac, contemporary artist, San Juan, Luzon, Philippines.

Express Your Anger Constructively

Anger is a natural emotion, and suppressing it is not always a good idea. It is much better to recognise it and use it to your advantage, rather than ignoring or denying it. Rightful anger can even be beneficial. Anger is a message: it tells you that there is something wrong, for instance, there might be an injustice like someone being bullied. Or there might be something that's not working in your life.

Sometimes anger is justified, like when someone is hurting you or your loved one, or even an innocent stranger. Allow the wave of anger to rise and subside and listen to what is underneath. Anger can be an expression of emotional pain, which has different origins, such as insecurity, jealousy, embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety or just a general discomfort due to exhaustion, thirst, hunger or a need to be in soothing environment, doing something meaningful. Sometimes anger is close to fear as you're scared you might not obtain what you want, or that things might be taken away from you.

Anger may be a catalyst for change. It may work as a trigger towards making a decision, like making efforts to move from a place where it hurts to a more favourable position. Anger can give you the incentive and energy to turn your life around! This kind of anger is productive and helpful.

But anger can have a negative impact if it hurst you or others. In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I encourage you to reflect on your anger and become aware of it, so you can let go of it and master your reactions. While it is good to express your feelings, you need to do it in a calm and mature way, without accusing the other person. Just tell them how you feel and why. 

Anger becomes a problem when it spirals out of control. Extreme angry outbursts may go hand in hand with verbal and/or physical abuse. When anger takes possession of you, it's time to do something about it. Figure out what triggers it, what emotions are attached to it. What do you fear? What hurts you the most? It could be your spouse ignoring you, giving you the "cold shoulder" or your teenage kids leaving the kitchen in a mess. Anger is often due to frustration, when you don't get what you want, or when people don't behave the way you expect them to.

When overcome with fury, detach yourself from the situation and become an observer. Monitor what's going on inside of you. Instead of reacting, you can choose to freeze, which means not doing anything. You can leave the room and even the house for a short while. This allows you to cool down and to recognise that there is no need to lose your temper. Whatever it is, you can talk it over reasonably, when everyone has come to their senses. There are better alternatives to an angry outburst, and you don't want to regret what you've said or done later on.

Instead of waiting to explode, prepare yourself. Practice in your mind what you will do next time you're confronted with a situation that is likely to provoke your rage. Rehearse what you will say and do, instead of being taken by surprise. Remember what happened last time when you lost your temper! Remember how you reacted, how your heart beat faster, how hot and tense you felt. Remember the hurtful things you blurted out, and decide on a better course of action. Imagine yourself taking a deep breath and carefully choosing your words. Imagine yourself stopping and thinking and observing the situation from a distance. Within no time, the tornado will dissipate and serenity will return to your mind and body.

With all my love,

Bella

"Volcano": abstract finger painting by George Hunter, contemporary English self-taught artist. 

Establish Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationships

"Evaluating the benefits and drawbacks of any relationship is your responsibility. You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you. You can choose" - Deborah Day

"Boundaries aren't all bad. That's why there are walls around mental institutions." - Peggy Noonan

Is it possible to be too understanding and too forgiving? Of course it is. Too much leniency can backfire, as you allow others to encroach on your rights. And once you open the door and allow them to go too far, it's hard to close it again. You've set a precedent by giving them permission to take advantage of you. But it's never too late too put your foot down...

Even though you may love this person very much and want to see them happy, you need to remember that you're important too. Your freedom, happiness and peace of mind are essential to your living a joyful life on this planet. You've got rights, just like every other human being. You're not second best or third best.  You're not here to be in the background. Instead of hiding, take your place on life's centre stage!

When you stick up for yourself and insist that your needs be met - without being demanding or aggressive - you establish healthy boundaries in your relationships. This is looking after yourself, after your own wellbeing. It's important that you feel good if you want to look after others.

If you don't put yourself first, you will exhaust yourself. You will burn out and won't have much to give any more. After all, what is love but a positive, uplifting, healing energy that everyone around you benefits from.

Remember: YOU CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS, YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF. This is the hardest lesson in life, but when it is mastered, it can create miracles.

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Hollyhocks" by Beverly Fagan Gilbertson, United States.

LET IT GO

"Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order" - Dr. Anne Wilson Schaef

Why can't you be happy just the way you are? Why do you feel the need to improve yourself all the time? Does it really matter who you are and what you're doing and what you will achieve in the future? Can't you simply appreciate the human being you are, without any labels attached? Can't you simply appreciate the miracle that you're here right now? Do you believe that you need to be doing something all the time in order to feel worthy?

Wouldn't it be nice if you woke up one morning and said to yourself: "Today it doesn't matter if I don't get a lot done, if I don't progress towards my goals. Actually, it doesn't matter if I don't get anything done at all. Living, breathing and listening to my own heart beating is an achievement in itself!"

Maybe you can do what you need to do, and still be yourself. For once, put stress aside. Usually you feel under pressure all the time, because you set yourself too many objectives, and plan too many tasks. You expect too much of yourself and become overwhelmed. Depression means that something is pressing down on you, and most of the time, you're doing it to yourself; it's self-inflicted! 

Relentlessly, you allow the urge to impress yourself and others to rule you. You allow this need to take over, and you do everything you can to prove that you're better, smarter, more disciplined, more in control of your life. But the harder you struggle and strive towards your goals, the less you seem to be able to attain them. The more you sweat and grit your teeth, the more things seem to drift out of reach.

Surrender and abandon the need to change yourself. Instead, start embracing your real self. You can become who you truly are instead of trying so hard to turn into someone else. Someone more efficient, more successful, more diet-conscious, more physically active, more attractive, more witty, more creative, more passionate, more motivated, more enthusiastic, more energetic, more organised etc. 

LET IT GO. Real change happens once you accept who you really are, instead of rejecting and fighting against your innate personality. Humility is a sign of strength, and it comes from accepting and loving yourself, not because you're perfect, but in spite of the fact that you're an imperfect human being, just like everyone else!

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Avond Evening, Red Tree" by Piet Mondrian

How to Forget Something or Someone

"To forgive is wisdom, to forget is genius. And easier. Because it's true. It's a new world every heart beat." - Joyce Cary, The Horse's Mouth

To stop thinking about something or someone may seem like a tall order, especially when you're in the middle of a crisis like ill health, job loss or separation. How to do it may seem difficult, but there is an easy and straightforward way to go about it. Putting this simple strategy into practice however takes commitment and some practice.

Whenever you find yourself thinking about something unpleasant, something in your life that bothers you, or a person you would like to get out of your mind, gently but firmly direct your thoughts away from it and towards something or someone that makes you feel better.

Do this repeatedly and consistently, whenever an unwanted thought pops up in your mind. Over time this strategy will become automatic. And when something becomes a habit, it requires less and less effort, as I explain in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". In the beginning you might struggle but after a while it will become natural: this way of thinking will become a part of you. You will apply it to other situations, like when you worry too much, or when you're stuck in a negative thinking pattern.

The thought in itself is not a problem. The real problem is the tendency we have as human being to feel sorry for ourselves, and wanting other people to feel sorry for us too. It's almost as if we get a warped sense of satisfaction from it! Feeling bad can be addictive in a crazy sort of way, but it won't help us move forward. The problem is still there, and we won't resolve it by dwelling on it. We need to let it go, no matter what.

Do you want to embark on an endless cycle of thinking about something or someone you want to forget? Once you understand how useless it is to hold onto painful memories and feelings, you can start choosing thoughts that are not so painful, and that give you a sense of hope and relief. Choose something that feels a bit better, like "I have family and friends who will helps me and give me moral support", "There will be a solution to my money problem", "Children are resilient and they will adjust to it."

You may be caught in a difficult situation, but you are free to choose thoughts that are positive and encouraging. Forgetting someone is not easy, but you can do it by shifting your attention to something else. Focus on improving your life, on making the most out of what you've got rather than what you've lost. Distract yourself with meaningful and joyful activities. Put all your attention on the present moment, without drifting into the past or future. 

With loving thoughts,

Bella

Painting: "Forger Me Not" by Derick Burleson, Alaska, 2010

Willpower is Inner Mastery

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you." - Brian Tracy

"All the days of the afflicted are bad but a cheerful heart has a continual feast." - Proverb 15:15

Your circumstances do not define you; it's the way you react to them that reflects who you are. You can decide to be cheerful at heart, or you can decide to feel miserable and downtrodden. You can choose to play an active role in your destiny. How? By selecting your thoughts - and ultimately, your emotions.

You're not at the mercy of your feelings, like a helpless prisoner, but you are the active participant in the inner turmoil that seems to overwhelm you at times. You can allow chaos to take over, or you can create order and harmony, by looking at the big picture, and refusing to become discouraged.

The more you dwell on a problem, the bigger it becomes, and the more helpless you feel. The problem itself doesn't cause your frustration; it's the fact that you keep worrying and obsessing about it. Put your problem aside for a while, and just concentrate on the present moment, finding pleasure in what's happening now, rather than being stuck in the past or the future. While you take your mind off a question, your subconscious will keep working on it, without you having to do anything about it. The answer will usually come to you when you expect it the least.

"A cheerful heart has a continuous feast", because no matter what's happening, you won't be affected by it, at least not in a way that will throw you off balance. Inner joy is mastery, and it is up to you to cultivate it. Negative thoughts tend to pop up in your mind in the absence of anything else. In my book, "The Magic of Willpower", I explain that the mind abhors a vacuum, and the trick is to fill it with positive thoughts, leaving no room for anything else. Darkness is just the absence of light: there is no dark switch when you enter a room.

You can shine a light on your thoughts and guide yourself with empowering statements, like "I can do this." Without being in denial about your problems, you can focus on what is good in your life, on all the areas in which you're doing well. Congratulate yourself for your achievements, even though they may seem small. The smallest progress or improvement can be an opportunity to rejoice. Without any hurdles, you wouldn't learn and you wouldn't grow as a human being.  In the end you can allow obstacles to drag you down, or you can allow them to lift you up.

With love,

Bella

Painting: "The Old Bridge" by Guy Rose, 1910, France

Who do you want to be?

"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." - Aldous Huxley

Who exactly do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to be? What are your personal ideals? Is there someone you admire? What are the special traits of this person that you would like to make your own? It's time to stop being vague. If you wish to be an extraordinary person, if you wish to be wise and successful, begin by identifying the kind of person you aspire to become. Be specific. If you have a diary, write down who you're striving to be, so that you can refer to this self-definition. Precisely describe the kind of thoughts and behaviour you would like to adopt, so that you can preserve these when you're by yourself or in the company of other people.

In my book "The Magic of Willpower", I recommend that you examine yourself thoroughly, to find out what your values are, what's important to you, and to live according to these guidelines. For instance, if compassion and generosity are essential in your eyes, make sure your actions reflect this part of your personality. If you do something over and over, it becomes a habit, a part of you, just like the clothes you wear. Make it a habit to live according to your own ideals and principles, and you will be at peace with yourself.

With love,

Bella

Painting by Yayoi Kusama, 1988, Japan

Be Happy Now!

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?" - Albert Camus.

Happiness is everything, and you need to extract it from every moment of your life! Infuse it with all the joy that you can conjure up, no matter where you are and what you're doing...

Set your self a goal: it will give your life purpose and direction. Imagine arriving at your desired destination after a long and often difficult journey. At the end, you will reap the rewards for your efforts. But in the meantime, you can feel happiness too. You can enjoy the road you're taking, what I call the "process" in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". If you can find pleasure in the steps you're taking towards your dream, you're halfway there! 

Be happy now. Don't wait until you have more money, or a new job, or you've met that special person, or your illness goes away... 

Sometimes bad things happen to you. You feel sad; you feel the need to grieve - and that's okay. Accept it as a part of your journey. 

How you feel in this moment is up to you. It's your choice. You can choose to be happy, even though the world around you seems to be crumbling. Joy is a gift you can create for yourself. Take charge of your feelings; take charge of your happiness - as from today.

Seek the light instead of the shadows... Seek the sunshine, even if it rains. Look at the rainbow in the sky.

Seek the invincible summer inside of you. 

Treasure your happiness. And above all, share it with others!

With love,

Bella

Painting: "Paysage colore aux oiseaux aquatiques" by Jean Metzinger, 1907, France

Being an Optimist

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present." - Rabindranath Tagore

How you look at things defines you as a pessimist or an optimist. The pessimist doesn't believe in happy endings; he or she believes that they are doomed to be miserable, and that nothing good will ever happen to them. Some pessimists become depressed and turn to substance abuse to blot out painful feelings. They usually don't experience much success and tend to blame others for their problems. The optimist is the opposite: he or she believes that things will work out eventually, and that it is possible to be happy, no matter how grim things are looking at the moment. The optimist takes responsibility for his or her life and doesn't waste time looking for scapegoats. 

So why is it better to be an optimist? Aren't you kidding yourself when you put on those rosy glasses? It has been proven that optimists live longer, have less stress and suffer less diseases than pessimists. Optimists have stronger immune systems. They are also more successful than pessimists in every area of their lives, whether it be love, finances or simply getting a parking spot in a crowded lot.

Being an optimist is about being adventurous, and approaching every situation without fear and with a positive attitude. It is about trusting yourself and your ability to master any situation one step at a time, no matter how challenging it is. I will show you how to do this in my book, "The Magic of Willpower". Willpower is a direct consequence of the way you look at things - all of a sudden, what seemed impossible becomes a reality, a part of you. You never suspected that you had this potential hidden inside of you! Congratulate yourself for your achievements so far, no matter how big or small they may be, and no matter how great or insignificant they may be in other people's eyes.

Surround yourself with positive, optimistic people and shut out negative influences. An optimist might hear a disparaging remark, but won't take it to heart. He or she believes that human beings are inherently good and trustworthy. Don't be scared of making mistakes, they're part of your learning journey. There is no failure. Everything that happens to you is an opportunity to move forward and to learn new skills, such as patience, endurance and self-discipline.

Pain is only temporary, while optimism is an eternal gift. Once you've adopted this attitude, your life will inevitably improve, because of the way you perceive people, situations and events. Being an optimist is a way of life, and it's probably the best and most rewarding of all.

Have a nice day with lots of positive thoughts!

Bella

Painting: "Landscape by Moonlight" by Jan Sluyters, 1911

Focus on the Positive

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Cicero

Maybe it's a habit for you to have an inner conversation about the things that go wrong in your life. "Oh no, not again... Why is this happening to me? Why me? Why can't I be lucky for a change?"
You may spend a lot of time judging yourself and others: "I shouldn't have done this or that... I'm such an idiot... If only I'd known... This person is so rude and annoying... She's so selfish... He's so arrogant... These people are not doing their job properly..." And so on... Your thoughts continue to run along these lines... Including what you say to yourself about your financial situation: "There's never enough money... When am I going to have more money? Prices are going up all the time... How am I going to afford this? Why do I have to pay so much for this?"

Today you can decide to clear your head of this endless chatter which is not beneficial for you. Instead, you can begin to focus on the good things in your life. Is there anything that's going well for you? It could be your health, your job, your family, your friends, your car, your neighbourhood, your leisure activities... It could be your cat, your dog or even your goldfish. It could be your boss who hasn't criticised you for the last couple of weeks. It could be having a roof over your head and food on the table. It could be as simple as being alive, even if you have nothing else. There is a lot to be grateful for if you really think about it!

Instead of focusing on the negative, you can change your thoughts and begin to like your circumstances and the people around you, rather than rejecting them and fighting against them. No human being is perfect, but as you accept other people's imperfections, while highlighting their qualities, you'll start seeing them in a different light. You'll become more lenient and have less expectations. Human beings are fallible, prone to mistakes, and likely to hurt others, often unintentionally. Others say or do things you don't like, and you can't change them. But you can set boundaries, by not allowing them to intrude into your privacy and interfere with your life and your choices. You give them the right to be themselves, while kindly asking them to do the same for us. This is the true meaning of respect.

You can allow things to affect you and become angry or upset. Or you can choose to maintain an inner peace, an inner sanctuary that nothing can disturb. Temporary frustration is not much compared to inner harmony and stability, a core strength within your self - the intention to see everything in a positive light, no matter what... If you're feeling low, you can look outside the window and reflect on the scenery: the sky, the clouds, the wind blowing the trees around... A single flower, an intricate spider web, a rainbow in a puddle of water, children playing, birds twittering... Beauty and serenity are always available if you seek them out, and you can appreciate them at any time.

As soon as a negative, judgemental thought enters your mind, replace it with a positive, uplifting one. Cling to it and don't let worry or anxiety take over your blissful inner landscape. Trust that all is well, and will continue to be that way, no matter what's happening around you. Don't project crisis and disaster into the future, but expect outcomes to be in your favour. Appreciate what you've got now, and you will attract more of it into your life!

With much love,
Bella

Painting: "Field Flowers" by Nicolae Tonitza (1886 - 1940), Romania, post-impressionism